Please, help me deal with my girlfriend's boobs!

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

OK. Half of you are probably gonna laugh at me and wonder why I’m bitching, and the other half are probably going to think I’m a no-good chauvinistic bastard. Hopefully, someone out there will at least relate to my dilemma, if not provide some of the sage and friendly advice I see everyone else getting here. So, here it goes.

I met my current GF in February, after a two-year dry spell (well, emotionally dry, not physically!) which followed a nasty and irreparable breakup with the girl of my dreams. We’ve been together exclusively for five months and are very much in love. We have few problems and argue very little. We’ve both reached the point in our lived where we value peace and companionship more than winning arguments. She’s perfect for me. We fit well. There’s only one problem…she has fake boobs.

I’m one of those genetically mutated guys who actually doesn’t like big boobs. I’ve just always preferred a modestly-sized, natural chest. Even if they’re really small, I don’t care, I like them just fine. I’m not the least bit turned on by big hefty boobs as big as my head. Does nothing for me.

I swear, the night I met her (on the dance floor in a club) she was dressed very sexily, but she had on this lacy overshirt that kind of downplayed the cleavage. I hardly noticed them, except to note that as fas as I could tell, they were average size, which was perfect! I even embarassed the shit out of myself (I found out about two weeks later) because I made a comment while we were talking about one of the bartenders I know, 'cause she’s totally plastic and has big 'ol silicone jugs. Little did I know at that time, so does she.

To be fair, hers are only 36C, but she has a really small frame. The things that bother me are:

  1. They don’t feel real AT ALL. They feel like big plastic bags (duh). Her’s are Saline, btw.

  2. The scars. She says she lost a lot of weight after the operation. Supposedly they used to be tucked under, but since I’ve known her they’re right across the bottom portion of her boobs.

  3. The fact that her ex-bf “forbid” her to get them and supposedly that was the main reason she broke up with him and did it, to prove he couldn’t control her. He really hammered on her and gave her a major case of low self-esteem, which I try every day to build back up.

  4. Her best friend has the same size implants, and they’re CONSTANTLY talking about them, it’s like working in a plastic surgeon’s office!

  5. I’m a pagan, and the thought of altering something as natural as the size of a body part in this way is just abhorrent to me. It’s (in my opinion) an abomination to cut yourself up like that.

    I guess the real heart of it tho, is that I’m a jealous guy. These implants make her REALLY attractive to other guys. I mean, the girl REALLY fills out a tank top, and hates to wear bras. When we go to the club, I spend a lot of time fending off potential suitors. To all the guys on the street, she looks great.
    The problem is, I’m the guy who gets to see them and feel them, and my view is spoiled by scars, and feeling them is no great pleasure. I feel like she traded my special time with her for making everyone else think she’s a hottie.
    I wish so bad that I could have met her just 6 months earlier, and then I could have told her she doesn’t need these things to be beautiful. What sucks is, there’s no fixing it. Even if she had them removed, which she wouldn’t, that would only make the scars and everything else worse.
    At this point, we have a (shaky) agreement not to talk about them. She almost always breaks it by talking about them, and then it gets to me and I say something about them, and the other day it went so far that she ended up crying. I don’t know how to feel. It’s kinda hard to pretend that someone’s boobs feel good when they don’t , but if I don’t, then it becomes obvious that I’m ignoring them in bed. I’m damned either way.
    Anybody have a similar experience? Advice?

2

Dude, she had this done before she met you and they have nothing to do with you. I find it pretty ironic that you’re complaining about the issues her ex saddled her with and yet you’re treating a part of her body (that she’s obviously sensitive about, no less) like it’s a festering sore. My opinion–you’re being a total ass. It’s not going to go away and there’s no way to “fix” it–short of her undergoing another intrusive body modification for some guy who can’t accept her as she is. Either deal with the real problem–namely, your ego–or let her go; you’re not doing her any favors by sticking around with this attitude.

BTW–I dig your screen name, very inventive!

bella

3

Since it’s highly unlikely she’s gonna drain them for you, I’d say either get over it or get over her.

Good luck.

4

Love it or leave it… she likes them, and it makes her happy. You’re being selfish and possibly a bit controlling to want this girl to alter her image just to suit your whims. She’s already altered herself because of one man. You should just accept the way she is now, and if you really can’t live with it, then move on. Cosmetic surgery isn’t like dying your hair.

5

Try thinking about this - does she have nice teeth? Did she have braces to get nice teeth? Does her smile make her more attractive? And would you want her to have her teeth moved back to their original crooked positions?

If it makes her feel better, let it go. It’s a cosmetic change only - like hair coloring, makeup, whatever. It may not be one of the things you would have changed, but it’s already done. Accept her for who she is.

6

Gotta chime in: If the only thing you find wrong with her is one physical attribute (which you yourself don’t want her to change), count yourself very, very lucky.

And for Pete’s sake, stop saying things that make her cry.

7

Oh my God, get over it. What if she’d had breast cancer and had to have reconstruction? Would you be forever tormented by her boobs then? Would you have a problem touching her leg if it happened to be prosthetic?

Obviously you have some growing up to do, or at the very least you are not a good match for her. If you care about her, you would want her to feel good about herself. If her implants make her feel sexy, you should be happy for her. If you can’t be, then let her move on to someone who will appreciate ALL of her.

8 
 My plan was just to sift thru these replies for the nuggets of wisdom, and not reply, but you asked questions, so I guess I'll answer, but I truly didn't intend to turn this into a debate, so don't read this as me being defensive.

 Replacing or otherwise modifying a body part after surgery or amputation is a totally different animal as I see it.  That's an attempt to cope with damage and to restore your body to it's *previous, natural condition*.  
 What she did was to try and improve on nature, she scarred and mutilated herself for no good reason.   And, on a more temporal note, she went low-bid (and in the process totally disregarded the possibility that someone else might come along some day and want to look at her) by having him go in there instead of thru the armpit or the belly button.   

 I guess the jist of the advice so far is "get over it", which is pretty much what I plan to do anyway.  I guess I was hoping top hear from a)more guys in this situation, or b)more girls with implants about how they've experienced things.

Thanks at any rate, I don’t know what I’d do with my spare time without this board!

9

Here’s the thing. You say that she did it for “no good reason.” She did. Do you have tatoos? Did you have a reason for ining your body? Would I agree with those reasons? Do you expect her to share your views on her breasts?

Here’s what you need to grasp:

  1. Implants hurt like a bitch. She didn’t do it on a whim like you think. My bet is that she told you that knowing your negative attitude towards alteration.

  2. Back up off of her. She made a decision that is permanent and you don’t have to deal with it. You can leave. Her breasts can’t and you don’t have the authority or right to ask her to get rid of them.

  3. You need to make your decision quickly.

  4. Stop making this girl cry you insensitive prig. She is already damaged by this other guy and doesn’t need to have you giving her crap for having fake breasts.

10

Can we keep the personal insults down to a minimum, people?

Like, say, no fucking personal insults at all? Thanks.

The guy’s looking for advice. He does not claim he knows it all. It would suit a lot of you a hell of a lot better to be a tad less condescending towards someone whose situation you only know of because of two posts on a message board. Take these limitations into consideration when you voice your opinion, please.

11

No, actually, I don’t have ANY tattoos (neither does she, just for the record).

And, as I said in the OP, the crying incident only happened after she broke our agreement to not talk about them for a while, she was probing me for my opinions, and I was holding them back trying to preserve her feelings, but she can’t stop talking about them. And it was only once. I’m not the kind of guy who makes women cry on any sort of regular basis.

Re-reading the op, maybe the problem is that I’ve painted myself a bit too harshly here. The majority of this whole debate has taken place nowhere else but in my own head. With the one exception, I generally don’t talk about them to her (or anyone else much), it’s just what’s going on in my head when I’m with her sometimes. And as far as sex, I think I do a fairly decent job of pretending they’re nice.

I wonder. If I was a woman, and my thread was about how I loved some guy, except he has some displeasing physical feature (tiny penis or something), and I was looking for opinions on how to get past the one thing, I wonder if people would be so harsh?

I’m good to her, and she’s good to me, and you’re all right in saying that I need to be happy with that and thankful, and I am. I just feel like I’m the fake one when I have to pretend I like them when they really bother me. That’s all I was trying to say.

I’m not gonna get bogged down in defending myself, 'cause I asked for it, but it’s sad when people get flamed for being honest.

12

It’s not going to get any better and it’s obvious by your stated discomfort with the issue that it will continue to eat at you. End it sooner rather than later.

13

I can understand your point. I dislike fake boobs as well and I find them to feel… well… fake. Kind of weird really.

But if you love her and really want to stay with her you have to work around it.

Mrs Dieter had breast reduction related to cancer. She has a fair amount of scars on her breasts. But I love her, so I love her scars.

If you love this woman, love her implanted bags of salty water as well. It’s part of the package.

As for other men looking at her tits. Just look at it this way. YOU get to play with those tits NOT the other guys.

14

First off, let me say hello, Metalhead. Welcome to the board. {{{{{{Metalhead}}}}}} I can appreciate you want some honest opinions and didn’t expect to get trashed for your OP.

Now, to wade in with my two cents worth. I’d better give you a little background on me first, then my response will hopefully make sense to you.

By the time I was 18 I was so miserable with my HUGE boobs that I was ready to do just about anything. You have no idea what it’s like being a 44DD in high school with a 28" waist. Yes, I got called Dolly Parton a lot, and a lot more unflattering things too. But, more importantly than that, I lived in tshirts and jeans because nothing else fit. Nothing that didn’t suit someone twice my age, at any rate. Back aches, gouges in the tops of my shoulders, and the constant stares by jerk teenage guys who couldn’t seem to see the brains I have or my personality didn’t help either.

When a doctor told me he could make me smaller (went in because of finding a lump- benign thank God), I leaped at the chance.

After a very painful surgery, horrible scars (long story for another time, but they messed up big time), and a long recovery time during which I felt like even my little toes were somehow connected to my boobs, I finally could buy nice clothes that suited my style and age. Would I go back and not have done this given the chance? Not hardly. Would I have gotten a second opinion and perhaps a different doctor? Oh, yes, definitely.

Anyway, in part because of all that, your comments about not liking her scars offend me, highly. If all you can see and think about are the fact that they’re fake and that she has scars now, then you don’t deserve her. And you have quite a lot of growing up to do. I thank God every day that my dear hubby doesn’t feel that way about me, since we were only engaged at the time I had that surgery. He supported me fully, since he knew full well what I’d been living with since I was about 14. We’ve been married 23 yrs, btw. And I sure know he didn’t marry me because of the size of my boobs, since I was a 36C when we got married. [sub](not any more, but that’s another story altogether)[/sub]

I’m glad you clarified that it was only once that you made her cry over this. I sure hope it will be the last time. If I ever became single again I would insist on no lights before undressing in front of any other man. My scars bother me a heck of a lot more than they bother hubby, I can assure you. I’d be willing to bet your gf feels the same way.

15

First of all, Metalhead, I’m impressed with how you’ve taken some unnecessarily obnoxious and presumptious attacks in this thread. You showed a lot of class and integrity.

Now, my humble opinion:

The best you can do is, in time, get over it. You will have to eventually, one way or the other, because this is a permanent part of her person. It’s a shame that you’ve had to disallow them as a conversation topic, but you do mention that she talks about them all the time. They are new, so that’s probably part of it–but, humor me–how is she talking about them? “Aren’t my boobs great?” kind of thing?

Speaking as a person in a committed relationship, I have icky things I don’t like about my body. My hubby has icky things he doesn’t like about his body. Both of us would like the other to be happy with themself, and of course, neither of us are the physical ideal the other fantasized about.

BUT

…It just doesn’t matter that much to us. Eventually, it simply cannot matter that much to you, either. But then, neither of us are replused by the other, which is the reaction you are more or less describing. Regardless…as others have said…you will have to get past them.

FWIW, my sister got “new” boobs in similar fashion–got a divorce, went nuts, got big (fake and scarred) boobs. I think they look silly and feel like underripe melons, but she loves them and her hubby either is beyond ignorant or is lying lovingly, because he told her he couldn’t tell they were fake.

Hopefully it will just fade away from both of your consciousness as you discover new and exciting things to love and appreciate about the other.

16

And for God’s sake, will someone post that LA Story reference already??

Harris: Sandee, your… your breasts feel weird.
Sandee: Oh, that’s 'cause they’re real.

17

Yes, Coldfire, but that’s “Captial S a n capital D, e e.” :slight_smile:

18

Well if you really love her, how about admitting that you’ve been a bit of an ass? Oh, yeah flowers goes well with this…

“You know (insert name here), I’m sorry about the thing I said about your breasts. I know that it’s a sensitive area to you and I just want to say that I wasn’t thinking when I spoke. You talk about them a lot but I love you and think you look beautiful for many other reasons as well so I might be a bit hasty and dissmissing when we talk about them. For me they are just another part of why I love you.”

Or something…

19

I think maybe you’re looking at things the wrong way. You seem to be seeing them as horrible, fake, scarred-up breasts. But they’re something much more – they are the breasts that belong to the girl you love. They are part of her. The size and the scars are a more recent part of her, but they are her too. It is an amazing power to change our own bodies, or allow others to change them. Whether this fits your philosophy or not is a different issue. They are part of her, not part of you.

I appreciate that you’re trying to do the right thing here, looking for advice on how to keep this matter from causing problems for the two of you. I’m assuming you’ve already talked with her about it – talk more. Be as honest with her as you have with us, if you haven’t done so already. And be aware of that jealousy thing. She gets looked at by guys, sure, but you love her. None of them do that. Most of them just see breasts, you see your girlfriend. Except that it almost seems like you’re a hairsbreadth away from just seeing breasts yourself … breasts that aren’t the way you’d like them to be.

You can’t separate her from this part of her. It’s an element of her past, and of her personality. You cannot change her, but you can change you, if you think she’s something worth changing for.

Oh, and you’re hardly “genetically mutated.” While a number of guys will express appreciation for a huge chest, I have very few who actually like fakeness.

– Dragonblink, female tattooed unimplanted 36B Pagan

20

D’oh! Would you believe I actually edited that out because I thought it was a bunch of typos? :slight_smile: