She will never do a girls night. The boys were going to do a boys night, and the girls were going to do a girls night.
Her philosophy is that she just cannot fathom the concept of wanting to do ANYTHING apart from her husband, other than going to work. Therefore, she cannot fathom the concept that her husband might want to do something without her … even for just one damn evening over some beers with friends.
When we started to plan a boys night out and invited him, apparently, she let her husband know how uncomfortable the concept of a boys night made her. We know he protested heartily to his wife in private because she told us that they had a full blown argument over it. However, she did not relent, and she quashed the whole thing. We did not get a full explanation until later.
Then, one day we brought up a potential boys night out. This is when the obviously frustrated husband told his wife to spill the beans to us. Apparently, their arrangement was that if the wife is going to quash the fun, then she should be the one to explain herself. So she did.
She explained her rationale, above, saying sorry, but that’s just how it goes. The rest of us started to challenge her thought process. The husband, though obviously crestfallen and seemingly embarrassed by the situation, chimed in with something like, “If that’s what she wants, then I will defend her.”
So, he disagrees with her and dislikes the fact he is being left out, though he is not only complying with her wishes, but feels the need to defend her position.
Here’s more about how she is…
When we went to the cabin, we all went for a walk. The women took a turn on a path, and the boys were separated from the girls, so we just decided the boys would do our own thing while waiting for the wives to come back around the trail.
The three of us boys had a great time just hanging out, joking, playing games, throwing rocks into the creek, etc. When we reunited with the wives, we were told how HIS wife was anxious by the fact the group was split up and questioned what the boys were up to, while the other two wives were doing just fine having their own husband-free time for a bit.
Later, we were talking about friendships and this wife basically said she is a “one best friend” kind of gal. In other words, she likes having ONE best friend and makes no real effort to have or maintain any other friends. I wondered to myself why she was even hanging out with us. I guess she has latched onto her husband as her ONE best friend and won’t let go of him, even for one evening. She has no other friendship outlets and apparently doesn’t want them.
Anyway, we all went up to the cabin to just hang out, play games, read, and relax. We all understood that’s what people with stressful work lives do at a cabin, except HER.
We later found out that, without telling us in advance, she had planned a full itinerary of group crafts, a picnic, and activities to fill our time at the cabin. She did not run this perfect plan by anyone else for feedback. She just assumed we would all happily play along with her idea of a good time.
When she came to realize we just wanted to hang out and not do much of anything, she sunk into a funk and made everyone uncomfortable because her whole plan was shot to hell.
She later explained she thinks a vacation should be filled with things to do at all times, and she’s not the kind of person to just hang out. She believes if you are not doing or learning something at all times, then a vacation is just wasted. She was having a hard time coping with the fact that her best laid plans were thwarted by people whose philosophy of a cabin getaway was to break free of schedules and the rat race and pretty much do next to nothing for a couple days. We did some of her activities, and it was fun, so it’s not like she was totally shut down.
Other activities she had planned were just off limits. For example, she said she had planned for us all to go up to Lake Tahoe to gamble until 1 a.m. When we decided to just hang out at the cabin instead, she got her panties in a wad. What she failed to take into account when making her previously undisclosed and supposedly perfect itinerary for everyone else to follow was that the other couple there has a THREE YEAR OLD CHILD, and it’s not like they can or want to just jump up and go to a damn casino until 1 a.m. or leave one spouse at the cabin to babysit while the rest of us go out. She also failed to account for the known fact that my wife is pregnant and going through all day nausea from it, and had no desire to go anywhere.
Her husband said he was fine with with all of us either just hanging out or doing activities. He didn’t care either way, but his wife was having a hard time coping. The problem is that she gets into funks and goes silent and lashes out on her husband, making everyone else uncomfortable, when she’s put out.
She showed us a 5 page itinerary she had typed up for her anniversary trip to San Diego. She said every little weekend getaway is planned out months in advance with a full itinerary, including an hour set aside for something as mundane as “listen to Ipod.”
Anyway, the thing is that she is very moody when she doesn’t get her way. She lashes out at her husband around us and rudely bosses him around. He just takes it.
For example, she told, not asked, but told him to go out to the car to get a journal she wanted to write in. He protested that it was pitch black outside and he would get it in the morning. They went back and forth when she finally said, “You have to go get it now.” Off he went in a huff. When he came back in with the journal, we talked about her journal for a bit, then she said she’s tired and didn’t feel like writing in it that night. We all wanted to smack her on behalf of her husband.
Another time, her husband was sitting on a foot stool instead of in a chair. She told him to move into the chair because his sitting there made her uncomfortable. He said he was fine where he was. She then started to try to nag him into the chair, but he didn’t move. He was getting frustrated, and she then said, “It would be easier on you to just move into the chair.” In other words, if you just do what I say, I’ll get off your back. The other husband there looked him in the eye and told him, “Dude, don’t move.” At that point, the frustrated guy refused to move. It was an uncomfortable scene.
We feel so sorry for her husband. They married very quickly. We don’t think he really knew what he was getting into, and now he probably feels stuck. He’s a great guy and quite funny, but she has earned the nickname, Snatch, among the rest of us.
That gives you an idea of what she’s like.