Before I begin I want to say this is really really awkward for me. This is the first time I have posted on a message board but I have read the Dope for two years now. I’m a liberal and this is a place where my liberal views are debated, agreed upon, and even debunked (just kidding).
Anyway that was an introduction but now I want to cut to the chase. I’m eighteen and I just got out of high school and I’m ready to start community college in the fall (while juggling a part time job at a bagel shop which I should probably quit soon). Now this is the worst part, there’s this girl I knew who I was friends with. Well, we only chilled in school, I was new to the school because I got in a lot of trouble at my old school and was kicked out (long story).
She was really cool and funny as hell. Now, I hang out with girls a lot because my friends always have enough alcohol to lure them to one of their houses but this girl tops them all. At first I was quiet as hell when I went there because I was afraid I would get in trouble again but she brought me out of my shell. I used to sit at her lunch table and this would be a typical day.
She would ask me if I got any pussy last night and I would tell her I get all the pussy and then I would go over all the sickest sexual things you could do to a girl and she would laugh. I dissed her too by saying she was a slut and then she would call me a virgin (which I’am but I did have a girlfriend for two months, never got passed second base though).
Anyway I’ll elaborate more later (we did a lot of other cool stuff but my brain is shot to hell right now) if asked but the thing is she asked me if I wanted to chill with her a couple times but I had to save face in front of the guys so I changed the subject because I didn’t want anyone to know I liked her. But I find myself thinking about her like at least twice every day (and the girls I chill with are pretty much boring bimbos and the other girls are so hot it would be like The Question asking out Wonder Woman). So I was thinking maybe I should try to ask her mutual friends (we chill with the same people outside school sometimes but at different times) if she wanted to chill with me still, if she doesn’t no big deal I’ll finally be able to forget about her and get with another girl. Maybe she’ll forget I was a fucking dumbass but I don’t want the guys thinking I’m a loser or anything and I don’t want her thinking I’m a loser either.
This is in the Pit because I want the you guys to be honest with me and not to sugar coat anything. What do you think because I need some advice right now and I’m kind of an emotional wreck (other things going on with friends and that shit) so maybe trying to chill with this girl is a bad idea. I just hope no one recognizes who I really am or my rep is fucking flushed down the toilet.
Anyway thanks for reading, sorry for the long post.
Props for not wanting sugar-coated answers, but since you’re already ‘kind of an emotional wreck’ already, the Pit is not for place you want. The Pit is for flaming, ranting and generally venting off steam. It’s not the place for relationship advice.
I’ll move this over to MPSIMS for you. You’ll still get honest answers.
Hey thanks, TVeblen. Now that you mention it it does seem more like MPSIMS since I didn’t give myself that big of a beating that I previously intended too.
Um, huh. Say again why you can’t just call this girl up and say “Hey, how 'bout a movie?”
Your rep will be ruined? Whatever man- just gather up your balls and ask her out. You’re a grown up now- none of this “ask her friends” BS. Life’s short. Just freaking do it.
You realize that by explicitly asking people not to sugar-coat things you are inviting abuse? Well, invitation accepted! The part I quoted is, frankly, weak-ass middle-school shit. If you would lose face with your friends for liking a girl, then your friends are crap. If you are actually worried about losing face with other people for liking a girl, then you, well…I guess I have to exercise some restraint, since this has been moved from the Pit. But basically, I second BoBettie–apply some MiracleGro to your groin and pick up the phone.
If you can’t get over your “rep” and attitude, you don’t deserve a cool girl. If you want to act in an idiotic way to attract bimbos, then you’ll wind up with bimbos, and the cool girls deserve better.
If you feel bad that you were a jerk to her when you were trying to “save face,” then the thing to do about that is APOLOGIZE to HER. Not get around it by asking her friends. You know you acted like a dumbass, so now you need to do the mature thing and apologize. If you show some maturity and sincerity, I bet she’ll forgive you and quite possibly accept your invitation.
If the above (and the flood of advice which is sure to come your way) doesn’t sound palatable to you, then I think you still have some growing up to do before you’re ready to date a girl you’re really interested in as a person. If you aren’t ready to treat her right, then just leave her alone. You care about her as a friend, right? So if you are going to continue caring about your “rep” more than about her, just don’t start anything at all.
You sound more like 12 than 18 (I have an 18 year old daughter, I know)
Your supposed rep is all in your head. No one really gives a shit who you like or don’t like. Really, no one, unless they have absolutely no life of their own.
If you like this girl and you want to spend time with her then you have to tell her that and ask to spend time with her. Asking the friends is something you should have left behind in middle school.
I second what Miss Violaceous said. All of it.
Communication is the most important part of any relationship. This is not rocket science. Talk to her. Be honest. Apologize when necessary. That is all.
Anyway, in answer to the OP - grow a pair and ask her. I’ve got a bigger pair than you and I’m female - I’ve asked guys out whom I liked. You’re eighteen, for Og’s sakes. How are you going to get through college?
DarkSideoftheFloyd and Anaamika: If you suspect a poster is a sock, either e-mail a staff member directly or report a post within in the thread. What you shouldn’t do is take it upon yourself to make your suspicions known. Don’t do it again, please.
Not just two posts above yours I told folks to stop this oh-so-witty type of accusation, yet you went ahead and added another post in that same style. Do not do it again, inkleberry.
You have a real problem, man. Usually when a girl listens to this kind of talk and talks it back to you, she wants to, uh, actually have sex with you.
You ain’t up for that yet, I can tell by your post. Better run for the hills and stay away from her for a couple of years. Holler back at her when you’ve developed to the point that you’re mentally, oh, 13 or 14.
Hmm, didn’t John Hughes make a movie or six about this very scenario?
No, seriously. Let’s back the horse up a bit, 'kay? Maybe it’s 'cause I’m an ancient 38-year-old and thus am not down with the dynamics of the modern teen scene, but I’m not getting what you had to “save face” about in the first place. Since when is going out (whoops, sorry, I mean ‘chilling’) with someone a bad thing? Why would your friends look down on you for just talking with this girl?
Try to remember that Danny nearly lost Sandy because of that unwritten agreement between the T-Birds and Pink Ladies. Don’t follow his lead!
Thanks for the advice and yes I wanted it to be harsh because quite frankly what I acted like was really stupid. I should have clarified some stuff in my OP yes I was kind of nervous about the guys but that was because she’s kind of slutty and she’s been with a lot of guys that I was friends with and I didn’t want to get my ass kicked. I would rather do it in private or at least not in that environment. I was good friends with those guys too we would fool around a lot and I still value them as friends and I didn’t want to lose them either. School is over now so like some of you guys said I’m not worried about that anymore. The reason I don’t have her number is because she never gave it to me I think she wanted me to give her my number because she thought I would leave a lot of vulgar messages on her cell phone.
Like I said we made fun of each other a lot. I grabbed her tits, she called me gay because I was close to my friends, etc. So that’s why she probably wanted my number. She told me where she worked so I was thinking maybe I could drop by and ask her if she wanted to hang out sometime (doesn’t have to be a date like I said she would be cool even without added benefits). I wouldn’t fool around at her job of course but, I don’t know, I wouldn’t hesitate in going over to a guy’s job I wanted to chill with but girls are kind of different. I don’t want to be creepy because I haven’t seen her in a month.
What do you guys think and really thanks again. I plan on listening to the advice because hell I can’t tell my friends (not even my frends who ARE girls) so this is my last place to turn.
