Personal nicknames for strangers

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
41

From the gym:

BoyGirl - we weren’t sure which s/he was
Johnny One-rep - 'cos he would stride around for ten minutes, pick up a ridiculously heavy weight, do one rep, then go back to striding
E. Honda - self-explanatory
Mick Muscles - also self-explanatory

Sir keep-a-lot - a guy we used to play football with; he never passed the ball if he could help it
Critical Captain - another guy we played football with; he was captaining the team and spent the whole game criticising our efforts. Turned out to be a really nice guy in the end.

probably loads more I can’t think of right now

42

Man, my college roommate and I used to make up names all the time! The only one I can remember offhand is the Siamese Couple. From first day Freshman year to probably halfway through Sophmore year we would ALWAYS see this couple together. And not just together but attached at the hip. Always holding hands or arms around each other. We never once saw them alone. My roommate claims she even saw them attending class together. They a girl and a guy, both very tall, blondish, and thin as rails – Attractive in an Abercrombie way.

Then, sometime Sophmore year, my roommate came back from class, opened the door and blurted out, “I think the Siamese couple broke up!” Apparently she had seen the boy alone in a class. And just a week later we saw the boy w/ another girl. Shocking! hehe

I guess the only other naming thing I can think of is my best friend and I, toward the end of high school and beginning of college, started naming young groups of kids. Junior high and high school boys in groups are called Pubes (as in Pubescent). Groups of junior high or high school girls are Teeny-boppers. Groups of boys AND girls can be called either. We became crotchety old people before our time and would complain loudly about the pubes!

43

We had The Mad Flosser.

No matter what time I left the house in the morning, I was always behind this guy. At every stoplight, he’d frantically floss as much as he could til it turned green.

44

One summer 20+ years ago I was known as The Salad Bar Man I worked consruction at the time and there wasn’t a job to be had so every morning I walked the 2 miles to the local Pizza Hut in Green River, WY and had the all you can eat salad bar with 10-15 cups of coffee. Like Jared I lost a bundle of weight doing that.

They had a couple of really pretty girls working there and I would have preferred to have been Hung Like A Horse Guy or God, Look At The Body On Him Fellow. But it could have been worse I suppose.

45

Its a Miracle Jesus Freak Garden Guy He does the gardening at the library and when he is in side the place talking to the staff, something wonderful has always happened to him or soemthing, dunno, but all I ever hear is a loud, ’ It’s a Miracle." He creeps me out.

CokeBottleThickMustachedSkinnyLady I think something is wrong with her upstairs, but she is rail thin, blind as a bad and has a mustache.

Jesus Saves-Gretzsky Scores Family. They have their entire van plastered with religious bumper stickers.

The Lady with the triplets plus one. Pretty obvious why. Nice lady, but she has a voice higher than Mike Tyson. And she jogs every day. That is insane.

46

I do this all the time. My coworker in the next cube is Potato Chip Man because he noisily eats chips every afternoon. My favorite cashier at the grocery is Caffeine Girl because she keeps a big cup under her counter. She must drink a lot because she’s often shaking slightly or maybe she’s just cold. Other cashiers include GoldWoman, QuarterBoy and I’mAnExcellentBagger (you have to say that last on in the Rainman voice). My gardener is Toothless German Guy, his front teeth are missing and he’s very proud of his heritage. My neighbors are QuietWoman, DogLady, HappyCouple, TheCrazyCatLady and the Invisibles. Some names are very portable, almost every store/bank/library I frequent has a ChattyGuy, a PrettyBoy or a SnideClerk. At church there’s HatLady, EyesOfAFanitic, TinyDeacon, and God’s Wroth (he often does the reading and invariably reads wrath as wroth), MillionDad (I think and his wife are personally adopting every Russian orphan), and the Weird Couple (actually, they’re really nice).

47

<laughing> OMG, I forgot about that guy! A friend’s ex, every time we saw him there would be several women making small (or sometimes rather obvious, depending on the amount of alcohol consumed) pawing-on-the-ground gestures with one foot.

48

Cute record store girl, and gay record store guy work in the local record store, the guy may or may not bee gay, but has a very light and polite voice.

Skipping Psycho, at work during lunch hours he skips with a rope, whenever you talk with him his reactions are slightly strange.

Warm jumper lady, workd in the local CHinese supermarket, she is nice and always wears a warm jumper because the store has cold air conditioning.

Big friendly Mexican family, they own the local mexican restaurant, and all of them are overweight except one son who is very thin.

Tree Guy, goes to all the best events in San Francisco, often hands out save the native trees leaflets.

Ugly short girl, a transvestite in SF who is quite short, and makes a very ugly looking girl, he’s married with children and turns up at many of the weirder events allways in drag.

49

Mostly insane and/or “homeless” people who I see pretty much on a daily basis on my commute to/from the office:

The Hi Guy - Wanders around either via foot or bicycle wearing a big yellow shirt with a smiley face and the word “HI!” printed on it. Sometimes wearing one of those beanies with a propeller on top. And blue-tinted sunglasses. Strange, but friendly.

"Blind" Jesus Guy - Sits in a lawn chair on the bridge by the opera house wearing solid black wraparound shades and a huge Crucifix around his neck. All he does is silently sit there with a change jar in his lap from 9:00 to 5:00 with a big sign asking “IS JESUS IN YOUR HEART?” (extremely good penmanship for a “blind” person I might add). This “homeless” guy probably rakes in more cash a year than I do. I’ve seen him a number of times packing up his stuff after a hard day of sitting and then heading over to the train station out to the suburbs…

Dye Job Mustache Guy - Tall Greek-god-looking guy who silently wanders around downtown all day in the same dirty suit and sandals/socks/sneakers with no apparent destination. He has a huge head of “perfect” thick, wavy hair dyed jet black and a matching thick, bushy mustache (also dyed jet black). I’ve never seen him asking for money (or speaking period) so I think he’s just a financially well-off nutjob, a la Howard Hughes.

Crazy Mary - Haven’t seen her in a while so I assume she’s either dead or they finally institutionalized her. Old lady around my ‘hood with about 3 teeth who used to hang out by the Dunkin’ Donuts smoking and ranting nonsensical gibberish. Sometimes she would also swear/spit at you if you got too close to her. She was scary.

Can I Ask You A Question Guy - Panhandler who always accosts you with “Can I ask you a question?” before launching into his long, convoluted shpiel which always end up with him needing $4.90 to catch a train to the 'burbs. I fell for this the first time I saw him. Now our exchanges are like this:

CIAYAQG: “Can I ask you a question?”
BW: “You just did.”
::walking away while CIAYAQG scratches his head::

50

The only one I can think of is the woman who ceded me the lease on my first apartment. I could never remember her name, but she was from France, so I referred to her as Marie de France (after a medieval author).

51

I thought of a couple other ones.

I’ve had classes with this guy named Steffan since middle school. He’s one of those annoying, I-know-everything types that always speaks up in class and is usually pretty wrong. So my friends and I have gotten into the habit of calling people that act like that “Steffans”. I know about 12 Steffans and they’re all annoying.

Also: Sunshine
This deranged, overweight lady that prowls around main street. She always wears VERY brightly colored pants and likes to yell at passing cars and kids on bikes and whatnot. Once she chased one of my friends with a knife.

52

Let’s see:

Thong guy - rollerblades on the boardwalk at the beach in various costumes involving butt floss
Cat lady - this was a homeless woman who lived in a car in the neighborhood I grew up with (not sure about the cat moniker, but that’s what we referred to her as)
Seinfeld - some dude at work who resembled him, and I didn’t know his name
Mr. Burns - a former employee here, who I SHIT YOU NOT was a spitting image
Crazy Walking Guy - some guy always walking down the street in a straw hat, shorts, and boots (no shirt) and mostly he was carrying dry cleaning

I do this kind of nicknaming all the time.

53

I attended college with a guy known to all and sundry as “Black Man With Gold”. This was a pretty crappy commuter college in Long Island so I have to give props to the person who thought of that name because it almost sounds like a Matisse or whatever.
Anyway, Black Man With Gold was a very well if oddly dressed black man with lots of gold jewelry. He was from a foreign land and people reported that he came to school in a limo. I have NO idea of his name.

54

The only people I see these days are the ones at the coffee shop I frequent every morning.

Fagan: I don’t know if this guy is English, but he looks like something out of a Dickens tale. Long, horsey face, longish black unwashed hair parted in the middle. I’d like to photograph him, but am afraid to ask.

Naziguy: Bald white guy who works the coffee counter. Shaved young white guys just don’t look…right.

MAWILF: My age, but hot and flirty. A barrista at said shop.

Sardonic Woman: Another barrista.

Dancergirl: A barrista that walks and moves like she’s had formal dance training. I keep meaning to ask her, but it sounds like a pickup line.

Grayhaired Amazon: Tall black woman with conked gray hair who frequents the shop.

Pompous Ass: Suit-wearing, triple-shot slurping, park-my-fucking-BMW- crosswise-in-the-handicap-spot-cuz-I’m-only-going-to-be-a-minute-and-I’m-a-really-important asshole.

55

I know this is mean, but when I was staffing a leadership course with the Boy Scouts, there was a guy that worked in the warehouse that we called “The Chin.” It was in the same vein as a guy called “Slim” who weighs three bills or “Casanova” who…well…I digress…
Basically, his face ended just below his lower lip. I’m not quite sure how it was physically possible, but the flesh just sort of rolled under his lip straight back into his neck. The worst part was that the camp supplied him with an old van to carry food - or whatever - in. It looked like the vans they used in True Lies during the bridge scene but this one had those two little doors in the back with the circular windows. And it was painted a dull pea green.
A buddy of mine called back to me one day during the course, “Hey! Here comes the Chin in his yam-wagon!” I had to go back to the campsite after that one so I could laugh out loud without looking like an ass.
He was a really nice guy; very friendly. Even today, though, I can’t even think that line without cracking up.

56

I thought of another one,

Zoomtard-- anyone who thinks it’s undignified to run, so they walk very quickly and annoyingly to class.

57

Vegan Stallone ** – A guy I see around town who has a passing resemblance to Slyvester Stallone. He also appears to be vegan from what he bought at the grocery–lots of veggies, nuts, etc., and and loooots of what I know (as a vegetarian myself) to be the only meat-free flavor and type of ramen noodles.
**
The Crabby Witch Lady – This is an old lady who lived (and still lives) on our street when I was a kid. She looked rather witch-like, and her house sat on a lot that was much more woodsy and overgrown than the surrounding lots. I have never seen any expression on her face other than a scowl.

Old Pipes/ The Pipe-Smoking Guy – This was an old man who walked around my college campus, always smoking a pipe.

Creepy Rapper Cashier Guy – This guy’s a cashier at the local grocery. I’ve never really liked him, he just rubs me the wrong way, even at our short encounters when I’m making a purchase. On Halloween, he dressed like your stereotypical rapper from the 90’s. He is a middle-adged white guy. He kept making comments to me like, “Did you see our special deal buy today, girlfriend?” and “Here’s your change, sista”.
<<shudder>> I avoid him now whenever possible.

58

For whatever cosmic reason, in the late 80s and early 90s I managed to date five different Daves… in a row. I personally sponsored a quintet of uninterrupted Davitude. I was a serial homoDaveual. Way too many Daves for sanity.

During the transition from Dave I to Dave II, my best friend complained that she really couldn’t keep straight whether I was dishing about this Dave or that, so I gave them nicknames. Little did we guess how hoary the tradition would become.

First, there was Mean Dave, dark-haired and pale, gangly and endearing. Mean Dave was not actually mean. But we were in college to get BFAs in Acting, and Mean Dave loved impromptu improv stage combat. He scared the European Pink crap out of dozens of Dance students who shared the building with us drama geeks, hoping against hope to get through the hallway to the cafeteria without being Acted At. Mean Dave and I parted without meanness, and if any of y’all (yo, Cervaise!) know where he is these days, send him my best wishes.

Second, there was David Paul (“Paul” being his actual given middle name, though not, regrettably, very funny). Compact, redhaired, muscley, and full of himself (uh, I mean that in a nice way). Best wishes there, too. He was Acting in LA as recently as four or five years ago.

Oy. Then there was Dave from Hell. Blonde, pretty. What was I thinking? To our first date, after a delightfully deep/interesting conversation on our first meeting, Dave from Hell wore acid-washed jeans a decade after they’d started quit carying them at K-Mart, and (I’m embarrassed to reveal) actually tried to prevent me from opening my own car door for myself. My ur-feminist mother would be appalled, so don’t tell her, K?

Fourth and best, there was Sensitive Dave. tall, dark, sardonic, and handsome. I met Sensitive Dave by answering his Personals ad in the Weekly – he was looking for someone who could “belch with confidence.” (Hell, could * you* pass that up?) Sensitive Dave, though ex-Navy, was pretty damn sensitive, whipsmart, and excellent company. Turns out the Navy’d lured him in with promises of getting to be a dolphin-studying marine biologist, but -Gosh Darn!- it seemed that only electronic engineer positions were available after all once he’d enlisted. After trying to be sweet on each other for a long while, we gave up and became the good friends we should have been all along. (And he was able to start looking for someone with Really Big Breasts, a priority he was horribly conflicted about.) I have no idea where Sensitive Dave is now - he’s a gifted DJ and drummer, so y’all may have heard him somewhere. Used to work on The Mountain in Seattle.

And last, there was Stupid Dave. No idea what I was thinking. Stupid Dave was a degreed composer, proud to tell you that his primary creative influences were Journey and Hall & Oates. His major redeeming value was his roommate Larry, a genius chef for a ritzy downtown restaurant at the time… Chez Sophie, I think? Mmmm… Whichever, the restaurant is long gone. Too bad Larry was gay; he was cuter, smarter, more likeable, and much better with herbs than Stupid Dave.

I’ve been off Daves since. My husband, whose name is not Dave, doesn’t seem to mind hearing about them, mostly – there’s maybe a hint of his not enjoying Sensitive Dave anecdotes, but mr. emilyforce has no real need to worry and seems to know so. Have I mentioned what a hottie mr. emilyforce is? recently? So go see: http://community.webshots.com/scripts/editPhotos.fcgi?action=showMyPhoto&albumID=82295148&photoID=82301034&security=OwAKoF (he’s on the right)

59

Heh, thanks, now I can’t get that Kids in the Hall song out of my head…

I don’t make em up, but I found (to my chagrin) that I have been the recipient of a few names over the years…

There was ‘Nekkid Boy’, which I earned from an unfortunate incident in college in which I woke up hungover and naked in my room the day after halloween with no idea how i got there. I found out later that all of my clothes were in a woman’s room downstairs, and between our rooms was an approximately 50 yard hallway on the women’s floor. I didn’t find out about my nickname or the story behind it until the last week of the next term (about 7 months later) - I guess there was a big ruckus as I was trying to leave (escape) and the woman was trying to talk me into something… (staying? putting on clothes? We never really talked about what happened that night, but put into context, I was probably having a ‘moment of clarity’ and trying to escape) and everyone who had made it back to the dorms by then went out into the hallway to see what the ruckus was, and this ‘Nekkid Boy’ comes walking past… Now I met and got to know a bunch of these women over the next 7 months and they called me ‘Nekkid Boy’ behind my back! It was slightly embarrassing when I found out about the story and my nickname (which had spread to most women on that floor, even those who weren’t there ‘that night’, from what I understand). (and Like Sandyhook, I really would have preferred ‘Hung Like a Horse’!)

Just recently, I found out my nickname around the office is ‘F-Bomb’, in honor of my favorite superlative.

60

I’ve worked in movie theatres for a good portion of my life and the regulars started getting nick-names.

Some of the regulars had nice names like

Cary Elwes He looked amazingly like him and since this was the late 80’s this was a very good thing for him. He was a fav of the female staff.
Justice Rehnquisht Looked just like him, didn’t know who Rehnquist was when I mentioned it to him.

The Lobster Man This guy was an annoying person. He loved to make cricket noised in the theatre during quiet scenes and basically, although he was an 50 year old man, he loved to ‘flirt’ with the teenage girls on the staff. I think he was flirting, though I’m not really sure. Anyway LobsterMan was missing the three middle fingers on his left hand, leaving his thumb and pinky. You may think it’s mean to name him for this but he loved to stick it your face and then he clearly got off on making the girls squirm from seeing it. It didn’t bug me so he didn’t use that hand with me.
Incredible Mom. This was before the term MILF was invented. I think the term was invented for her.

The Green Tooth Boy. GTB was another regular that loved to stand around and talk to the girls trapped behind the counter. They couldn’t walk away. His name is self explanatory but he earned another one as well.

FreakyLookingWastedTypeGuy

One night, very late, after leaving the theatre, a friend of my stopped at a convenience store and there was Green Tooth Boy. A few minutes later a cop walked and started asking questions. The cop said he had a report of a Freaky looking wasted type dude hanging out in the store and bothering the girls behind the counter. GTB replied “I’ve been here for three hours and I haven’t seen anyone like that.”

One theatre I worked at was in Norman OK. The state mental facility was there and due to budget cuts, more and more people were treated on an outpatient basis. So we were treated to

The Man with three hats. This guy wore three hats all the time and rode around on a really tricked out bike with several horns and card in the spokes and streamers.

Spoon Man Spoon Man had a spoon. He would always have a spoon clenched tightly in his hand. OH and he talked to himself in the theatre all the time. One time an employee went in to ask him to be quiet. Spoon Man said it wasn’t him, it was all these other people talking. He said this pointing to the empty seats around him. The staff member looked at the empty seats and told them to be quiet. With that Spoon Man looked at him and said “Who are you talking to?”

Pisser When working in a multiplex we had this old man, who in the winter would come in and buy a ticket for the first show and then just move from auditorium to auditorium all day till about 5 or 6. The only problem was he would buy a drink and then piss in the cup and leave in the cup in the auditorium. I was elected to talk to the guy about it. It seems he just didn’t know where the bathroom was and he used them ever since but he kept the nickname.