Personal nicknames for strangers

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
101

Scary Collin, one of the nicest guys, and absolutely not scary except for his amazing ability of being behind you in the checkout line no matter where you might be shopping. He must be part of some sinister secret shopping cult.

Speedy TJ, a lady who works at Trader Joes who really rushes when working on the register, makes you want to tell her, slow down this is California, don’t give yourself a heart attack.

Nasty ice cream man, owns the Italian Gelato shop in Mountain View, CA. His mean demeanour is I think used as a selling point.

102

How could I have almost forgotten this…
Old Yeller. This guy used to live across the street and down just a few houses. He usually had his shirt off, lots of tattoos, shaved head, scary looking guy. Always a sour or angry expression. He and his lady did not work but somehow maintained three rotten kids. He did not have a hearing problem but he was always yelling at the top of his lungs.

103

At one restaurant where I worked, we had an overabundance of regular customers named Bob. We had nicknames for all of them so that we could keep them straight. I can’t remember all of them, but the ones I remember are:

Safeway Bob was a meat cutter at Safeway (supermarket), and an all-around fun guy. One day I was cooking a pancake for him, and he asked me to make sure the pancake was “thin”. So grabbed the meat-tenderizing mallet and made like I was going to pound his pancake. He said, “Oh, don’t do that! They’ll charge me for a waffle!”

Birdnest Bob was a looney older guy with a very long, bushy beard. The kind of beard that a bird might build a nest in. He had actually been permanently barred from four different places I had worked. In one place, as he was leaving one day, he walked the length of the lunch counter pausing to drink from each and every creamer pitcher along the way. At another place, after being asked to stop staring at the other customers, he got up and poured his coffee over the bartender’s head. And at yet another place, he was eighty-sixed for “Putting is boots up on the new upholstery, making a mess on the table with his tobacco and papers, and wearing plaid out of season.”

Offended Bob was a tall, sixty-ish man with a red face and glasses. I think he was fairly well-off, too. He would come in and sit at the lunch counter with the other regulars, usually just drinking coffee. Somebody or other would say something in jest, and O. Bob would be offended. He would get even redder in the face, announce that he was offended, and storm out. We wouldn’t see him for a couple months, but he’d always come back. It usually wasn’t long before he’d get offended again, and we wouldn’t see him for another couple months.

My whole town has a nickname for one local old lady: Crazy Evelyn. Evelyn always wears all black in the Fall and Winter, and all white in the Spring and Summer, in expensive clothes… She used to walk all over town, but now she takes the bus. She likes to show up uninvited at weddings and funerals and piano recitals, where she helps herself to the food and loudly criticizes whatever catches her fancy. Almost everybody in town claims to have had an unpleasant encounter with her at one time or another (I, both of my sisters and my dad have all had “Evelyn Experiences”). There are many stories floating around that explain “how she got that way”. She was gang raped in Mexico, her husband died and she lost it, she watched her parents die, she has advanced syphillis. The last theory is probably her own fault. She once showed up at a political fundraising banquet for our state Senator. She approached the Senator, and he, being polite, said, “Well hello, Evelyn!” She replied, very loudly, “Don’t you ‘Hello Evelyn’ me! You’re the sonofabitch that gave me the clap!”

104

While I was riding up the chairlift yesterday, one of the persons on it said that the she and several of the women’s masters racers had been watching me ski, and had taken to calling me “Quads of Steel.”

(She never should have told me, for now I’m hoping beyond hope that they decide to pass me around like a set of demo skis – not like that would happen in a million years. :o )

105

Thor- When I was in high school, I walked every day with my boyfriend and his brothers. We passed this house and every day there was a very tan, very muscular guy with long blonde hair hanging out in the front yard or garage with either short cutoff shorts or long holey jeans. We nicknamed him Thor. About 5 years later I was heading back to work after lunch and Thor was outside doing the landscaping. I was glad to see that he still had the hair and the holey pants.

Trent and Ratboy Junior. - Same walk to school, we passed these junior high kids. One of them looked like he was trying to emulate Trent Reznor, and the other one was like a tiny carbon copy of a friend of ours who was nicknamed Ratboy.

Mr. Combover - Really nice guy who worked at the post office, and happened to have an unfortunate hairdo. Saw him at a show once, and he said hi and started talking to us, and neither my husband or I recognized him because he had a hat on.

Mr. Reflecto - When we lived in NY there was a guy who was out running every night, in a suit that had reflective tape all over it.

Star Trek Guy - Really irritating and weird guy who works at the post office here. Always talks forever about things that most customers aren’t very interested in, and then goes off on huge rants abotu how he is always getting complaints for talking too much and holding up the line.

106

When my friend and I are taking our nightly walks these days, we always mutter when we have to pass by/wend our way through a group of unruly kids we have nicknamed “The Hoodlums” or “Those Miscreants.” They play on skateboards in the middle of the street, throw firecrackers under passing cars, were once seen playing with a blowtorch, and leave garbage in the gutters.
Little bastards.

107

Theres two massive russian dudes that use the gym i go to: I refer to them as

OMEGA RED

and The Russian

after x-men and punisher villains respectivley.

108

For Almost Child Star did some TV commercials when she was little. She apparently also started smoking at the same time, she’s my age (22ish) and already has advanced nicotine shakes.

Blinky: Blinky was a chess shark who used to play anyone he could find at the local coffee shop. He was so named because he had six or seven LED buttons that blinked in a seizure-inducing pattern. I guess this was his secret weapon for winning chess, or something.

Fat Fuck Who Can’t Walk On His Own Two Legs: gets around on his motorized wheelchair. He uses it as an excuse to be late for class and to pull girls onto his lap.

Girl-Joe: a girl who looks just like a guy named Joe, who is incidentally nicknamed TV-Joe.

Big “Gay” Derek and his Big Gay Girlfriend: BGD is the only man I know who turns straight when he gets drunk. He also has a girlfriend of comparable girth despite being “gay”. I’ve never seen them apart.

Miss Purple: a transgender who has a purple mohawk. Also stomps around in big combat boots/black. “He” looks pretty silly.

109

The Girl With Kaleidoscope Hair- this jaw-droppingly beautiful girl who used to work at Amoeba. She had these amazing green eyes, and just about every time I saw her, she had some new, unnatural hair color, which was always gorgeous.

110

Brad: the default moniker I give to any unnamed, any officious jerk I meet. No offense to anyone here who is actually named Brad. I think this was cemented in my mind after seeing a jerk office manager in American Beauty who was named Brad. That character and Kevin Spacey’s character in Glengarry Glen Ross are kind of the “Brad guy” archetype, even though Spacey’s character was named John. I’m not really sure how this works.

111

The Cool Walker - this guy in my building I see walking around town, he swings his hands a little more than usual and kinda flicks them at the end.

112

I could have sworn I posted in this thread already, but I did a search and I’m not here. Must have been a similar thread.

There’s one guy who comes into the cafe where I work. I’m the baker in the back, so I don’t have direct contact, but I can see out front and I call him “Mr. Tribble” He has the silliest, curliest toupee on top of his head. At least it matches his hair color though. The staff up front also call him “Mr. KU”, because he talks about, and really loves, sports at the University of Kansas, especially basketball and football. He’s quite eccentric, but always polite, and one of our best and most frequent customers, so when he doesn’t show up for three days we get concerned about him.

Then there’s “Buddha Lady” I know I mentioned her somewhere else on the SDMB. She’s well dressed, and has money, but is obviously under someone’s guardianship as she is crazy as a bedbug. Talks to herself all the time, mostly about conspiracy theories. Has smeared lipstick on her face, or taken extra chairs for her table, when she is alone. I’ve seen her in other places in town, she must walk or ride the bus. A coworker said she used to deface magazines at a local grocery store, like Cosmopolitan and the like.

She gets the moniker Buddha Lady from what she told a former coworker, how Buddha was on the cieling of her bedroom, shooting laser beams at her. Then he came down and made love to her.

113

I love having nicknames for people, since I almost never remember real names.

Really Hot Gay Guy - (formerly known as Hot Guy TM) flaming emo blonde hot as hell ex-boyfriend of a girl I was in The Crucible with. He was so gorgeous, even my guy friends agreed upon it (although we are in drama), and one of my friends, DJ, decided to announce it to him. He walked up to Really Hot Gay Guy and said “You are officially Hot Guy TM!” RHGG looked him up and down, smirked, and walked away leaving DJ very confused. We then explained gaydar to him.

“Freshmen Suck!” Guy/Young Snape/Columbine Kid - My friend DJ, who, on my first day of Freshman year, yelled at my friend Tina, “Freshmen suck!” Now, being a very empowered freshmen, I shouted back, “Sophomores/Seniors/Juniors suck!” For a long time, that’s all I could remember him for, except for two things: 1. DJ has a love-hate relationship with hair gel. Use it, and he looks suspiciously like Snape (due to his tendency to dress in black and his very large nose), don’t and he has a jewfro to rival Justin Timberlake at his worst. 2. He wore tons of trench coats, especially long black ones that suspiciously swished when he moved and hid his flag pole frame along with anything he might be carrying. This lead to claims he was the poster child for Columbine.

Count Olaf - my asst. principal. He even does the hand thing that evil characters tend to do.

Ken Doll - Rabid right wing slightly racist guy who supervises In School Suspension. He wears button down shirts tucked into very, very tight jeans (the kind only guys with a Ken doll figure should use). He also has thick dyed blonde hair Donald Trump would be jealous of, especially since they’re around the same age. Called this only by my friends, most everyone else refers to him as Fishstick. His last name is Fisher and he’s got this stick shoved up a very inappropriate place.

80’s Hair - I’m not very good at remembering names, and often switched my favorite teacher’s name up with my least favorite. She (my favorite) had lovely large, black, 80’s hair.

Bicycle Bob - affectionate name of one of our two local homeless men. Died recently, but had lived the last thirty years of his life collecting bottles and pedaling around town, ever since the local mental hospital released a large amount of wards of the state in the mid-sixties/early seventies. His real name may be Steve.

Shoprite Sam - Homeless man #2, lives behind Shoprite.

The memory thing is a family problem, so we tend to forget the names of new neighbors. So we have *The Old, Old New People (moved here when the 4th HP book was published… 2001? We finally learned their last name this year), *The Old New People (moved here 2 years ago), and *The New New People, only a year in the making. I’m the only one in the family who knows the latter’s last name.

Crazy Insomniac Lady - woman on our street who goes for walks extremely late at night. I once chatted with her for an hour when I took my dog out past midnight.

Hannibal Lector Wannabe - my older sister’s name for Laura Bush, because apparently her movements and habits greatly resemble Hannibal Lector and other (real?) serial killers.

Names I have been given:

Your Autistic Nephew - one of my older sister’s best friends has only met me once, and insists every time my name comes up that I am her autistic nephew. Now, I may have short hair and when he met me it was even monochromatic, but I am NOT a boy. My sister doesn’t have a nephew, let alone an autistic one, but her friend is convinced she does. He had actually learned my name at one point, but has since forgotten it due to his new little alcohol problem.

The Girl of a Thousand Haircuts/Multi-colored Hair Girl - One year, I managed to cut my hair 4 times in 6 months. People noticed. Shortly afterwards, I dyed my hair purple, and. My hair doesn’t hold colors well, so it changes fairly quickly on its own unless I double dip it. At this point it has been purple, bright red, dark red, bright orange, blonde, and greyish lavender, all within a 2 year period, switching between red, orange, and strawberry blonde for the last year or so. People notice that too.

114

When I first moved into this apartment, I started calling my neighbor "Catman"because he had several cats, at least five, hanging around his apartment.

Five years later, knowing full well his name is Gene, we still call him Catman. Even funnier is now I have six cats and I wonder if new neighbors call me Catwoman.

115

Hmm, back in my Tuesday-club-night days I think I used to see these same guys! I used to go dancing with my friend/co-worker/tattoo artist and we had names for all the regulars. Often the next day at work she’d draw cartoons about stuff that happened at the club. We had:

Jogger - He danced like he was jogging in place all the time. My friend drew him wearing fish oven mitts.

Pocky - Name should be self-explanatory. He had an un-ass. We used to joke that if he took his pants off, his torso would be hovering eight inches above his legs, with nothing in between. We were pretty sure he was probably gay, but he used to follow us around and dance near us. Never talked to us though. Not only did she draw me a Pocky de Milo, we also had a poem for him: Roses are red/Violets are blue/Pocky will wave/ His un-ass at you

There was also:
Worm Dyke - Even though she was short and kind of chunky, she managed to dance like an undulating worm anyway. Once she hit on this other girl who was with us, and who had an unrequited crush on Jogger

The Hot Bartender - I found out later his name was Chuck, and after I got over my crush and could actually order from him, he would give me free drinks. He’s immortalized in one of my tattoos, not s because of his hotness, but because my friend drew a really cool picture of him as a vampire victim on our Halloween party invitation to taunt me, and I loved the drawing.

Some other random people my friends and I have named:

Feral - A homeless guy in my town. I haven’t seen him around in ages, but he used to hang out with other guyCrazy George, whose real name is actually George. We don’t know Feral’s real name but he looks sort of, well, feral.

Green Dress Lady - A Celtics season ticket holder. Always wears the same ugly green dress.

Candy Man - A Bruins season ticket holder. Hands out candy to all the arena employees. Since we didn’t have hockey last year I’m not sure if he’s still around - he’s pretty old and wasn’t doing so well last time we saw him. If he’s gone, I’m sure there’s a place in heaven for him - he was really nice.

Enchirito Man - Waay back when I used to work at Taco Bell, he would come in every weekday as soon as we opened for an enchirito and a coffee.

Demented Jerry - This guy that I’ve seen at a lot of minor league hockey games. Looks like a short, demented Jerry Seinfeld.

The Gay Vikings - Two guys who came to a Prince concert last summer. They had these little ponytails on top of their heads and were wearing denim vests with fur trim in places it doesn’t usually go. They could dance though!

The Unsuccessful Ho - Someone else I’ve seen at minor league hockey games. We’d go out after the games and could count on seeing her throw herself at, and get rejected by, every guy on the team.

I know there’s a lot more, but I can’t remember them all right now. I don’t even want to know what sort of unspoken nicknames people give me…

116

I used to work in a busy downtown area. During the noon hour, an elderly street preacher with a very rich, deep, booming voice (similar to the voice of James Earl Jones) would often stand on a certain corner. He often began his orations by saying WHERE WILL YOU SPEND ETERNITY? – and he did it in such a commanding manner that people couldn’t help but listen! This man was on that corner day in and day out for years.

My coworkers and I called him “The Eternity Man.” When several days went by without anyone having seen him, we asked around and learned from a shop owner that The Eternity Man had gone to his final destination. :frowning:

117

Personally, I prefer “Little Bastards” over the others.

118

Gotcha. For being little bastards, they seem to be increasing in number. :mad:
Another one: DrumBoy: He lives across the street. His parents (curse them) bought him a drum set last Christmas, put it in the garage for him, and he still has absolutely no sense of what he’s doing, despite all the Guns N’ Roses and Led Zeppelin tracks he tries to play along with.

119

Actually… I did remember one nickname that someone had for me. The woman I board my horse with had a Hispanic guy working for her for a while, and one day I asked him to relay a message to her for me. Except he couldn’t remember my name because I don’t think it has a Spanish equivalent. And since I’d just recently gotten my Saturn a few weeks before, it took her a while to figure out who Mrs Blue Car was.

120

The Old Fart Across The Street. Who parks his ugly truck right in front of our driveway so it’s hard to back the station wagon out. Although I don’t think anyone would notice if we hit the damn thing.