Planning A Trip To Europe For Vacation-but Also To Meet A Woman

So I am planning on going to Europe some time in Spring or Summer 2017, less than a year from now. I have an idea of visiting several cities in several countries. I know one of the cities will be Geneva, Switzerland. The others could be in countries bordering Switzerland, say France, Germany and Italy., just have not decided yet. The whole trip ideally would be two weeks. I live in Los Angeles.

Now I am not here to ask for travel advice on which cities Dopers would recommend me to visit, which hotels to stay in, what landmarks and sites to check out. So why is Geneva for sure on my itinerary? Well its because there is this young woman who lives there whom I am very interested in seeing. And this where I need your advice and general views.

This young woman has been living in Geneva for seven years, she was born in Switzerland, but lived in Iran from her pre-teen to early twenties, until going back to Geneva. She is my first cousin once removed, she is my cousin’s daughter. Her grandfather is my uncle-my mom’s brother. So we are related. Back in 2009 while I was still living at home, she and mom came over to Los Angeles for a visit and stayed for a month.

Trouble is I found her attractive and never saw her as a relative, she is not that close of a cousin. She and I have not not had much contact except once in a blue moon on social media. I have not pined over her, I live my life. However if I get the opportunity to see her, I will use it. So I am not some obsessed creep who has been thinking of her since her visit in 2009. But me going to Europe, to Geneva is an opportunity.

My idea is a month before my travel I will send her message and tell her I will be Geneva for a few days, and if it would be possible if we could meet at cafe or some public place. If things go well, she can show me around the city and do some fun stuff together. I will probably make a move on her, after gauging if she has a boyfriend, and her reaction to me giving her a kiss. I know there is no relationship potential, I live in L.A, she in Geneva. More like a vacation fling.

There are some obstacles:

She is my distant cousin
She would be surprised by my feelings to her, whether pleasantly or a repulsed manner
I have no idea if she has a boyfriend, I know she is not married and has no kids

These are risks I am willing to take, life is short and I have learned better to take risks than to wonder “what if?” If it means anything we are both 29, will be 30 next year.

I have to clarify before wrapping this up, I am not going to Europe and all this trouble just to hit on her, that would be pathetic to the ninth degree. It’s just that it’s a side thing to go with the vacation.

So is this a good idea, or will it seem creepy? Putting aside my feelings for her, reaching out to a relative when visiting their city is not weird at all.

Thanks in advance, any positive or negative feedback is welcome.

No, this is all perfectly normal behaviour.

Fucking hell.

I’m slightly confused here. You want to see Yurp or just go Appalachian on your distant cousin?

Eh, read it again, you’d like to go two for one.


I don’t consider a first cousin once removed a distant cousin at all. Some of my closest family members are my cousins kids.

You have an obsession. Obsessions in general are not good. This one in particular is doubly not good.

What you want to happen and what will happen are poles apart.

You fight obsessions, you do not feed them.

You are correct, that would not be weird at all.

But that is not the case here.

So, weird. And creepy.

I don’t think this is going to have the outcome you are hoping for.

With all due respect sounds creepy to me

I don’t mean to offend, but your post makes you sound exactly like “some obsessed creep who has been thinking of her since her visit in 2009.”

I vote creepy, and I bet she will too.

She is and always will be family. You make a move on her, she talks to any other relatives, they talk amongst each other, and you’re a pariah forever.

My issue with this whole thing is not that you’re vaguely related. It’s the above. You have a detailed, elaborate plan about how you’re going to make a move on this woman, who it sounds like you barely know, in a year’s time.

That’s well on the creepy side of the scale.

In addition to what everyone else has posted, there’s the part about not worrying about an LD relationship because it will be just a fling. :eek: It’s really creepy seeing you post your plan to entrap this woman just to screw her.

Wow. I hope for her sake she has a boyfriend or has moved, or *anything *else.

Thanks to you and everyone else who has replied. I actually desire a long term relationship with her, but geography is a pain the ass. I do have genuine feelings for her.

Also my plan is not to have sex with her, just make out and innocent stuff. As long as I spend time with her, I guess I am okay with it.

I should have elaborated more in my OP, but it was already long.

As for moving, I don’t even know her address and my idea is to meet up with her in public and do things in the outdoors.

You are aware that there’s another actual real human being involved in this, right? One that you admit that you have only had “once in a blue moon” social media contact with over the past 7 years?

One doesn’t have “genuine feelings” for someone one does not functionally know. What you may feel has nothing to do with this person, and everything to do with the fantasy person you’ve created in your head that shares her name.

The real person here is probably not going to be amused to be cast as a prop in the little screenplay you’ve written. She almost certainly would prefer to be left out of it.

I have to agree with this. You may notreally think of her as family, but it’s quite possible she doesn’t agree with that assessment. And yeah, dude, it is creepy.

What makes you think she’s going to fall for you? She only knows you as a distant relative in both blood and distance, and you haven’t talked in 7 years. Has this approach ever worked for you with other women?

by the way, if she calls you “oncle pervers,” it means “Uncle Perv.”

She does not, plus I’m not her uncle.:smack:

There is no guarantee, look I’m trying to hang out with her mostly. Not make her fall in love.

I have kissed her when she was here in states and she surprisingly was receptive.

I have never done long distance with a woman, just not worth it.