I was just putting together technical literature on a product my employer is releasing. Two spec categories, one after the other:
Wetted Parts
Vibration Tolerance
Formication, which is of course the sensation of having bugs crawling under the skin, as in detox.
As I recall, Wayne’s World once did a segment on Hockey terms that sounded dirty.
In the crease.
Dump and chase.
Penalty box.
Puck.
“Do Not Hump” on railcars-has nothing to do with sex. Humping in a railyard is pushing cars past a raised portion and allowing them to run down a gentle descent and through various switches to make up train consists. You’re not permitted to hump cars containing hazardous materials owing to the risk of damaging the shell or other portion of the vessel.
We had a shared drive at work that, owing to an unfortunate combination of acronyms and letters added by the computer equipment (and maybe a typo? I forget…) came out as “PSLSHYSYS” which was pronounced “pizzle-shiss,” often to snerks and fake coughs.
It became common for awhile to say things like, “Oh, pizzle-shiss,” when, for instance, the computer malfunctioned.
My mother & aunts & uncles had a phrase that made us do the snerk thing when we were kids, namely, if we caused some kind of bad outcome without meaning to, they would say we really pulled a boner that time. (Now, I snickered, okay, but one of my older cousins had to explain to me why this was funny.)
Sanitary Napkin Rings.
What…? They’re sanitary.
There’s always the bar with a casino built onto the back: Liquor in Front, Poker in the Rear.
Or the butcher whose quality never failed: You might beat my prices, but you can’t beat my meat.
Rowing’s got an lot of “pseudo” dirty words.
The person who steers the boat is called the “cox” (short for coxswain). My brother used to have a T-shirt that read “Duke Heavyweight Crew: Eight big men and their cox”. If your boat doesn’t have a cox, it’s a “coxless” boat (the guys love that).
The person who sets the pace for the boat is called the “stroke” and when he rows you say he “stokes the boat”. At our club, we have a boat named “The Fat Boy”. A friend of mine once sent out an email looking for a sub to “stroke the Fat Boy”. :dubious:
Not really a phrase, but a person’s name. I work at Wal-Mart and one of the manager ladies is named Phyllis Wood.
Phyllis Wood.
Feel his wood.
And my best friend has worked there for a year and never made the connection. Come on! It’s funny!
Finally, my Letterman Top Ten books have finally paid off:
Frosting the pastry.
Shaking hands with Abraham Lincoln.
Windsurfing on Mt. Baldy.
Shooting hoops.
Jumping the turnstile.
Picnic on the grass.
Tethering the Blimp.
Checking your oil.
Sending out for sushi.
Quarter-Pounder at the Golden Arches.
I used to work with a guy who was the king of these phrases. The reason it was so funny was that he was a YEC and had NO idea what he was saying.
A few things that we heard him say on the phone that really stuck out were:
“Yeah, we’ll tag team that”
“…Oh, I’m just sitting here trying to rub one out…”
“I’ll hop on top of that and plow right through it.”
We would be falling out of our chairs laughing day after day with this stuff. It was a very steady stream.
In the '80s I worked on the phones at a LA hospital. A new intern named Peter Phallas came on staff. @@ Needless to say, paging for him called for great restraint!!
(He was a neat guy, tho. He actually came to talk to us lowlifes, and acknowledged that he understood the ramifications of his name in English - and thanked us for dealing with it so well!!)
Just remembered the classic from the movie Porky’s:
“Has anyone seen Mike Hunt?”
It comes in spurts.
A couple of years ago, in our crowded lunch room, a co-worker tried to get something from the vending machine but it got stuck, so she pounded on the front of the machine until the item dropped. As she retrieved her item, she said “It won’t come unless you beat it.”
I nearly strangled myself with laughter. But I was the only one - at first. You ever laugh so hard you don’t even make a sound? That was me. I knew I was making an utter spectacle of myself but I couldn’t help it. Red in the face, tears streaming, gasping for breath, holding my face in my hands, convulsing in my chair. Another co-worker asked, “What’s wrong with you?” After what seemed like forever, I finally managed to blurt “SHE SAID IT WON’T COME UNLESS YOU BEAT IT!”
Everyone in the room promptly joined me in my hysterics.
I work with a Mike Hunt, two Chism brothers and we used to have a Larry Dick.
In Highschool, I was a varsity breaststroker. And I did the Australian Crawl.
Every four years in China, they hold erections.
My first college roommate’s name was Peter Dick.
I knew a guy named Richard Seaman…