You’re about to join families and a one-on-one finger wagging may not be enough. This sounds like time for a full-family intervention. Are her parents still alive? Family needs to know that she has a pretty big problem and a history… that it’s a LOT more than just “he said, she said”. Yes, gather them all together in one room beforehand (except the thief) and show them the tape. When the thief gets there, it will put everyone on the same page.
If charges proceed, everyone is going to find out anyway.
PS- If this idea gets any pushback from anyone in the new family, you could be looking at an accomplice. If it get’s any pushback from your fiancée, call off the wedding and end it because wow you dodged a bullet. Nobody gets a divorce for $2,500.
Why did you suspect a sister/visitor at all? My first thought in a case like that would be that someone stole my identity and duped my card, not that someone in my household did it. Then I’d suspect someone I’d handed the card to at a restaurant or something. Then on-line vendors. Then co-workers. I don’t think I’d suspect a close family member pretty much ever, unless they had some sort of history of dishonesty. It seems very strange to me that you immediately suspected her and that you were confident she’d be on the footage, unless there is a history.
I discovered it looking at my banking app, and saw it was an ATM withdrawal. I started with my fiancée, to see if it was something that she did and neglected to tell me. From there, I expanded my search from the inside out. Closest proximity to me. I remembered that they had been together the day that the transactions took place.
First off his suspicion proved right, so you have that. Second his card was not missing, but was back in his wallet which points to an insider job. Can’t scam an ATM without the physical card.
I check all of my banking and card apps at least every other day myself, so Dudes behavior is not unusual to me.
Mine uses a chip, has for several years now. I haven’t had a non-chip card in a couple of years now. All of my cards have been changed over to chip cards by choice of the provider. They just showed up in the mail.
You win the scorched-earthers prize for this thread. You’ve managed to go from other posters jumping to ‘send her to jail’ all the way to ‘blame the rest of the family and break up with your fiancee while you’re at it’. Jeez people, how about talk to the woman first? No one has any idea what’s going on - it sounds like the act of a woman in deep trouble, something her family are probably best placed to help her with.
I have yet to see (In the US) a card with a chip that does not also have a magnetic stripe. And I’m pretty sure my bank’s ATM is still reading the stripe, not the chip. Gas pumps also seem to be using the stripe.
I’ve run the strip before and the machine tells me to use the chip. The gas pumps I have been using tell me not to swipe the strip but to leave the card in to read the chip.
But this is a hijack of the thread since to OP stated in his initial post that he had photos of her using the card. So chip or strip is not a factor here.
I think all communication with FSIL should be with another party present. In advance of conversation/confrontation (depending on how you see it) you may want to write down what you are hoping for and what you are willing to say or do. In the moment, things can go sideways real fast if her reaction is not inline with your expectations.
Anyways, just a thought so that you can control the outcome better and you don’t say or do anything you’d regret later.
Just curious - is there a reason FSIL hasn’t been asked about this yet?
I agree with others, a LOT will depend on how fiance and rest of her family react to this. There’d better be a DAMNED good explanation to not press charges. And even WITH a damned good explanation, all involved should acknowledge that FSIL should be on a lengthy period of family probation/rehab/intervention.
I suspect it would be quite a while before FSIL would be allowed to enter my home.
So very many years ago, I dated a social worker. I vividly remember her telling me that some of her clients were women who had been molested, as children, by a brother.
Years later, the women were in counseling … with their brothers … who had not only owned their evil deeds but were dedicating considerable time and effort to acts of contrition – participating in therapy and healing with their ‘wounded’ sisters.
You’re in a tough spot. So’s your fiancé, obviously.
But it would be hard for me not to discuss this with my fiancé, and ask her help in confronting the FSIL.
And … similar to the ‘guilty’ brothers in my little story … I’d want to see how the FSIL (and the rest of the family) reacted before I decided how I might want to proceed.
Ownership and contrition would, IMHO, be the bare minimum that I’d need to see from the FSIL. Without those things … I’d struggle mightily to ever trust her again.
IMHO, the OP and his fiancee should confront FSIL together. Fiancee is the one who’s in the middle, and she’s the one most directly betrayed by FSIL: when your future in-law does something like this to you, it’s a problem. But when your own sibling does, that’s a whole 'nother story.
OP and fiancee obviously need to be on the same page with each other going into the conversation.
I’m just a big ole meanie who doesn’t understand ‘true love’.
An intervention is a good idea. If her family is that tight, it’s a great idea… but they won’t believe you w/o evidence. If they call “BS” he has the tape. Also, they’ll make sure he gets the money back. ( $2500 is a lot of money in my book. It’s not sitting in my back pocket.) You can’t go at her one on one; afterward it’ll be , “Daddy, he gave me this money to do trampoline tricks with him on his bed! Hand me a dolly and I’ll point to where…”
This was a precision heist; you don’t just wake up one day fully able to grift an ATM password at a glance and then do the wallet pick/withdrawal/return shuffle. Also, this was what, three pulls? Four? That’s not a one time thing; that’s a regular paycheck.
Go through the family and do this as a family. Not every family out there is high quality; I hope this one is.
Marriage = trust. If you can’t trust 100%… don’t do it.
Two reasons why I haven’t confronted her yet. The first is that, as much as fiancée wants to stay out of this (to her credit, she’s said that she stands behind whatever I decide to do), I’m going to need her to set the meeting up, and I want her there as both support and a witness in case things go wrong. And, again, I work nights, and I want to do this on a day when I don’t have to worry about keeping an eye on the clock because I’m not working that night.
The second reason is that I just saw the footage two days ago. I wanted to make sure that I have indisputable evidence before I started this ball rolling.
If your finance is worthy of being promoted to “wife”, then she should be entirely on your side in this affair … … … ENTIRELY. If she’s not, you can probably expect this kind of in-law crap for the rest of your days.
Cool - just realize that this is a MAJOR transgression. Kinda like extraordinary claims requiring extraordinary evidence, this kinda shit doesn’t just get waved away w/ a mumbled “sorry” and promise to not do it again. Doesn’t mean you hafta go all midieval on her ass, but I’ve heard enough horror stories about family being willing to tolerate (and enable) horrible transgressions, saying, “Oh, that’s just how they are.” “Don’t make a big deal out of it.” Etc.
Great that fiance SAYS she backs you. Not suggesting you doubt her or anything, but just make sure she walks the walk. If you marry, YOU have to come first to each other, over family.