Having read only th eOP here’s my take on it: The guy was a complete ass. Not your wife’s fault in any way. It sounds like she did compeltely the right things, and then let you know when he had taken her attention incorrectly. Be careful about your response - you don’t want her to be afraid to request your assistance when men act badly in future.
And they will, because there are quite a few asses out there. That doesn’t mean she should have to live her life as if every man is an ass.
Given this new information, I don’t think there is anyone in this thread who would agree that the situation was inappropriate (those who were arguing it was were assuming you were alone), unless there is more information not being shared (e.g., you as a couple are very protective of your personal space, you have an agreement you need to communicate when something like this takes place, one of you has issues with strangers/boundaries, etc.)… which, given this fairly major piece of information that just came out, I am certainly not ruling out as the case.
It’s kind of weird to me that you’re having fights about this kind of thing, honestly, especially the one about asking what to post.
Originally Posted by VoluntaryFireman
“This is the wife of the firefighter…He did fail to mention my mom was here with me the whole time. I did NOT invite him in while alone. Nor would I have. He did ask me what to post, but that started another fight so we didn’t get very far.And by the way, I am in know way having an affair nor would I ever do that either. And my hubby/OP is fully aware of that. LOL”
To the OP: is the issue what would/could have happened if your mom wasn’t there? And what did happen when you received the lewd (did you consider them so) texts?
No, but I do think some women are over confident at times. If you don’t think men worry about that then you don’t know what it’s like to be a man.
I meant picked up as in the way one picks up ticks walking in the woods.
And we worry even knowing that. No way to stop it. We overreact because of it too when a close call happens. We don’t always show it and when we do it bursts from the bottle like a shaken soda. You can’t let fear run your life but remember you aren’t invincible either. If you could have heard the quiver in her voice that day she called… yes I would have killed stalkerguy but I didn’t tell her. You can’t tell your loved ones that. It’s not her fault there are assholes and I did not mean to imply that. I just told her dad would take care of it. I couldn’t risk her husband finding out because I knew he would react as I did and he has a life to live yet. He is a calm, demure, history teacher but I do not believe men have evolved as far as women think or as far as most women for that matter.
Regardless of how much I trust my wife, I wouldn’t want a man in my house whose primary goal is to have sex with her.
Or 3. Situations can be ambiguous. We’re human, there’s plenty of room for miscommunication and suspicions without someone having an affair or being unreasonably insecure. You’re correct that it has to be worked out right away, though.
Do you assume that is the case with every straight male?
Excluding family and mutual friends, pretty much. Why else would a man want to spend time with my wife?
I sincerely hope my husband doesn’t think so little of me.
That’s a pretty sad way of looking at your wife, and at other men.
I don’t know what that has to do with my wife; I’m referring to any man that my wife meets that wants to spend time with her sans me.
There are millions of years of human evolution that have determined general male behavior and wanting to have sex with an attractive woman, regardless of martial status, is one of them.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not for putting boundaries on anyone, I just think putting your head in the sand about human behavior is, well, ignoring the obvious.
I don’t think she was inappropriate for many reasons.
He was not a stranger, he was an acquaintance. You have moved to a newish place and are both probably interested in making new friends and community connections. She told you about the bad behavior of the guy so it’s not like she’s hiding anything from you. I would hope that the both of you are mature enough to not make blanket rules about who can be your friends based on gender, and without any reason other than gender; that’s is so limiting. This event is a good opportunity for you two to use this as a bonding experience (We are a team! He tried to break our dyad- the fool!). And there is not really any reason to make a big deal about it- he hit on her, she rejected him, done deal.
If you are angry with her, your anger is misplaced and should be directed at the guy who was hitting on you wife. He’s the jerk and it was nice of him to let you know so soon.
Once, when my husband went out of town, my neighbor started calling me and telling me he was going to ‘come over right now’, etc. I told him ‘no’ and told my husband about it when he got back. We laughed about it and considered letting the guy’s wife know, but didn’t- she knew he was a jerk already. We just quit hanging with them because that’s not our style.
Married. 20 years.
OK- if your mom was there the whole time, you husband is being weird.
Holy Moses, but some of the responses being posted are starting to worry me. 
It’s early in the morning and I’m busy here at that whole “work” thing but I’ll come back and explain my gay/lesbian post above. In the meantime, if anyone else got what I was rather clumsily trying to say, I don’t mind a purplehorseshoe-to-English translation post.
Well, I’m a lesbian and I got your ‘gay/lesbian’ comment. If I never had any friends of my preferred sex round, I wouldn’t have hardly any friends. And if I never had a strange man in the house, how would I ever get a broken toilet fixed?!
My GF is a ski racer and an English teacher; I do neither. I’m a potter and a long distance runner; neither of which she does. We each know people that share our interests that don’t really interact with the other person much. My GF and I have interests that exist outside our relationship, and we know people from those areas of interest. The gender of those people hasn’t ever been point of conflict and I’m not sure why it needs to be.
It seems like (and I’m sure that’s not the case) that the only reason you imagine some man wanting to spend time with your wife is to sleep with her. While I acknowledge the possibility I don’t view it as a prime concern. My GF is quite capable of determining if men are creeps and taking care of herself. If I have specific concerns about an individual I would say something about it, but it’s not my default position. My experience has been that most men and women are able to control their evolution based urges.
I think this says a lot more about you than it does your wife or other men. I assume you believe this because you can’t imagine wanting to spend time with a woman without wanting/trying to sleep with her.
Let me give you some perspective. Not all unrelated men and women want to sleep together. Some of us are capable of having relationships that are entirely based on friendship and common interests.
I’m sorry you feel this way but I’m even more sorry that you think your wife’s only value is as a sexual being. I’m willing to bet she’s got a lot more value than that.
Because they are friends, colleagues, share hobbies, etc. Unless she is keeping him a big deep secret or he refuses to ever meet you… who cares if he’s a guy or a girl? And the flip side is true as well-- who cares if one of your friends is a woman?
Indeed, the new information about the wife’s mother being in the house puts a new spin on things. I do not believe the OP’s wife did anything wrong, then. I do, however, wonder if the visitor didn’t know the mother would be there and, thus, his attempt at something else was thwarted, hence the follow-up texts.
You didn’t say that you think men will want to have sex with your wife. You said the only reason men would want to spend time with your wife would be in the hopes of having sex with her. I’ll agree with you that men generally want to have sex with attractive women. That’s something that is largely outside one’s control. But a man can find a woman attractive, and be willing to sleep with her in a hypothetical way without actively scheming to get her in bed. Hell, a man can be attracted to a woman and hypothetically eager to sleep with her but turn down sex that is offered because of marriage vows or other concerns. Wanting is not the same as willing.
The insulting part is that you cannot imagine any other reason to spend time with your wife. Has she no charm, no humor, no insight, no interesting conversation? Saying “I can’t imagine any man spending time with my wife without being attracted to her” would be sweet. Saying “I can’t imagine that they have any motive beyond the sexual, so I assume they’d be actively encouraging a sexual relationship” is insulting.