Either I have jeans that get up and walk around on their own, or I am the most absent-minded fool on the face of the earth. See, things were finally looking up - I got a job, my car payment was going to be early instead of late, and the weather was finally getting nice enough to wear shorts. Then, the most awful thing ever happened. (Well, maybe not the most awful thing ever, but it’s pretty bad - in my little world, anyway.)
I changed my pants when I got home from work and set them on the floor of my relatively-clean bedroom. I went to bed and woke up the next morning - my day off. I remember seeing my jeans on the floor when I got up to take a shower, but when I returned they weren’t there. “No big deal,” I thought, forgetting that both my keys (car, house, etc.) and wallet were in there. I live with my aunt, and I figured she just took them downstairs when she was going to do laundry.
I had to go to work the next day (Saturday) and after getting ready a half-hour early, I instinctively reached into my pocket to get my keys. Much to my surprise, they were missing. No worries yet - I’ll just go find the jeans I had on yesterday. Checked the laundry room: no keys. Checked the dryer: no keys. Checked the hallway outside the laundry room: no keys. Look around the entire fucking house, including the front and back yards:** NO FUCKING KEYS. ** My aunt - the only other person who lives here - swears up and down that she hasn’t seen my black jeans that I have to wear for work. I obviously haven’t seen them, so where in the holy blue fuck are my goddamn car keys and wallet?!?
I can’t rely on other people to get me to work, and public transportation costs money - which I conveniently left in my wallet in my damn jeans. I’ve looked everywhere, and I haven’t found a trace of anything even remotely key-like. I learned a few valuable lessons, though.
LESSON #1: Take stuff out of your pockets and put them in a safe place before you go to bed.
LESSON #2: Always leave a few dollars in a safe place, just in case you lose your wallet.
LESSON #3: Make copies of your car keys.
Yeah, I know. I should have known all that already. And yes, I know they have to be somewhere, and I’ll find them if I keep looking. And yes, I also know that pants don’t just get up and walk away on their own. This is very frustrating, as I told a friend of mine (whom I haven’t seen in what seems like forever) I would pick her up on Thursday from a town three hours away. How will I do that with no car keys?? I’m blowing this totally out of proportion, I know, but I needed to vent. FUCK!! I’ve often misplaced my keys and found them a few minutes later, but a few days?? This sucks.
<<deep breath>> OK, I’m done now. Carry on.