Personal nicknames for strangers

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
21

as a wee-lad of 18 to 20ish… i’d often name the girls who worked at various business establishments. The qualification to be named were:

  1. I thought she was cute.
  2. I thought she was nice.
  3. There was no chance of me ever getting a date w/ said girl.
    Over the years there have been a few:

Girl-Friend the Original. (she was the cutest and first)

Girl-Friend the 2nd. (she was cute and… well… the 2nd)

Communal Girl-Friend. (I wasn’t the only one who thought she was qualified to be named Girl-Friend)

and the most recent: Girl-Friend the Fifth. (named such, becuz she worked at a liquior store… get it?)
on a related note: a girl i work with has a guy who likes to go through her lane… every day… I’ve named him her: Psycho Stalker Lover Dude.

22

Unfortunately for our neighbors, sometimes the names we come up with stick with them long after we know their real names.

The Scandahoovians: The retired couple across the street. When they moved in we checked the assessor’s page to see how much they paid for the house (they got ripped off!). His name is listed as Clude (I’ve since discovered it’s actually Claude) and the first thing we thought of was The Scandahoovians (despite the lack of ethnic last name).

The Neighbors Formerly Known as Todd: We still miss Todd, he was a great neighbor. This was a convenient name when he had renters. Now that he’s sold the place, **I ** know that our neighbors are Kevin and Kristy, but sometimes mr.stretch won’t know who I’m talking about so…

The Pools: They have a pool.

The Whackos: When we moved in and discussing installing a fence, Ms. Whacko told us that her property line ran all the way into our back yard and that in fact our patio was on her property. They have built this strange series of ever-shrinking storage sheds in their driveway. I can’t explain it, but it’s not attractive.

Ernie’s Daughter and Worthless: They’ve moved out and Ernie and his wife have turned the place into a day care. It’s much nicer now. Little kids during daylight hours when we’re at work, nobody there on the weekends except to mow the lawn in the summer. Bliss.

Arrow Boy: His house was recently repo’ed, but when he lived there he would practice archery in his back yard. No backstop for the arrows. In the city. With kids all around. He also threw his trophy deer heads on his garage roof to “cure”.

I’m sure the neighbors have a name for us too. We’re probably that crazy redhead and her poor husband. :slight_smile:

23

Ravishing - The old lady next door. I’m serious. I see her letting her dog out the back and pinning up her dishtowels outside, and she always has this showercap on her head. With the showercap on, she looks like a typical old lady, her face is very wrinkled, she has sharp, large blue eyes, but is otherwise pretty friendly. One day I saw her walk out of her front door, dressed very nicely, classy and proper for her age, and she still had that cap on. A younger lady ran up the walk, talking to her, and pointed at her head. The old lady looked surprised, then reached up and pulled the cap off. Honest to Og: she had long, beautiful, flaming red hair. I nearly cried when I saw how beautiful it was. I’ve called her Ravishing ever since. (And yes, I stare out my window a lot :wink: )
**
Uncle Love** - an old fellow who used to stop by my old workplace and give out candy to all the female workers, with a side order of ogling.

Rat Boy - a kid I used to see all the time, sporting a rat-tail hairstyle.

Miss Spiritual Tramp of 1948 - (stolen shamelessly from J.D. Salinger’s "A Perfect Day For Bananafish"): Sometimes when I walk toward the nearby drugstore, there is a lady who starts walking next to me, and she looks very perky, and has a very old-style hairstyle, like something from the 40’s. I don’t know how to describe it. But sometimes she walks along next to me, and she’ll say, loudly, “Have YOU accepted Christ into your heart?” I’m not one to disappoint, so I just say “YES!” Very loudly back at her. And she says “WONDERFUL!” Very loudly. And then she leaves me and follows someone else, asking the same question. Just say yes, and she’ll leave you alone. Sounds like a plan, to me.

Squid - A fellow who used to come into the factory who smelled very fishy. I mean, yes, it was a fish factory, but this guy smelled like he rolled around in fish. Worked out even better once I found out his name was “Sid”.

**Ross Gellar ** - Maybe doesn’t count, since I know the guy’s real name, but my husband and I never call him that. **Mr. Stasaeon’s ** doctor looks just like - dun dun DUN - Ross Gellar.

24

“I think you like me” Guy - The creepy guy who came in occasionally when I worked in BK. Kinda creepy and once actually told me “I think you like me.”

“John Boy” - A guy who went to my school.

25

I worked in a bookstore that was also something of a social center of the town. So We got a lot of “regulars” (ie people who spent more time there than the employees). I’m trying to remember some of the names…

Well there was the Mad Bomber. Actually we didn’t usually call him that as we knew his name was Tom, but he’d come in in army fatigues, with, usually, some strange bulge under his jacket. Which was usually, for whatever reason, toilet paper. But we had more than one customer come up and say…“err…that guy over there…”…And we’d have to say, “No, he’s harmless.”

But as far as names go I guess the best was:

The Wicker Man

Basically would come in drunk every few days and pass out in one of our cafe chairs. But on notible occasion he was drunk enough that he managed (out front of the store) to set his hair on fire trying to light a cigarette. Hence…The Wicker Man.

(No, he wasn’t hurt. Yes, we are cruel.)

26

We have a “walking girl” in Highland Heights/Cold Spring. She’s blonde and peppy with a ponytail that bounces with every step. She waves to everybody…we call her “Sassy”.

27

From now on, my nickname for** DarkSideoftheFloyd** is Creepy Hand Feeler. :smiley:

28

Years from now, I will think of someone being called “The Neighbors Formerly Known as Todd” and *still *laugh my ass off.

Thank you, stretch.

29

The Grape Ape - A huge, kinda slow custodian at a place we used to work. One day he came to work in a purple shirt. We could have called him Barney, but a maintenance guy called him Grape Ape instead, and it stuck.

Doo-Dah - Ever get a song stuck in your head? Some poor bastard where I work came in whistling “Camptown Races” one morning, and has been tagged “Doo-Dah” ever since.

30

Dorothy - a middle aged lady with jet black hair in pigtails that she wears in front, hanging into thin air as they make their way over her considerable boobage. Seen walking her dog to the mailbox everyday, including Sundays, at exactly 4:05 pm.

31

We have plenty at work.

  1. There is an obsessive compulsive guy with a thing about washing his hands. He’s the Surgeon.
  2. There was a tall thin bald headed guy. He was Mister Burns. He looked just like him, so that one was easy.
  3. We have another who has tons of untrue war stories. He’s the General.
  4. We have a guy who ONE TIME had a coughing fit. Ever since then, he is the Hairball. Cat owners will get this reference immediately.
  5. We have our very own tinfoil hat conspiracy nut. He is X-Files.
  6. We have a boss called Stinky (only behind her back of course).
  7. Finally, we had another supervisor, who was actually quite good at his job. Good boss, good instructor, etc. But, he tended to be just a little bit authoritarian and a little too sure of himself. He was God.
32

ok, a lot of these are kind of mean, but…

'Stache-- the girl with the prominent moustache that comes to the rec from time to time.

Team Adidas-- guy who always wears matching athletic jumpsuit things. Extremely white, but doesn’t know it.

Screech-- dining hall employee who looks land sounds like Screech from Saved by the Bell.

Mr. Popular-- kid nobody likes in my painting class. Constantly stands inches behind you looking over your shoulder giving advice. He is a terrible painter, by the way.

Sweetheart Reporter-- creepy kid who interviewed my friend during a protest, we think he actually goes to the highschool. He likes to stand near her and oogle her when we go to shows.

Cute Red Head Girl Who Always Sits Alone at Supper-- self explanitory.

33

friend marsie

sounds like t hey are identical twins separated at birth…

34

Oooh, ooh, more:

Midlife Crisis - a man from my hometown who drives a Jaguar around and around and around in a giant circle around town. Down Main Street, around the loop, all the way down to the other end, rinse, repeat. He also has some mighty woofers in there, and he plays his early 90s dance music: INSK INSK INSK INSK You can hear him coming from the town pump. He’s 51 years old. He only comes out at night, when all the teenagers start coming out. This is a tiny, tiny town, and I used to be one of those teenagers, when he was “Midlife Crisis” at age 40. He’s still going strong.

Fatty - one of my favourites. Nickname given to a very skinny guy, because of one time, back in high school, when he was running to get into a car. He hopped into the back seat, completely out of breath, and one guy asked “Going to be okay, Fatty?” The name has stuck ever since. He’s still skinny as a bean pole.

Boner - I knew this guy since elementary school, and never, ever by any other name. He is still called Boner to this day. No idea why. He’s very comical, though. Not sure of his real name. Supposedly, because of a conversation I had with him in Grade 12 Maths once, I still “owe” him a blow job. It’s weird. Sometimes an old friend will point it out. “Hey, don’t you owe Boner a blow job?” I have to think that one over everytime I hear it. Heck, it sounds logical.

35

Let’s see. Working at HT, we had a couple of nicknamed customers, usually a bad sign if you had a nickname.

There was an old lady called “Country Club.” Her house abutted a country club and so she affected to be a member. She was extremely snotty and would snap her fingers, call you “boy,” and tell you to bag her stuff. She would tip you a nickel or even better, a tennis ball that had landed in her back yard from the club. A ball that was gray on one side from sitting in the grass for months.

Then there was “Frog Lady” or “Ribbit.” She had a wide, flat face and coke-bottle glasses that gave her huge eyes. We didn’t like her because she would always come in five minutes before closing and stay a half-hour. She stoped doing this when we became a 24 hour operation.

Then there was “GODDAM!” She is one hell of a story so I’ll save her for another post. See y’all soon.

36

-Euclid Avenue Kung Fu Guy.
My own personal name for him. But when I refer to him by that name, everyone who works on Euclid Ave in Downtown Cleveland knows who I’m talking about. He’s a (homeless?) dude who will walk up to unsuspecting strangers using very long strides, perform a pseudo-kung fu move right in front of your face (frightening the bejeezus out of that person) and as quickly stride off. He did that to me once and my first instinct was to flinch and throw a punch at his head. He was just faster than me and I barely flicked his collar with my finger.

-Creepy Giant Eagle guy.
Works at the local Giant Eagle grocery. Tends to stare at customers and, when their back is turned, walks uncomfortably close to them and say in a voice that’s very low and a little too loud “Have a nice day.” Not creepy enough to tell management 'cuz I think he means well. My wife is squicked-out by him.

37

I don’t have nicknames for people, but my father-in-law does. My favorite is his name for the kid next door. They used to call him “Titty Boy”. Nowadays, he would properly be referred to as “Titty Man” - but having seen him, I understand where the name comes from. The guy is a D-cup.

38

Crazy Mary lives in my town. She’s a little old lady with a round face who walks EVERYWHERE. I see her a few times a week walking, no matter how bad the weather is. When I drive past her, she stares at me with a small smile until I’m gone. :confused:

Then there’s Pee-pee Pants. I feel guilty about thinking this is funny, but I’ll confess. A friend of mine told me that during beauty school, a woman came in all the time to get her hair done. One day, she wanted a perm, and was very fidgity through the whole process. When asked if she was ok, she’d just nod impatiently. While she was being rinsed, she couldn’t hold it anymore, and her bladder just gave up. She peed all over herself, the chair and the floor. She’s been Pee-pee Pants ever since.

39

We had a few nicknames for people in college that continue on to this day.

  1. I’m sure the girl had a thyroid condition or something equally unfortunate, but she had the slightly bugged eyes and therefore she was “Little Miss Constant State of Surprise.” Every time I saw her, I would whisper to my friends, “Holy cow! I’m in the cafeteria!” or “Look at that! The tree is STILL THERE!” Mean, I know, but funny to this day.

  2. There was a tall, pale, slow moving dude who didn’t say much and whose eyes were kind of glazed over. We all made sure that none of us exposed our delicate skulls to the Zombie. The Zombie hung out with the Weasel. Nobody remembers whether it was his features or his personality that earned him that nickname.

  3. One of the bartenders at our bar was named Brian and began dating an impressionable girl on the outside of our circle who was convinced that this guy was the smartest thing ever. Let’s just say… he wasn’t. In a flash of insight, I realized that “brian” was just an anagram for “brain.” The Brain he was. We all made sure to remind each other (often in front of this poor girl, much to her chagrin) to wear a hat if we were going out, because otherwise we’d be overwhelmed by the brain-waves.

  4. The story of how Troll-chick and Ogre Boy earned their nicknames seperately and then became a couple a year later is fodder for a thread of its own.

  5. Buttcrack Joe was a regular at our bar who never could pull his pants up all the way. The Underwear Girl, for some reason unbeknownst to any but her, got busted in front of all and sundry trying to steal an old pair of tighty-whities out of the rafters of that very same bar- on a crowded night. She never did live that one down.

I’ll check with my old college pal and see if I’ve left any out.

40

OK, here’s the skinny on the customer we referred to as “GODDAM!”

She was in her late 40’s or early 50’s, about 5’ tall and skinny as a rail. She was perpetually angry and would stalk down the aisles having a low, bitter argument with the invisible people who accompanied her. You could catch the occasional, “…Don’t have to take this shit…” or “workin’ my ass off…” as she shopped.

She got her name because no matter what the amount of the bill was, she’d be outraged and yell “GODDAM!” You could charge her a penny for four watermelons and she be pissed.

Occassionally, she’d bring in momma who was geologically old and deaf as a post. So she’d be yelling at Momma to be heard. The first time she and Momma came through my line, I was telling her the total but she couldn’t hear me. So I began saying it louder and louder until everybody was wondering why I was verbally abusing this old lady.

The best time was when they came in together and as I rang up the order GODDAM! was bagging it. (God help you if you tried to bag it for her). As she was baging, Momma tried to give her some extra cash and she yelled, “GO SIT DOWN, MOMMA GODDAMIT!” So when the total came up (GODDAM!), she was a few bucks short. So she stalks across the front of the store to the benches shouting at the top of her lungs,
MOMMA! WHERE *THE FUCK * DID YOU RUN OFF TO?

I and my coworkers laughed our collective ass off, but everyone else was shocked to hear this woman abusng her mother.

Not that Momma heard her of course.