Terror Turstritch: The Naked Cassandra!
–based on idea not fully realized in “Supergator”
Three of beautiful young coeds in a Florida park are trying out their outfits for the upcoming Skimpiest Thong Bikini contest when they are attacked by a giant mutated cross between an alligator snapping turtle and an ostrich. The giant armored bipedal beaked monster quickly downs two of the coeds in easy gulps, but the third, coincidentally the most bodacious and the skimpiest thong wearer, shrieks in horror and heads off into the jungle-like scrub around the park. The turstritch, as it is called, follows in hot pursuit. The camera does much switching between the hypnotically jiggling flesh of the retreating coed and the impassive yet bloodthirsty beaked countenance of the turstritch. the girl gets a lead on the monster and encounters some hikers, tries to tell them of their danger form the turstritch, but the hikers take one look at the wildly babbling almost naked girl and tell her to lay off the fancy recreational drugs. She runs off, hearing crashing in the distance, and the hikers are shortly thereafter chompulated by the turstritch.
After chompulating the hikers the turstritch makes up for lost time, especially since the thong-clad coed (more jiggling flesh) has encountered another group and tried to warn them, with identical results (chomp, chomp). In fact this process is what constitutes the bulk of the movie, with the naked Cassandra trying to warn people of the monster, they ignore her, she runs off in terror as it reappears, her breasts in constant danger of spilling out of her bra and her tiny thong overwhelmed by the hypnotic rolling mass of her shiny round buttocks, interspersed with scenes of people being eaten, trampled and torn apart by the turstritch of terror. Classic SyFy cinema, in short.
We add depth and meaning by having the people refuse to believe Cassandra for their reasons: the big game hunter is sure his prowess with his big gun will kill the monster, the scientists are sure their scientific know-how will turn the tide, and the elderly preist tries to persuade the beast to renounce its evil ways, but all share a common fate (chomp chomp).
In the end, just as it looks like the monster will devour naked Cassandra as she runs down main street of a large city with the monster in desperate pursuit, the police and the Army all hepless against it, the monster suddenly clutches its heart and falls over, dead. The shock of dragging the huge bulk of its monstrous body and armored shell as proven too much for it! We hear a Scientist intone that the monster has died of a truly massive coronary, having a truly massive heart.
But no, responds Cassandra’s boyfriend who has encouraged her all the way, the only one to keep faith with her by talking to her on her cellphone and actually encourages her to run faster by riding a motorcycle in front of her with a banana dangling from an upraised pole sticking out from behind the motorcycle, “No,” he said, patting her thong-clad butt as the monster lies at her feet, “Twas beauty killed the beast!”
Yah, I think that might gross a few mil.