I meant “Beat that, male dopers.”
[size=1]No, don’t beat that that. I’m theoretically heterosexual.
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Beware of Doug, maybe the problem is that your bedroom’s too stuffy. Girl’s gotta have a breath of fresh air, y’know?
I’ve gone about seven months now without it bothering me at all. I’ve recently started dating someone, though, so I expect this dry spell will end shortly.
They way I took this is this is not the type of sex that would interest you, perhaps you want more emotional involvement, which casual sex doesn’t offer (gay or othrwise)
For me (hetro) I don’t like casual sex, I want to know the person and want to trust that person. I want to feel and be close to that person, and when you are that close sex happens.
YMMV
40
20, 30, and even 40 years?!? Not to steer the thread to a different subject, but how can you go that long without it happening? I’m not a very good looking guy, I am kind of shy around females, but I find women regularly that find me attractive. I could understand if there was a reason like impotence or being in the seminary, but to choose not to have sex for more than a decade just sounds so depressing. Do you at least feel that you could, if the mood struck, find a willing partner? Or do you even care about sexual contact at all?
Barring unusual circumstances, I don’t think many of us who have gone without for long periods of time chose not to have sex. I think we were all absent on the day when they gave everybody else the seminar on How To Make Your Animal Magnetism Work To Your Advantage.
For me, I learned by observing other couples that your dick can get you into a lot of trouble. For a long time I was in another kind of trouble, and extra, even more complicated trouble is something that I absolutely did not need. I was not ready to commit myself to any woman I had ever met, and I did not need the incredible, lifelong hassle of making a baby by accident with somebody who hated me, or vice versa. I know men whose lives have been ruined that way. So I waited. And waited. Eventually, I found the right person. And now there are very logical reasons why we are celibate. A baby would bankrupt us. We do not want to be parents, bankrupt, or bankrupt parents. And there’s that other thing I mentioned, which may or may not resolve itself. But we love each other to pieces. I wouldn’t trade that for anything.
The thread lives!
That’s not quite it. It’s true that I don’t go for the supercasual type of sex; I like to have at least spoken to someone before I have sex with them. But I wouldn’t say no to “ordinary” casual sex if it turned up by itself. I just can’t be bothered to get it, and I don’t miss it.
As for sex with a romantic component, I definitely don’t want a relationship right now, so that kind of sex is out.
I’m wondering the same things.
At the very least, a guy could get a hooker. That might sound crude, but it is a reasonable thing that a lot of men do when they can’t get laid. That’s not really plausible for women, but surely there are other ways.
I wouldn’t do that even if I were going completely insane with horniness.
Have you ever seen a hooker? Would you even get any part of your body near one? Gawd, what a revolting thought!
I don’t usually post such personal information online, but this is in the interests of science. Coincidentally, Priceguy, I spent the same period of time in a similar condition (even though I’m still married). Starting in December 2004, my libido suddenly disappeared. It happened about the same time I came out to myself as trans. This is a known side effect of transgender. Obviously it was a psychologically-based side effect of my new advance in self-knowledge. It mostly stayed away, except for brief intermittent flickers, for the next 11 months and only returned in November 2005. I guess I needed to reset my deep understanding of my own sexuality in the light of my gender identity. Once I’d worked my way to a more secure sense of myself in this existence, I could restart the sex program.
It’s like how the installation wizard makes you shut down the program when you’re downloading and installing updates for it.
I find that I don’t miss it when the urge isn’t happening. I’m aware that a whole area of life is suddenly grayed out, but I don’t feel a need for it when it isn’t happening. That’s the nature of the thing! It brings it own sense of urgency.
I remember going through much of 2005 saying I don’t know what I am, whether I’m straight, gay, lesbian, bi, or none of the above, or what. So it’s no wonder my sex program was grayed out. You know how when you click on a program and software error causes a system crash? I’m glad I didn’t get a system crash. Instead, the program disabled its own functionality to avoid that happening to the system.
At this time I read about the new trend: asexuality. Not being attracted to anybody. The singer Morrissey became the asexuality poster boy. When it turned out he didn’t date women, rumors flew in the music press that he must be “gay.” He corrected this by saying he didn’t want to date men either.
I never identified myself as asexual. It looked to me like asexuality was now a specific sexual identity. I did not identify with my lack of libido. I was waiting for it to return so I could use it again. I may have been functionally nonsexual, but I didn’t identify as asexual. I still had my lesbian sexuality here with me all the time, it was just up on blocks for a while. Now I got the engine purring again. 
Want to test drive?
As strange as it may sound to you and me, there are some people who have no interest in sex at all. There are even message boards devoted to it and stuff. I guess that it can be a legitimate orientation, although I don’t understand those ones who don’t even masturbate or fantasize or anything. I also find it a little hard to believe that someone couldn’t get sex if they wanted it, even without using a hooker. Don’t any of you have gender-of-choice friends who would do you a solid? If I knew that one of my male (or open-minded female) friends was a virgin at thirty, I’d consider sleeping with him, just so he could have some experience. A lot of girls would be hesitant to date a virgin who was that old, me included.
I haven’t gotten laid in six months, since my ex moved away, but I’m not missing it terribly. I’ve had options since then but nobody who was super appealing. I agree with whoever said a good kiss leads to a good lay; my last date (the vegan boy I posted about a few months ago, if anyone remembers) was a horrible kisser. I knew right away that it wouldn’t last. (Well, besides the personality differences and the veganism and stuff.)
What’s hard to believe about it? Don’t you think I spent every day of those 16 years wishing I could get laid? After 12 or 13 years, it ceases to be the first thing on one’s mind daily, but if you don’t know anyone of your chosen gender to have sex with, and you wouldn’t consider supporting anybody’s crack habit just to have a release hole, how is it possible for one to have any sex other than masturbation? If I’d had a friend who would have “done me a solid” my whole life would have been different. I wasn’t aware such a thing existed.
No. I have no true female friends. (I have some female online aquaintances.) I do have one male friend who I’ve fooled around with a couple of times, but he’s engaged now and off-limits.
There is simply no way I could get sex if I wanted it without hiring a hooker or radically altering my life towards the goal of getting laid.
That said, it’s been over a year since I last had sex and it doesn’t really bother me. The only thing that bothers me is the realization that I may not have sex again for a long, long time, if ever.
You didn’t have any female friends? Even if a female friend wouldn’t do you a favor, she can usually hook you up with HER friends, which can often lead to sex or at least relationships. I still find it very hard to believe that someone who wants sex, even within the confines of a relationship, can’t find someone in 16 years. That’s a long time.
A lack of platonic opposite-sex friends is another big red flag for a lot of people. It indicates that the man puts women on a pedestal and doesn’t see us as equal human beings, but is instead standing across the proverbial junior high dance floor just wanting to score.
Oh damn, I’m starting one next week! Is that “it” for me, as they say?
No, I didn’t have any female friends. All the women I knew were attached to somebody else, and off limits. This means I knew them as somebody’s girlfriend or wife, not as a personal friend, and certainly not as a potential fuck buddy. Where I come from, you don’t try to become personal friends with another man’s wife or girlfriend, if you value the present arrangement of your bones. Other women I met, well that goes the same as with anybody you meet. You see how they are, how they interact with others, and you think, “would I like to be friends or more with this person?” And if the answer is no, then it’s no. For the record, I have never put women on a pedestal or viewed them as another species or an unequal human being.
As for the red flag thing, my wife didn’t have that barrier to getting to know me. We became friends very quickly, and one thing led to another, and I moved 1200 miles to be with her. It’s all working out, except for the celibacy part, which I have already explained. And I still don’t have any other personal friends who are women, for the same reasons.
Okay, this caught my eye–you are aware that there are very reliable methods of birth control out there that don’t necessitate living a celibate life while in a relationship? If you REALLY don’t want kids, or want absolute control over when you have them, consider the good old sperm bank deposit followed by vasectomy option. Fairly foolproof and doesn’t have the side effects of hormonal birth control.
I’ve been with the same person for almost twenty years, but we have this oddly rocky, on again-off again relationship in which we sometimes can’t stand to be around each other for protracted periods of time. During those off times, I found that I’d be very horny but I’d also turn down offers of sex–and some of them came from VERY sexy, gorgeous people. Turns out we’re kinda in love or something and neither one of us will do the casual sex route when we’re separated so we figured we’d better learn to get along in the interests of amicable mating.
I think the longest dry spell was almost two years–there were times I thought I’d go freakin’ insane with wanting to get laid, but I also learned a lot about myself and living alone and self sufficiency and creative wanking. Suffice to say that I no longer fear being alone and sexless, it’s just a phase like any other. I think that most of what people are feeling when they say they’re crazy horny is that they’re missing simple physical contact and intimacy more than actual sex and orgasm. People mostly don’t cuddle enough, it makes the singles get skin hungry…
Library science? Is that what killed my sex drive? But I’d already stopped working as a librarian, I have a much sexier job now.
Actually, I’d always firmly believed in the “sexy librarian” fetish. Hot babes in glasses shacking in the stacks… why is it so warm in here?
The longest celibate period I ever had, since I was 18 or so, was the last few months before my separation and subsequent divorce.
I agree with many others - a period of celibacy is best relieved by frequent sex.