This story came from a coworker of mine. And quite frankly, to here her tell it, cracks me the hell up. We’ll call my coworker ‘Jane’ and the guy in question ‘John’.
Over the weekend Jane and John went to a house party. While there, they both got way too hammered to drive. So they decided to sleep it off at the Host’s house. A lot of other party goers were too tipsy to drive as well, so sleeping space was limited.
They found a bed that they could share together. Being the close NON-romantic friends they are, they figured: No harm in a little spooning.
Well, the guy managed to get himself a boner. She eventually felt it and freaks the fuck out. Now she’s all pissy with her friend.
My opinion on all this is that she’s being nothing less than crazy. I told her as much. Guys can’t always help that shit. Especially 20-something year olds.
Her argument is that he is supposed to be her friend and respect that they are not like that. And that if he felt himself getting a boner he should have got out of the bed and slept somewhere else.
I’m posting this as I am curious if there is a gender divide on this issue.
I think that he should have been the little spoon. I’ve often requested being the little spoon when I didn’t think I could promise jabba wouldn’t leave his hutt.
He was that hammered and was still poking her with his boner? Yeah, methinks he played up the drunkenness as an excuse to cop a feel. In any case, if I were the chick in this situation, I’d just scootch away from his boner and then pass out. Oh, and I wouldn’t have been spooning with him in the first place since we’re just friends (I mean, I don’t spoon with my chick friends), but had I, yeah, commence Operation Boner Avoidance, then go to sleep.
My understanding is that nighttime boners are mostly a function of hydraulics, not sexuality. I think “Jane” is being a little unreasonable. She’s essentially saying, “I don’t mind feeling your penis, so long as it’s flaccid”?
Frankly, any time I’ve been in situation with an non-romantic friend where a boner might be felt, it was expected.
Was he grinding it into her back, because if so, he’s in the wrong. If he just got a boner, while drunk, spooned up with a woman he likes even if its not ‘that way’, assuming he wasn’t obnoxious with it she needs to get over herself.
I don’t see a problem with platonic friends sharing a bed. Once you start spooning, you’ve crossed a line anyway. On that side of the line, you may encounter boners. He could have simply stopped the spooning and rolled over. Perhaps he was wondering what Jane’s reaction would be. Perhaps he was sound asleep.
Maybe I’m showing my age, but ‘platonic’ friends don’t spoon. Even before I got married I would have been very hesitant to even share a bed with a platonic friend of the opposite sex, let alone spooning.
Surely it isn’t just me that thinks spooning is a very intimate position.
Meh. I’m old. I’ve spooned with platonic friends. I don’t recall if penis ensued but if it did, I would write it off as a function of friction and boob proximity (as opposed to lust) and get over it.
I’m glad I’m not the only person feeling like spooning is totally not platonic territory.
My group of college friends was all sorts of touchy-feely - we had week-end parties two or three times a month that ended in “puppy piles” where we all just collapsed around each other on whatever soft thing we could find that held most of us - but couple spooning? As friends? That’s… a little weird.
I suppose if John is a touchy cuddly drunk, then I can see it happening in that drunken sleepy phase, but then John needs to be the little spoon so unintended pokage doesn’t happen.
I think if I were Jane, I’d tease him about it, because it would be really unfair to expect me not to, but I wouldn’t take it like he wanted to be not-platonic any more. I’ve heard enough stories from my brothers and male friends about boners springing up in calculus class for no damn reason to really pay a single drunken woodie like it was anything important.
When, I was in my 20’s, I’ve slept with platonic females friends. There was some cuddling or touching of some sort involved. But this is something I grew out of pretty quickly. I always figured that was rather common for most young adults.
Silly. As noted it’s not like he can control it. secondly you’re both loaded and touching each other - it’s gonna happen.
If he did something inappropriate like feel her up she’s got a legitimate gripe, but a 1/2 passed out guy gets a boner when you lay down with him and back up into him and you’re shocked and upset? I can understand being uncomfortable with the situation but I don’t see getting pissed at the guy.
I realize different people draw their intimacy boundaries differently, but for me there’s a pretty bright line on what’s acceptable in a platonic relationship: if I wouldn’t do it with my own sister—or better yet, my brother—it ain’t platonic. So no spooning, no cuddling, no tongue-wrestling, and to address Vincent’s long-unanswered question, no way in *hell *would I give another guy a motherfuckin’ foot massage.
If I spooned with a “platonic” female friend it’d be because I wanted to fuck her, and I’m confident this is true of the vast majority of heterosexual men.
First of all, they both put themselves in a quasi-sexual position, and should have known better.
That being said, does this woman understand that boners often happen on an unconscious level, and the guy had no control of it. The only thing that was intentional was the fact that he didn’t act on it. She’s acting all pissy about it . . . and they’re supposed to be FRIENDS?
To the guy: Next time you need to spoon, find a more mature partner.