Please help with CA executor abuse

My mom bought a new car before she passed. My dad is now in a dementia facility with not much time left here. My issue is my sister is still driving the car that is being paid for by our parents account including the insurance. She is taking monies out for her own use, paying her own bills and even getting her daily 2 or 3 Starbucks with the debit cards.
She is no longer answering my calls or emails. I don’t even know if she deposited my moms life insurance or cashed it at this point.
I could really use some help…I do not have the money to hire an attorney or I would have already done that.
Thank you.

Are there any legal documents giving your sister powers, rights or permission to manage or use your parents’ assets?

Have you followed up with the insurance company to see if the policy has been paid out to the correct designated beneficiaries?

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Welcome to the SDMB, thegeneral2010.

The General Questions forum is for question with factual answers. Questions involving opinions and questions involving legal issues belong in the In My Humble Opinion (IMHO) forum. It’s no biggie. You don’t need to do anything. I will move the thread for you.

Also, please note that any advice you get there is just the opinions of some online folks and should not be taken as professional legal advice.

Moving thread from General Questions to In My Humble Opinion.

I don’t understand the situation. Is your father the executor of your mother’s estate, and being abused by your sister? In that case, google “Elder Abuse” for your area.

Or is it your sister who is the executor, and mismanaging the assets of the estate? In that case, you probably need a lawyer.

Check with a Legal Aid service in your area, they should be free or at least inexpensive.
Best of luck, I’m in the same boat myself.

I think this is how you need to go - you do need to talk to a lawyer who can get a “cease-and-desist” order for your sister, and since you can’t afford a lawyer, Legal Aid sounds like the way to go.

And, in the personal opinion section of my post, what the hell is wrong with people that your sister is doing this?!? That isn’t her money! That money should be used to look after your father until he passes, then the estate should be divided up according to your parents’ wills. Sheesh.

No one who’s had a parent pass, or a parent within their close family or social group, would ask this question. People turn into thieving, lying, greedy, manipulative assholes over even the smallest estate. (ETA: And award themselves the biggest haloes for doing so, because, you know, “Mom would have wanted it this way.”)

Those prepared to reply, “But that didn’t happen to us!” - have you lost the second parent yet? In any case, count yourselves very, very lucky… the odds of settling a parental death without unforeseen and deeply damaging friction are low.

In general, whenever anyone says “I can’t afford to hire a lawyer”, they can even less afford to not hire a lawyer. People don’t hire lawyers because they just feel like frittering away money. Lawyers exist to make things better, not worse.

And I’ve had some experience now with the potential complications of inheritance. Without going into too much detail, let’s just say that it turns out that “the best interests of the estate” do not necessarily align with “the best interests of the heirs”.

Yeah, you’re (unfortunately) right. I still don’t know what’s wrong with people, that they turn into vultures and assholes when a family member dies.

A few months after my dad died, I was getting over my resentment toward my siblings for not helping me take care of him. After I finished with his life insurance claim the insurer sent about $3,000 direct to each of us 4 children. I sent a message to my siblings saying “Hey, please hold onto this money for a bit. I’ll take this opportunity to get a quote for a nice memorial stone.”

But even that was too much and I wound up paying for the whole thing myself. :frowning: I know $3000 is a lot to some people but I only would’ve wanted about $600 per person if they all pitched in. So shameful.

I do hope the OP comes back on this one.

Thank you all for your input and welcomes!
My mom and dad set my sister as the executor as I lived out of state. At the time it was casual. But since mom has passed and dad no longer can make any decisions, much less know who I am…which I will say is as messed up as it comes…my sister has all the POA legally. What she has power to do is a great question as she will not share any documents with me much less answer calls, texts or emails.
I can hire an attorney but I was hoping for something a bit less drama filled. I actually did have an attorney try to contact her and she would not talk to him. He left a message that she had a week to call him or legal action would be started. Nothing.
My dad will never burn through all the monies in the estate…its the whole point of my sister abusing her position. Just a little side note is that my sister, at 40something years old, was still receiving money from mom until she passed. Maybe a few thousand a month… nothing crazy, but she is a mooch. Never repaid her personal loans from mom…and if dad was in his right mind and found out mom and my sister were doing that all those years he would have had a melt down. My mom told me specifically she did not give my sister any permission to drive her car other than transporting her or dad around.
So again, thank you all for your input and I guess an attorney is the answer. Ill make it work…