Awesome. I’m cracking up imagining this!
I actually wrote one called Timmy the Terrorist in which a bullied and abused kid aquires a gun, shoots all the school bullies, and then murders his family. Later he goes to the mideast to train with Abu Nidal, who tries to make him drive the suicide bomb car. (No, it’s never been published.)
But for now I’ll stick with The Bobbsey Twins vs Dr. Mengele.
Children’s Bedtime Stories, by HR Geiger.
Uncle Joe Fritzl and his Cave of Wonders
The Nondescript White Van of Magical Mystery
Chesty, the Flying Chest Freezer
The Gun That Shot Candy
The Giving Tree’s Revenge
And the easy way to convert any children’s book: just add the subtitle An Erotic Thriller.
The Pop-Up Scratch 'n Sniff Big Book of Private Parts
Actually, there are several ways of approaching a book with that title that might work, from the surreal to the serious.
…maybe I’m just strange.
The titles say it all:
Mommy Cries Because Of You
You’re Why Daddy Drinks
You Were An Accident
Knives, Screwdrivers and Other Stuff that Fits in the Outlets
Grampy’s In Hell
It’s Nice to Let the Dog Kiss You
How Things Burn: Your Flickering Friend the Bic Lighter
(not original with me)
The Adventures of Tommy, the Sociopathic Paperboy
"House Toys & Fun"
- "Mr Safety Razor: “Nobody Hugs Me…”
- “G I Joe and the Blender of Change”
- “Hotwheels VCR Parking Garage”
- “Forgotten Toys in the Oven”
- “Why Fluffy Bear Doesn’t Sit on Mr Toaster”
- “A Fly in the Microwave: Science You Can Do!”
- “The Army Man Cherry Vanilla Arctic Battle”
- “Pulling Down the Big Brown Switch in the Big Gray Box: Ha ha ha!”
- “Refrigrator Magnets + Mommy’s Laptop = More Playtime for You!”
- “Can Your Pet Smell Oranges?”
- “Washing Cars with a Cans of Coke”
- “Hide & Seek: Mr BIC Lighter and the BBQ Grill”
- “Staples & Deskchairs: Gotcha!”
- “Daddy’s Leftovers & Cayenne Pepper”
- “Mr Coffee and Dish Detergent: Clean is Better!”
- “Do Water Bottles Microwave?”
- “Mr Wine Rack asks: Which One Drums Best?”
- “Concentration: Can You Remember Which CD goes Where?”
- “Sand Art & Bedsheets”
- “The Plastic Thing in Mommy’s Nightstand: Battle Damage!”
Adventures of Snouty the Cadaver Dog (inspired by the hit TV series).
“Heather Has Six Mommies (and a Daddy)” - original title: “Meet The FLDS”.
Bullying for Dummies
I didn’t come up with it, but there’s Baby Snoots, The Alcoholic Toddler.
“You are Different, and that’s Bad”
Years ago I wrote a children’s book “Satan- Our Misunderstood Friend” I am still looking for an illustrator.
Well known Aussie criminal Mark “Chopper” Read, who was memorably portrayed by Eric Bana in his first lead role in Chopper, may have beaten us to it.
He wrote Hooky the Cripple: The Grim Tale of a Hunchback Who Triumphs. Love the cover.
Baader Meinhof Pop Up Fun! Comes complete with a grenade and instructions on how to throw it at your teacher. If you buy all twelve issues, you get a free kalashnikov so you can shoot the mailman when he delivers the letter saying you haven’t been in school.
Pretty Girls Can Be Anything