At our recent (non-music related) company Christmas party, we had to sing carols. By “had” to, I mean that there were printed carol books handed out, and most of the management team (of which I am a part) pretty much bullied everyone into joining in. The thing is, this isn’t the first time this has happened to me, by a long shot. I have been pushed into joining sing-songs at campfires, parties, workshops, etc, and it’s an absolute mystery to me.
I absolutely detest singing. I’m terrible at it, I feel self-conscious, I don’t like how it sounds, and there is just plain nothing I like about it. It’s not that I’m shy – I am actually very outgoing and do presentations, lectures, and training as a part of my job. It’s not that I hate music – I actually majored in music at university. It’s just that I don’t like singing!
I know I’m not alone - I know tons of people both with great and terrible singing voices who do not enjoy joining in group sings. Why can’t the singing lovers (who also are both good and bad singers) leave us be? If an activity that genuinely makes some people uncomfortable simply must be done at a group gathering that is supposed to be pleasant for everyone, why can’t the response “No thank you, I don’t enjoy singing, but I’d love to listen!” be acceptable?
Seriously, if you do this (insist that people sing who don’t want to), would you please tell me why?
That’s the strategy I use. I even mouth the words to “Happy Birthday” at family parties. Trust me, nobody wants to hear what would come out if I didn’t.
Because there are three kinds of people in this world:
A. Those who will sing without being asked. They’re narcissistic assholes.
B. Those who would like to sing, but are afraid of being narcissistic assholes. So they want to you talk them into it, to convince themselves they’re aren’t narcissistic assholes and you really do want them to give them attention for 5 minutes. (This is where I fall.)
C. Those who don’t want to sing and don’t want to be talked into it. It’s really hard to distinguish these from group B, and often crowds become jerks themselves if they don’t get a good read on a person.
I’ll WAG that some (not all) of the people who force others to sing are the same people who will also gladly make fools of themselves, but only if other people are willing to be foolish with them. You know the type. “You need someone to walk around in public acting like a chicken until security shows up? Okay! I totally volunteer. Dave, you have to come with me.” They want to do something that could socially backfire, but only if they don’t have to risk the awkwardness alone.
And generally, forced group sing-a-longs piss me off.
Your company Christmas party handed out carol books?
There was carol-singing at your company Christmas party?
This is quite possibly the most horrific thing I’ve ever heard.
:eek:
And I thought the ones where people gave speeches were awful.
Company Christmas parties are known for taking the “party” out of just about anything, but that takes the cake.
Re: making people sing, I think it’s rude and silly. Esp. grown adults. Little kids…eh, they’re used to not having their feelings taken into consideration, and anyway who didn’t have to sing in groups as a kid…but by the time you’re old enough to have a job you should be able to avoid ever singing in public. Geez.
I love to sing, and I usually harmonize rather than taking the melody, and I’ve been told that I’m good, by both regular folks and professional musicians.
But I go to a lot of folk-music concerts, and I hate hate hate being TOLD that the next one will be a sing-along, especially when it involves a complicated chorus and/or melody that has to be TAUGHT to the audience. Trying to sing along with a mess like that invariably involves screwing up the words or the melody, which is no fun. I’ll gladly sing along to something I know, but don’t give me the evil eye if I choose just to listen to your lame sing-along.
That goes TRIPLE for lame hand-clapping, especially under orders. In my eyes, that’s for people with no musical ability who feel like they want to participate. They can knock themselves out, with my blessing; just don’t make me do it. I find it incredibly boring.
Being MADE to sing Christmas carols at a company function? Ick. Just another reason I’m glad I don’t have an employer.
Yeah, that’s pretty much what I do. I just think it’s silly that I have to.
And during a couple of the songs, they decided each table would have its own verse, resulting in several of the tables (of about 4) mumbling pathetically and garnering glares of WHY-DON’T-YOU-HAVE-SPIRIT-YOU-BAD-ATTITUDED-CHRISTMAS-HATERS from the sing-loud-n-clear gang.
It’s still better, however, to the Christmas lunch at my old job where your name was manditorily entered into a draw as you entered, and if you were drawn you had to stand up, alone, and sing Christmas karaoke to get some tacky prize. I still have nightmares about that. The food was really good, though.
I used to let myself get bullied into joining in on the singing, but I’m old enough now and my orneriness is well enough known that I can just sit there with my mouth shut, tapping my foot, and nobody says a thing.
I look at it the same way I look at praying. I understand that others like to do it and I’ll not interfere with or ridicule their prayers, but I’m damned (hee) if I’ll bow my head and join in.
Sometimes I think the general assumption is that people certainly won’t want to sing, and that by forcing them to do so it creates some sort of “bonding” through shared humiliation. Or the humiliation is for the entertainment of the audience.
I saw this backfire nicely once. I was working a holiday help in a local department store (similar to Macy’s). For the entertainment of the Christmas shoppers (Because really, don’t we all want to be entertained while we’re trying to go about our shopping? No? I didn’t think so.) they installed a DJ next to the handbags and accessories counter. The handbags and accessories counter I was manning. (I really shouldn’t complain. He introduced me to Loreena McKennitt.)
To get the shoppers engaged in the entertainment the DJ was inviting people to come up and sing Christmas carols into a microphone. Those that did would receive a small prize. Most of the volunteers were small children. All the adults scuttled by, hoping they wouldn’t be picked to sing and have to argue with the DJ, or worse, sing. The DJ stopped a gentleman walking past.
“Sir! Escuse me, sir? Would you be willing to sing a song for us? I’ll give you this [cd/gift certificate/some such reward that I can’t remember] if you’ll sing for us.”
The man was taken aback at the request and only slightly reluctantly took the microphone.
“I can sing anything?”
“Oh sure, whichever holiday song you’d like.”
“Um… okay.”
The man began to sing “O Holy Night” in the most stunning baritone voice. It rang throughout the store. All shoppers, who had been trying to ignore the DJ stopped in their tracks and listened. The was a round of applause at the end. The DJ handed over the prize.
“Thank you very much, sir!” said the DJ, who recovered his composure, “That was really impressive!”
“It was no problem. I sing for the Civic Light Opera.”
I really resent WhyNot’s categories of people, because there isn’t one there that I believe I fit into. Unfortunately, I can’t defend myself further without proving the “narcissistic” bit, if not the “asshole” bit.
(Seriously, I enjoy singing, am decent though not stellar at it, don’t need my arm twisted to participate–although I don’t usually burst into song for no reason, and generally don’t mind in the context of sing-a-longs if someone prefers to be an audience member rather than a singer.)
Sometimes I have to sing at a company function. [Oh, I work at a church.]
Last night I was a big concert in a big concert hall and the last part was a singalong of three carols. You couldn’t very well sing harmony because of the big and fancy accompaniments. And the carols were set way too high. So I just sat there. Everyone in the place was singing Silent Night (some in harmony that didn’t fit with the performance on the stage) and I was silent because, well, I don’t really like to sing either. Especially when the song is pitched way high. All of us are not coloratura sopranos or little tiny children with high little voices.
The people who plan the OP’s party must like to sing karaoke on Thursday night at Martini’s Bar. Yuck.
Okay, okay, I suppose there is one more category, and that’s the Perfectly Well-Adjusted Decent Singer, who is willing to sing a moderate amount in appropriate situations without being prodded and doesn’t cause everyone else’s eyes to roll back into their skulls because they won’t. shut. the. fuck. up.
Fair enough–my original complaint was a little tongue in cheek-- but I do think life would be easier for those who truly hate singing if there were fewer people who enjoy sing-a-longs but require their arms to be twisted to participate.
(Why, why, why am I unable to respond to a post responding to mine without writing an essay?)
I sing badly. My voice isn’t good for it, and I have something of a tin ear for music, and my breathing isn’t singer-quality either. I have no training.
I know that I sing badly. I make jokes about it. That’s fine.
OTHER people also make comments about how badly I sing, often right after I have. THAT’S embarrassing and unnecessary.
