His birthday is coming up, and as I’m totally broke (and wouldn’t know what to get him anyway), I thought it would be a good idea to list 50 of his best qualities and write a few sentences about each one. Before I started writing, I had what seemed like a ton of ideas, but now I’m up to #31 and I’m stuck. I still think he’s great, I just don’t know WHY anymore. 
I’ll post what I’ve got so far if anyone wants to see it. Otherwise, can you just tell me what is great about your SO, what qualities you look for in a mate, anything along those lines that will help me get going again. Thanks!
How are we to know what the good qualities of your SO are?
What birthday is it? If it’s less than 31, why not write about one good quality for each year of his life? That way, you already have the material.
Oh, and put me down for another “how the hell should I know?”. With yoghurt sauce. and chilli sauce.
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He never puts his boogers on you after he picks them.
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He never sniffs his finger after scratching his ass.
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Those really were his mother’s panties in the glove box.
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He shares the crack because he loves you.
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He has introduced you to the wonderful world of gerbil loving.
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He brushes his tooth at least once a month.
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Nobody makes “Roadkill Surprise” like your SO can.
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He didn’t blame you when he stapled his nutsack to the floor.
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He never complains about the smell.
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He can dicuss the politics of dancing and never get stuck on a point.
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The confusion surrounding the hole in the watermelon was adequately explained, though the melon did taste a little funny.
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He doesn’t aim his farts directly at you.
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He’ll occasionally warn you before letting loose a “Dorito burp.”
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He loves yogurt sauce and chili sauce on his foot longs.
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He almost never screams “Who’s your daddy? WHO’S YOUR DADDY?” at the top of his lungs, and those times that he does he’s always on top.
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He really was just being polite when staring at your best friend’s ass and drooling.
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Those other girls were actually friends from work, and the project was a research thing on orgies. He was just doing his job.
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He shaves his back.
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When clipping dingleberries, almost always makes sure they don’t get embedded in your tooth brush.
There you go, that’s 50! My work is done.
Welby, you are a sick sick man. I like that!
OTOH, to actually try to help Dung Beetle, Do you remember what first attracted you to him?
Here’s a few why I stilll love my SO:
If I’ve had a bad day, he’ll set up a bath and let me be by myself for the evening, sans kids.
We still get silly together.
We make fun of the kids together (when they’re not around of course).
He still wants me, even when I don’t feel very want-able.
He’s got a great imagination.
He knows the answers to: How do I look? Are these jeans OK? Am I fat?
I get silly phone messages on my work voice mail that I’ve kept for years.
He forces me to go shopping/spend money on myself every once in a while.
He can’t sleep with out me, nor me without him.
Let me see how I stack up to your SO, then Miamouse.
Yep.
Yep.
Doesn’t matter if they’re around, they’re still targets.
Yep.
Yep.
“Terrible,” “If you want to look like a hippo,” and “Not as fat as the 7-Eleven lady.”
Nope, but I call every day.
Yep.
Yep.
Looks like I’m perfect. 
Tansu Thanks, but it is his fiftieth birthday.
Miamouse I appreciate your help! I’m sure I can use some of those.
welby I’m using some of yours too! I was worried this gift was a little too sappy…well, not anymore!
Never let it be said that I’m not willing to help.
Ah.
D’oh.
I didn’t say anything about perfect, I said I still loved him.
Hey Dung Beetle, how’d the gift go over?
I still have a few more days to go, welby . I’m adding cake and sex. (Not that we need a special day, or anything.)
Thanks for asking!
You don’t need a special day for cake? Can I come live with you?
Fifty things I like about welby
- Good sense of humor
- Likes to help
- A cake man
Wait, you’re not 50!
That’s true, but you can make a list up to 31 if you want.
- Doug Adams fan
Fellow Dopers, feel free to pitch in here!
Damn. 4? That’s all you can come up with? Now I feel all unwanted.
- Sensitive
Hey, I’m a newbie!
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Smells almost entirely unlike rotting squash
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Keeps hands in his own pockets, usually
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Only brings out the bagpipes during mating season
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considerate enough to actually listen to those voices in his head
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Not made of lard
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Won’t ruin your dinner
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In stereo, where available
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Doesn’t mind a little beastiality humor
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Never bitten anyone when taken on walks without a leash
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Does not promote tooth decay
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Water-resistant
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Available in an array of decorator colors
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Has scruples, but he’s under the care of a physician
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That thing he does with his eyes that makes us scream and shout
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Doesn’t demand voluminous amounts of attenti… er, nevermind.
- Raises godless heathens