Ordering the Shrimp Platter - Doing something you know full well will be bad news in the future, but you get a mild reward right now.
Sneezing on the window
Sneezing on the window - Any well-intentioned action that backfires and resulting in you doing more work to clean up the resultant mess.
Greasing the hamster’s wheel.
Greasing the hamster’s wheel - Making busywork for your annoying colleagues so that they don’t bother you. (c.f. “Skyhooks”)
Slick and black mangoes.
Slick and black mangoes–Disguising an obvious racist statement by saying it applies to an inanimate object (I just hate those slick and black…mangoes).
Serching the Dope
Serching the Dope: trying to make yourself appear smarter than you really are by citing intellectual sources, but doing so in a way that instantly makes it known that you are out of your league. IE, mis-spelling Serch.
Next up: “Poaching the stapler.”
Poaching the Stapler = Stealing office supplies from co-workers who are on vacation, whom you mistakenly believe are terminated.
Feeling for Frankfurt.
Feeling for Frankfurt = Pretending to care or get upset about something that does not affect you or your life. Or R.O.
“Oh how sad. There was car crash in Frankfurt yesterday and a woman died.”
“Where the hell is Frankfurt?”
Next: Tickling the Bull.
I spent enough time typing this out that I’m keeping it:
Feeling for Frankfurt – Sympathizing with people in a rich country/city/neighborhood who are adversely, but comparatively trivially, affected by a financial/natural/violent disaster in a poorer area. “Originated” when an earthquake in Port-au-Prince caused some people in Germany to bemoan the fact that Frankfurt hoteliers and restaurateurs would be adversely affected by the loss of potential income from the Haitians who had been expected to attend a now-canceled soccer game that had been scheduled between their national side and Deutschland’s in Frankfurt.
I’ll add:
Tickling the Bull – Doing something foolhardy in an attempt to show you “know your way around” a place/situation that you actually have no clue about
Driving the pink Edsel
Driving the pink Edsel–Collecting something that nobody wants at the time, with the hope that in the future it will be extremely rare and valuable.
Dancing at the Palin Party
Dancing at the Palin Party - Outwardly claiming you are doing something for altruistic reasons, while you secretly are there for the schadenfreude.
Pulling Out The Stethoscope
Pulling Out The Stethoscope: Casually edging closer to a conversation on which you wish to eavesdrop.
Up next: Riffing The Biscuit
Riffing the biscuit – referring to an object by a name that it’s not generally known as in that location, ie “I was just at that nice coffee shop in Seattle, I had a wonderful cuppa and some biscuits.”
Twirling the radiator.
Trying to break the ice or to liven things up.
On a one-one way trip to Calcutta
Following a course of action that everyone but the traveller knows is ultimately doomed.
Quashing the cucumber.
Quashing the cucumber: Using phrases that at first glance look like other phrases in order to effect a double-take on even grammatically-savvy people.
ETA: One white board marker too many.
An overly-enthusiastic person, who may have a wonderful idea, but talks you out of it by spouting endlessly.
next: “Wouldn’t wash my socks in it”
“Wouldn’t wash my socks in it” = A very bad situation that you would want no part of.
“Mentoring Munich”
“Mentoring Munich” – Telling someone trapped in a bad relationship that the way for him/her to handle the situation is to give in to any and all of a partner’s demands, especially when said partner has a history of major assholish douchebaggery but nevertheless continually promises that “this time things will be different, I swear.”
Breaking out the Snuggle Bear
“Breaking out the Snuggle Bear” Having stepped outside your comfort zone, and been publically humiliated/embarrassed, you retreat to a secure environment
Usually used by men in it’s negative form i.e. “Well that didn’t work but I ain’t breaking out the Snuggle Bear”
“Playing the actuarial card”
Trying to get away with being a complete douche because you may have a genetic propensity to die young. aka The Matt Roloff Gambit
Drinking the Brine