personal problem- tmi: advice? (warning: adult content)

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

I can’t stand it anymore. I have to get this weight off of my back. I am at my wit’s end. I need insight, among other things. I’m willing to risk sounding pathetic and desperate. I have to talk about this. I’m just going to be blunt about it.

I’m suffering from chronic sexual abstinence! It’s driving me insane! It’s bad enough that I think about sex, as much as I do, on a conscious level. Compound that with an endless barrage of subconscious erotica as I sleep and dream, and it becomes excrutiating. Bottom line is: I don’t simply want to get laid, I need to get laid! Nothing else is going to substitute.

I’m fed up with masturbation. Masturbation is like attempting to extinguish a raging house fire, with a squirtgun, when one really needs a fire truck. What an act futility and waste of energy! Additionally, masturbation tends to only “fuel the fire” instead of quench it. OTOH, refraining from masturbation also allows the fire to rage out of control, on it’s own, hence, still no relief.

To compound matters even further:
[li]I have no s.o. or female friend to call on who would be willing to “help.”[/li][li]I’m too shy and moral to attempt initiang a one night stand with a bar / club chick. It’s also risky. If I got pissed off enough at my situation, I might be able to try, but I don’t handle rejection well, and might give up too soon.[/li][li]There’s no way in hell I would even consider hiring a prostitute. Relieving a serious case of blueballs is not worth risking acquiring an STD over, regardless of whatever safety precautions.[/li]
So, here I am, left to suffer. I have tried to occupy my mind by doing other things, but it works only momentarily, then my body kicks me in the cranium, and says “Hey man, wake up, you can’t get rid of me by ignoring me! Now get me some action!”

I’m not a guy who is a “player.” If I were, I wouldn’t have this problem, in fact, I’d probably have worse problems! I am not the kind of guy who meets a woman, gets what he wants, and then forgets about her. I have a heart, and frankly, I’d take a real relationship over a plain ole “lay”, in a heartbeat. But relationships take time, a lot of time, and right now, I don’t see any possibilities open in that area.

Now before someone says it for me, I know all of the cliches. Don’t give me cliches, please. Because a cliche happened to work in your life, doesn’t mean that it will happen to work in mine. That’s as silly as saying that if my next door neighbor won the lottery, that I am guaranteed to win it too.

I also admit that I have things in my life I need to work on, about myself, for myself, before pursuing a real relationship. I don’t deny this.

So, with all that said, my only option, presently, is to just get laid. I am not “above” one night stands. I have done them before, but they were mutually agreed upon as being such beforehand, and meant to be nothing more, no strings attached. These have been rare, and I met them all via online, as opposed to a bar or club. I have surfed around and there is nobody available.

I suppose I could call up my ex-gf, we parted amicably, but this would be bad, because it would be as pouring salt in the wound, since we are broken up. Neither of us are ready to re-enter that relationship. We’d only hurt one another emotionally if we messed around with each other again. I care for and respect her too much to do that to her.

Enough ranting on though. ladies… any advice? guys…any advice? MSK needs to get some action or go legally insane from celibacy.

2

Two words, dude: escort service.

3

  1. Keep busy, and I mean hellabusy. Join a gym and start working out crazy crazy hours. Volunteer for every additional project you can at work. Start working on a second degree (or a first). Do all of these things, not just one. Make commitments to other people (think community theatre). Nothing like upping your stress level to the moon to kill your sex drive.

  2. Avoid sexual stimuli. We are so bombarded with sexually explicit images, it is a wonder any of us get any work done at all. You can’t get rid of all of them, of course, but try. Read lots of non-fiction, watch the Discovery channel.

Neither of these will fix the problem, of course, and you wouldn’t want them to–arousal is pleasant in and of itself. But hopefully they will bring it down to a managable level.

If this is really really interfereing in your life, the way alcohol interferes in an alcoholic’s life–you are in danger of losing you job, materbating five times a day, eyeing the cat–well then I suppose you could see your doctor or a psychaitrist who specializes in sex disorders nad see if they would prescribe prozac. According to an article in the NY Times magazines a few months ago, it can work miracles for people whose sex drives are out of control. But the people they were talking about wree quite a bit worse off than you are making this sound.

4

You’ve clearly given this a lot of thought, and I think you said it best yourself when you wrote:

Now, I know you say you aren’t looking for a real relationship right now, and that’s probably wise. However, I think it would be safe to extrapolate this statement to include short-term, “meaningless” relationships as well. I’ve read your other thread (boards too slow for searching and linking, sorry) about your social anxiety, and it sounds like that’s a hurdle that needs to be overcome before you can go about the business of getting laid.

The sooner you’re able to approach someone in a club or through a singles’ service or at any social engagment, the sooner you can strike up some kind of relationship. I’m not telling you anything new here; it’s all been covered in your other thread, and I think you would be well served to act upon some of the excellent advice you received there.

I know this isn’t the answer you want to hear. I wish I could say “Well, my friend Tabitha is really loose, here’s her address, pop by any time,” but I don’t have a friend named Tabitha or anything. I think, deep down, you know that you have to find some way–despite money troubles and other obstacles–to combat your social fears before you can get this problem well and truly resolved. And it will be difficult. I know.

The answer won’t be anywhere close to simple. But I can tell–and I think other people who read this thread and who have read the other thread can too–that you’re fed up. You’re mad as hell, and it won’t be long before you decide not to take it anymore. You were so brave in going to that club the other day. Even if you didn’t talk to anyone, it was a big step, and you will find the strength to take more steps like it. We can all tell, and we’re all pulling for you. Really.

Oh, and this is my trite cliche bit: no one ever died from not having sex, but think of all the people who’ve had heart attacks and strokes and the like during the act. Really, you’re doing yourself a favor. :slight_smile:

Good luck. {{{MSK}}}

PS: What about a massage parlor? I don’t know about your area, but where I am, there are several such places where non-penetration sexual favors (hell, maybe penetration, too. You only hear about the blowjobs, though) can be purchased. Maybe that would tide you over until the situation improves. It’s not getting laid, but it’s hardly masturbation, either. Just a thought.

5

Bathing in vinegar might suppress some of that stink of desparation.

6

Ewwww. The picture I’ve got in my head just now…

7

:rolleyes: Well you just made and even more “eewww” picture… “TheLoadedDog”, “masturbation,” and “squirtgun” placed together do not make for positive mental imagery either.

8

Try men.

9

Well, sweetie, I am not the best person to give you advice. I made a decision almost ten years ago to be celibate until I found the person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with.

So far, he has either not appeared, or he hasn’t been willing to stay.

So, my take on this? The longer you go without sex, the less you miss it. Of course, for me sex and love are inextricably bound together, so maybe I am totally without credibility in this thread.

Hang in there, honey. Don’t look for sex, look for love and friendship and contentment.

That is my most likely lame advice.

::hugs galore::
Scotti

10

Scotti: That is, in no way, lame advice.

MSK: You need to take care of your emotional problems first before you go off looking for a relationship. When you start taking care of yourself and improving the situation in your life, the right person eventually comes along. Healthy people attract healthy relationships.

11

Or dolphins.

12

Conjure up an image of a naked Janet Reno. That will having you clicking your heels together three times, and saying “There’s no place like celibacy, there’s no place like celibacy!”

I also have a friend that has urged me to sign up for a course entitled: “Guilt Without Sex” Shall I pencil* you in?:slight_smile:
*The use of the word pencil in no way reflects on the, erm, dimensions of MSK. It’s just a catch phrase, OK? Do you guys have to assign a sexual connatation to everything? Sorry I brought it up!:wink:

13

Oh, great. Now I don’t ever want to have sex again.

b.

14

I don’t want to counter the advice here that says stop looking for a quick-fix when you’ve got bigger things to work on.

I think that’s very sound.

However, I want to point out that ANY one-night-stand gives you a risk of STD. Hell, a long-term relationship (unless with someone who was a virgin when you met) has the same risks. I say this because you made it sound like seeing a prostitute is so much riskier than other options. I say it isn’t.

Condoms will protect you against most stuff, though probably not HPV. And they estimate a BUNCH of people are carriers, so I don’t think you’re going to have much success avoiding all exposure to that one based on stereotypes or appearances.

You might try taking masturbation to the next level. Get some more interesting porn. Drill a hole in a zucchini. Wrap yourself in a cape and wear a mask. Try auto-fellatio.

15

“Get yourself a mad-ass ho’ and have her do some WILD shit” :wink:

Seriously, either you have to go to a singles bar or call an escort service.

— G. Raven

16

Um, CAAOM, not many guys can do that. Only the biggest of the big who are the most flexible of the flexible can do that.

{It’s also quite disgusting!}

But on a more serious note…

MSK: As I was reading your post, I was thinking (no offense) “What a wimp…” But I didn’t realize you had social anxiety. Isn’t there a pill for that I now? I know, one shouldn’t solve all of his problems with a pill (hey, it worked for Bob Dole) but, you know, if you’re that horny…

However, I do agree that you should solve your emotional problems before you seek out other things. Good luck, man.:slight_smile:

17

Paxil is said to be a good drug for social anxiety (and depression), however it does have its side effects. Have you spoken to a doctor yet about your issues in the other thread? Treat one the other might take care of itself.
…BTW I KNOW I am probably the LAST one to give such advice if you have been reading my recent posts about my depression, but I have been reading a LOT about such things and thought I might pass on some info I have gained in doing such.

18

Paxil is very good for depression, it really is. It also commonly makes people uninterested in sex, esp. in high doses. I have taken the stuff, and polled others, even dudes, with the same responses. So just get a lil’ ole prescription and there you go, on to other things.

Pink

19

I watch the Discovery Channel sometimes. Aside from showing naked breasts on specials about natives of certain countries, they also have specials about what makes people sexy, why people have sex, etc. I’d say stay away from the Discovery Channel and watch the Sci-Fi channel instead. Or CMT. :smiley:

20

Paxil, along with Rogaine, Etc. kinda give an idea where you feel better & can get the woman but can’t do anything with her cause of a sometimes flaccid state effect, if you catch my drift.

Massage parlors are full of disease. I suppose a local bar would be easiest or a Rave concert to find a lady not that they are any less disease prone.