PETA be damned, I'm going to kill my dog

The BBQ Pit
1

As most of you know, and even less of you care, I’ve been hard at work putting a manual in my car.

I’m really really close to being done. I only have a few things left to do and I’m finished. One of these things is switching the passenger side chassis support. I got the support off of the car being modified, and then (finally) got the support off of the donor car. I’m busy attempting to put the donor support on my car when one of my dogs wanders over to see what I’m doing. I pat her head, and scratch her ears and get back to what I’m doing. She decides the best place to get out of the sun is under the car, which is fine with me.

The sky starts to rumble, so I hurry up with what I’m doing so I can finish before it starts to rain. So I’m laying under a greasy car, holding up a 50 lb. support with one hand, and threading a bolt to hold it up with the other, when my dog comes over and lays down beside me. Under the support. So I shoo her away and go back to trying to thread the bolt, as my arm is getting really, really fucking tired. She decides it’s time to play and starts looking my face and nuzzling my (tired) arm. I reach around and shove her away, but she redoubles her efforts. I drop the support, narrowly missing myself (and her), grab her collar, and drag her out from under the car. She runs away, and dashes back at me. I yell at her to “GO AWAY!” but she just wags her ass and hangs out her tongue. I crawl back under the car, wrestle the support back in place, and try again. She crawls on top of me and starts nosing around on my arm again. I shove her back off, crawl out, and go around front to see if I can’t get that side up. By now the sky is really rumbling, and I’m hurrying my ass off so I can get this done. I get the first bolt in, and crawl back around to get the anti-sway bar attached. It’s bolts are a little wide for the arm, so I grab a pair of pliers and squeeze them together to slide them in, while she’s nuzzling my arm and slamming her tail into my side. I finally get the bolts together enough to slide them in, and she slaps into my arm and I lose my grip. Fuck. So I try again. I get them together and slide them in and try to thread a bolt on them so they don’t come out again. She crawls back under the car, right under the support arm. If I drop it, she’s smush. So I grab her collar and pull her out again. She crawls right back under. I thread the bolt and grab a hose. She sees the water and runs away, so I drop the hose. She comes right back and starts slamming into me again. I shove her away and scream “GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME!” but she just wags her ass and dives under the car again. I pull her out and shove her away, and she runs around the under side and crawls right back under. What, is this a fucking game to you?! No amount of yelling at her pushes the idea through her tiny fucking mind that I am NOT playing. I’m screaming at her in my angriest possible voice, and she thinks it’s a fucking joke.

The sky is really cloudy and rumbling now, so I’m busting my balls to get this done so I can get everything into the shop before the clouds break. I give up on the support and throw a few blocks under it, grab a battery, plug it up, and put up my windows (power, hence the battery) RIGHT as it starts to downpour. So now it’s dumping fucking buckets, and I’ve got hundreds of bucks worth of car parts, tools, and equipment getting soaked, because my fucking dog thinks me screaming at her and dragging her out from under the car time and time again is a fucking funny game. I’m completely drenched, and get the last tools into the garage, right as the rain stops.

Fucking dog. She’s lucky to be alive right now.

–Tim

2

Sounds like life at the Tim house is just a laugh a minute! I’m pretty sure she knew exactly what she was doing and how it affected you. What a bitch!

3

Hey Homer - that was some storm - I could see the lightning from Overland Park.

I used to have a cat that would do similar things, but he wouldn’t ever bother me. Just come under the car, and lay right next to me quietly. He would get horribly covered in grease, brake fluid, what have you - but would never mind, and loved to just lay beside me as I changed brakes, clutches, etc.

This might sound odd, but why didn’t you just tie the dog up?

4

I understand totally. I have had dobermans who didn’t understand “no” until I started kicking them in the ribs with steel toed boots. Then he gets all offended. Like I wanted him attacking my younger brother.

You’ll have to tie the dog up next time.

5

I’ve found that the best way to disipline a dog (and actualy get your point across) is a low, deep-throated growl. Make yourself as big as posible, and stare them in the eye. they’ll know exactly what you mean.
if not, a swift kick in the ribs does the trick…

6

I didn’t have a rope. She’d chew through it, anyway. She’s a three (four?) year old yellow lab that still thinks she’s a puppy. I wouldn’t have minded if she just laid there (NOT under the crossmember, mind you), but she kept crawling on me and nudging me and smacking into me as I’m holding a huge crossmember above my head. That’s hard to deal with.

And Zette? I’d never hurt her. It’s an expression. And sorry for offending your sensibilities. I’ll try not to ever get irritated again. Thanks.

–Tim

7

Homer, the good news is that you are officially the “alpha” male of your pack. Her behavior means that she sees you as the leader of the pack, and she’s a subservient female. And when you push her away and yell at her, she thinks (correctly) that she has done something wrong. And being very loyal pack animals, she then wants desperately to make up with you. And in doggy behavior, that means doing exactly what she did. She was telling you she was sorry by sucking up to you. And the angrier you got the more desperate she was to regain your love.

In the future, it would be better if you just took her in the house because clearly she didn’t make the connection between your anger and her behavior (her getting under the car). English being their second language, dogs are dumb that way.

But, hey! at least you’re the alpha male. My beagle thinks I’m omega dog.

8

Homer-sounds like our cats. My parents brought a brand new area rug for the living room. Five minutes later Noel decides to sharpen her claws on it. Misty sees Noel doing it, and she starts copying her Kitty-Sister. She pulls a big ass thread out of the brand new carpet.
That’s the ONLY time I ever saw my dad actually YELL at that cat. (My dad is such a softy for those animals!)

9

GRRRR! GET IT?! (I kick eggo as hard as I can)

No? I’m not surprised, you aren’t as smart as a dog…

Fuck, Homer, could I like buy you a clue or something? Your dog is doing shit that, one way or another, YOU’VE trained her to do!

I’m seeing a problem here with YOU not her…

Oh, and BTW, thanks so much for giving me something to post to; I’ve really missed the Pit!

10

So, Homer, did the manual transmission mate okay with the host engine? How did you resolve the clutch mechanism problem(s)? Any problems with the drive shaft?

Oh, and the dog? Put her in the house while you are working on the car.