If you read the title and clicked on this thread because you thought it was very important to me to get a reply, well, thank you, you have a good heart. You do not yet know the bitterness that I know.
Am I going to open your email any faster if you put, “URGENT!” in the subject line?
No. No one who I don’t know personally could possibly have anything to tell me through email that can’t wait until I’ve read the rest of the mail in my inbox.
DOES IT HELP TO PUT THE SUBJECT IN ALL CAPS?
no.
Does ten times the punctuation mean ten times the impact???
No!!!
Does including “Please respond ASAP!” in your message mean I’ll reply faster?
No. I try to reply to all my email promptly. Yours is no different. Well, except that the fact that you have the temerity to assume that your email deserves an instant answer gives me a little extra incentive to find something else to do before replying.
Will I read your email if you don’t put “PLEASE READ!” in the subject line?
Uh, yes. As a matter of fact, you may be shocked to hear that most of the email I get does not have “Please read!” in the subject line, and, amazingly enough, I read it anyway.
Will “I need a reply NOW!” garner an instant reply?
Fuck no. Unless you’re in my chain of command, you don’t get to issue demands. Maybe if you’d been a little polite you’d have gotten a response. As is . . . What’s that? I think I hear the train to Deletesville! Buh-bye!
In closing: You are not special. Your email is not of earthshattering importance, regardless of what you think. Maybe if you put three seconds of thought into writing a brief, descriptive subject line and making your message clear and interesting, you wouldn’t feel the need to indulge in cheap and ineffective attention-getting tactics.
THANX AND HAVE A NICE DAY AS SOON AS POSSIBLE!!!
[sub](You know, this rant would have probably been a lot better if it were written in a sarcastic, ironic mode, but I’ll leave that as an exercise for the reader.)[/sub]
