Seriously, am I the only one to have Oingo Boingo in my head after reading the OP??
My grampa put my gramma’s ashes in a smallish wooden box on the dresser in the guest bedroom. My mom opened it up thinking it was a knick knack box she could throw her jewelry, etc in while staying over…good thing she put her hand in first to make sure nothing was in there. yike
That’s pretty creepy, but it’s not like she’s been doing it for several years. And hopefully, she won’t. I just hope the children are old enough to understand. That behavior could be damaging to very young kids.
I think if we’re honest about this, John Travolta is to blame.
Acchhhh! The phone. I forgot the phone…
Seems that during the last days John was at home, he had a few false alarms. Priests rushed to the house, that sort of thing. He told his family that he’d know when to go, and when it was time, he’d “signal” them by opening this music box that played some little music box-ish song he liked to hear.
So now when you call their house, guess what ringtone plays on the phone?
What, please, is a 'rassler ? It does sound like the widdow needs some help from professionals.
Phlosphr, have you been sneaking peeks at my bookshelf? I swear I’ve got a short story here somewhere in a supposedly erotic (!) collection that deals with exactly that… :eek:
But, yes, I don’t think counseling would hurt, or someone close enough gently suggesting that a big birthday party might not be the best thing at the moment.
And I believe ‘rasslin’ is “Wrestling”. At least it was the last time I checked.
There’s grieving, and then there’s hurting your loved ones because of your denial.
This is a little girl who lost her father at a young age. Her mother is oblivious and apparently doesn’t care when her youngest is not at home in bed at night. This is why Mrs. John needs counseling. She is not functioning and is hurting her daughter.
Let us know how it goes.
Wrestler. As in high school/junior high wrestling. All three of his sons wrestle. In HS, John himself was a state contender, and this is in somewhat of a wrestling hotbed. He volunteered as a coach at their junior high. One son nearly won state a few years ago, the second one DID last year, and the last one was a state Jr. High champ and looks to do as well as his brothers did in high school. Not to mention that many of the kids he coached and stayed close with after they were his students, went on to high school and success. Someone told me once that he has about 14 former students that received full-rides to college for their wrestling, a couple at Big Ten schools.
His daughter, who seems to disappear in the house, is a 14 year old beauty. Could pass for 18 easily, dances like she was born to do nothing else, has a tremendous sense of humor, is outspoken and takes NO shit from her brothers.
Her best friends and their parents have more or less adopted her. Each night kind of ends with a round of “who’s got John’s girl?” phone calls. She’s welcome at any of their homes, but MUST call mom to let her know where she is. I should explain that mom works midnights so she can be home after school with the kids.
The oldest son is great, will break his back to help mom and has taken on the big brother/faux dad role, the middle one is quite concerned with himself and the last one is a cocky prick that if he wasn’t 16, I’d bust his nose.
The daughter needs some counseling as well, but she is getting it. Her parents didn’t tell any of the kids things were as grave as they were until the last couple months. They could get away with it because he really only got BAD at that point. So the kids went from ‘dad’s sick but fighting and it looks ok’, to “no dad” in a matter of weeks. And the daughter, being an only daughter was Daddy’s Princess, and took this very very hard. Not to mention that the outpouring from the rest of the community was all about John and all his boys (the kids he coached), so imagine losing your dad and hardly being recognized. Her relationship with her dad wasn’t out there on the mat and in the gym for everyone to see, it was a “just you and me kid” kind of thing, and now he’s not around.
She had, and has incredible anger issues over the whole thing, which I’m, sure doesn’t help the relationship with mom. Even now, she’s pretty quick to anger, but is reasonable and gets talked down ok. Like I said, she has good people for friends, and they all have good families, so her support system will be there for her.
ivylass, I’ll make sure and keep things updated here.
But I am NOT going to that party.
I think that this is an expression of a very deep love for her deceased husband.
If her actions make her feel better, so be it.
Without being creepy, can you insert yourself, or another upstanding father-type to do the daddy things with her? I understand that there are other parents who are tag teaming her parenting, but a special, supportive, I’m always here for you, male figure would perhaps help her long term.
Not. If. It. Torments. The. Children.
Otherwise, fine. Knock yourself out. But her right to be a psycho widow went out the window when she had kids. She is entitled to her grief, but if it is making the daughter feel unloved or unneeded, it’s time for mom to get on the couch and get on some meds and get her stuff together.
Under the circumstances, anything else is self indulgent.
Sister Coyote, I also have that book, and it was the first thing that crossed my mind when I read that post. Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.
That is the disturbing icing on this whole big creepy cake…
This is just too weird…And I’d best not laugh about it as that would be bad Karma…
I don’t suppose there’s anybody she’ll listen to, if she’s sat down and told to get her act together? A co-worker wasn’t handling her husband’s death very well and it was messing up her kids and grandkids. Everybody tip-toed around her for three years. Finally, her brother-in-law just flat out told her she would knock off the drama queen crap and get counseling, etc. They cleaned up the house one room at a time, and he sat with her while she made an appointment with a counselor and drove with her to the office.
She’s still a nasty cow, but she’s afraid of her brother-in-law laying down the law again and keeps the wallowing to a tolerable level. The kids are still messed up (one escaped through drugs and is dead) but not as much as was feared.
Basically, grieving is fine, but sometimes you get stuck inside it and need someone to give you a kick in the pants to get going again. Sooner rather than later in this case, since she’s got kids depending on her.
Ashes, Ashes: best username to post to this thread.
Nope. 
Y’know, a “birthday party” that was sort of a memorial where everyone could gather to share their memories would be kind of cool, but not a cake and balloons, sing “Happy Birthday” to the ashes deal. Yikes.
NE Texan, this is exactly the right approach. She doesn’t want her husband to simply disappear, but she doesn’t have a healthy way of memorializing him. A remembrance party of some sort is definitely in order.
I was 13 when my sister died, and my family went into a tailspin. So yeah, I know how it goes.
Look, I’m not saying that this woman wouldn’t benefit from grief counseling, and yeah, she’s probably holding on a bit longer than normal. But really, 15 months isn’t very long when we’re talking about mourning, especially when we’re talking about someone who died before his time. Something like that affects people for years, not just months. Sure, to us, it seems creepy, but to the poor woman it probably gives her a connection to her husband. Odd? Yes. But hell, I can tell you right now that if something happened to Mr Athena I’d probably be a real pain in the ass for many, many years after the fact. Shit like that sometimes doesn’t go away in nice, neat little boxes the way people think it should.
Athena, I don’t think anyone is suggesting that her pain and grief should “go away.” It’s just that she’s holding on in ways that are unhealthy, particularly to her daughter. Of course it’s going to be hard. Nobody really knows how they’re going to handle a thing until they go through it. (I lost an infant daughter, so I know whereof I speak.)
mr bus guy I wonder if you should go on to the party. What would happen if everyone boycotted? That would be a huge blow to the widow! Hopefully someone can get her to change the tenor of the party so it’s a memorial, but still. I think you should reconsider and go no matter what kind of strange bash it is. It sounds like everyone involved is very close and it’s very hard for everyone. The family has my prayers!