Pilot answers: Wisenheimer Edition

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

When I started flying helicopters, one question I’d often get is ‘Isn’t it scary?’ I got to thinking about other questions and smart-ass answers. What wisecracks have you made in answer to a question from a non-pilot, or would make if the opportunity arose?

Q: Isn’t it scary?
A: Not if I do it right!

Q: Is it safe?
A: Oh, yes! (For a given value of ‘safe’.)

Q: What are all of the gauges for?
A: Mostly for show. But don’t tell anyone, or else everyone will want to be a pilot!

Q: What if we crash?
A: What if we dont? :eek:

Now you.

2

Q: How do you know about [that other pilot]?
A: We all know each other.

Q: This plane is very small!
A: There are two of us, and four seats. How big does it need to be?

.

3

If the engine dies how far can we glide.

all the way to the crash site

4

When I took my first flight from Cincinnati to Europe on the corporate jet I noted to the pilot that air miles to Brussels was extremely close to the listed range of the aircraft. He said, “I guarantee we have enough fuel to get to the crash site.”

5

Me, during my very first Piper Cub ride: How fast are we going?

Pilot: About twice the speed of smell!

6

I would worry more about the return flight. Would be head winds instead of tail winds. :cool:

What is the scariest sound for a pilot?
“The Sound of Silence”

Have you ever been in a fatal crash?
“:rolleyes:”

7

Q: What’s this do?

A: It makes me hit you. Hard.

8

Instructor:What would you do if the engine died right now? ( Downwind)

Me: “Let’s find out…” (pulls throttle to idle)

Instructor: “That was a hypothetical question” ( restores throttle to about 50% power)

While this was my first powered training flight, both myself and the instructor held glider ratings and had flown hang gliders together quite a bit. I had set up a high and tight downwind, so dead-stick was quite doable from there.

Later, same flight

Instructor: “Do you know how to spin an airplane?”

Me:“Sure!”

Instructor: "Ok, show me a spin.

(Throttle to idle, gentle climb to bleed off airspeed, kick full rudder and full up elevator as stall breaks)

Instructor:“Nice. Now recover to a northbound heading.”

Me: “You didn’t ask if I knew how to recover from a spin.”

9

You did that on downwind too? :eek:

My glider instructor once did a full 360 on final :eek: He was demonstrating ground effect to me.

10

At my airline it’s a running joke to pretend to answer ATC sarcastically when they want to know a speed or something:

ATC: Boeing 425, say airspeed.

Pilot: Airspeed.

or…

ATC: Boeing 425, say altitude.

Pilot: Altitude.

Maybe on my last day I’ll actually do it.

11

[QUOTE=Llama Llogophile;18063134

ATC: Boeing 425, say altitude.

Pilot: Altitude.
[/QUOTE]

My uncle, a long retired 727 pilot, claims to have done that. He says ATC’s reply was:
“Boeing 425, say cancelling IFR.”

12

Not such a stupid question. It’s still a fatal crash if the pilot survives but someone else dies.

13

Sad, but true… :wink:

I don’t think he was smart nuff to be able to ask it with the intelligence and understanding as you have stated. :dubious:

14

Q. How do you find the island out in the middle of the ocean?
A. It got easier once they anchored it and it stopped moving around.

15

Mind if I use your questions? ----

Q: Isn’t it scary?
A: Yes. Just close your eyes like I do and it gets all better.

Q: Is it safe?
A: The takeoff, landing and flying part are real dangerous, but the rest of the time it’s VERY safe.

Q: What are all of the gauges for?
A: I have no idea! I was hoping you might know.

Q: What if we crash?
A: That’s a given. It’s WHERE we crash that is still a mystery.

16

Three things useless to any pilot:

  1. The runway behind you.
  2. The altitude above you.
  3. The fuel in the gas truck back at the FBO.
17

Which question do pilot’s kids ask?
Are we almost air yet?

18

Not like the others, but I remember well what my flying buddy once said after a flight in his Cessna 172:

“Let’s pause and remember the lives of all the bugs who died so we could make this flight today.”

(He called his aircraft “The Bugsplatter,” as insects caught by the propellor were invariably sent to splat on the windshield.)

19

Yep, the ‘generic GA airplane’ in articles is often called the ‘Bugsmasher 150’, or a variant thereof.

Not a Q&A, but I did this when I was 13. Dad and I were flying from MYF to WJF. He let me fly left-seat. I asked for a heading. [Note: The conversation was shouted, as we didn’t wear headsets in the '70s.]

Dad: Head straight for Dana Point.
Me: Did you say ‘Head straight for Dana Point’?
Dad: Yes!

At this point I pushed the yoke forward.

Dad: What are you doing? :eek:
Me: You said ‘Head straight for Dana Point’! :stuck_out_tongue:
Dad: Why, you…! Head straight over Dana Point!

20

I am reminded of one of my favorite Dilbert strips. Someone asks Dogbert if the flight that they’re on is a smoking or nonsmoking flight, and Dogbert says to him, “It depends on how accurate the anti-aircraft fire is.”