I’m taking out a load of garbage when some woman comes striding forth from the house one over and across the alley and introduces herself. I don’t remember her name, already, but she wants me to “know” that there are squirrels in my garage roof. I do know that, but I just haven’t taken it up as a project. Mostly, the squirrels don’t bother me.
She continues with a long explanation of how she’s seen this squirrel and some other neighor has seen two of them, and etc., and apparently there’s an entire colony of the crinners what taken up residence in my garage, which have been the source of endless gossip and consternation to the people across the alley.
She continues with various recommendations to get rid of them, some of which are dangerous, inhumane, and illegal (smoking them out, which should never be done in any kind of structure), and then half-heartedly suggests there are no-kill traps, because she saw the expression on my face. As soon as I agree that the squirrel problem is worse than I imagined, and I’ll do something, she starts in on how she’s been talking to the neighbors about my retaining wall, and the weeds and trees that poke through the cracks. I live in a house on a hill with an alley that cuts along the side and there is a rather old cement wall holding the hill in place… I’ve noticed the weeds and volunteer trees and spent entire days battling them, and, in fact, at present there are no living things of any kind threatening the wall, but there are still cracks that were there when I moved in.
After several minutes of this, she asks me if I own the house… no doubt thinking I am part of the problem, a mere renter, since Quality of Neighborhood is a mathemetical thing these days, a ratio of home-owners to renters. I say that I do, and that I have owned my home for three years. I do not point out that I have a new roof, a new water heater, mow my lawn once a week, have painted the deck, killed all the weeds and volunteer trees alongside the house, and basically tried to keep my house presentable within my available time and funds. Because I know if I’ve lived there three years, and this is the first time she’s bothered to walk across the alley, and it’s only to bitch about the squirrels in my garage and the goddamned retaining wall which I’ve taken care of, she’s not interested. But it’s both a surprise and a shock that despite the measures I’ve taken to maintain and beautify my home, there are still neighbors clucking about behind my back about other problems that they imagine ruin the neighborhood.
I can even understand being worried about property falling apart on the same block, but it’s very annoying that they haven’t bothered with me for years, and give me no credit for the improvements on my home. “I notice you’ve got a new roof, and repainted the deck, and I even notice that you cleared the vegetation in the cracks of the retaining wall, great work, looks good, no about those squirrels…” However, this is just goddamned unneighborly and bothersome.
Well, I have a no-kill trap and you can guess where I’ll release the first squirrel I catch…