Well, slap me upside the head with a halo and call me Mary, Gabriel – I’m pregnant. My husband and I have had sex once in the last six months, and that with a fully-functioning, correctly-used condom, but once is enough, apparently. I went to see the doctor about some cramps today and got the surprise of my life. Now I’m about 17 weeks along.
I’m so high-risk it’s terrifying: this critter went through major surgery and seven weeks of chemo and radiation with me, and I’m almost 41 to boot. Nonetheless, ultrasound revealed that not only am I pregnant, the critter has what looks like a full set of working organs and well-proportioned parts (including what are probably boy parts), and he’s moving around like a breakdancer, and he even got the hiccups while we watched.
WE WERE NOT PREPARED FOR THIS!
Husband and I want to Google our guts out to catch up on all the Good Expectant Parenting things we ought to have known by now. We’ve already exposed this fetus to all kinds of horrible toxic things and would like to do better, now, please. Of course my doctor’s calling me in a few minutes and I expect an avalanche of medical info from her and the high-risk specialty clinic she’ll probably send me to; in the meantime, we want to do supplementary research. But I’d like to avoid crackpottery as much as possible. I know there’s a hell of a lot of that out there.
Where’s good pregnancy info to be found? Which places out there are full of nuts and best avoided?
And second, I’m also interested in finding a source for reliable information, and possibly discussion, with as little crackpottery as possible. And while I’m wishing, I’d like a site where the posters are comfortable using grammar, punctuation, and logic, and where use of terms such as “baby dust”, “hubby”, and “!!!” would be grounds for immediate banning. The Straight Dope on Pregnancy, basically.
Can we include a ban on terms such as “baby dance” for sex, and the use of the letter O for ovulation? Because O means something different in my world.
Also, I’m seriously beginning to think there’s something in the water on the SDMB.
First of all congratulations! You are in for the ride of your life!
Secondly, there are millions of web sites, and they almost all have some kind of nutsiness to them. There are your ‘alternative’ sites that will tell you to have a dolphin-assisted birth. There are your ‘worrier’ sites that tell you that if you eat one imperfect bite you’ll mess up your child forever. There are your ‘materialist’ sites that will tell you 101 expensive gizmos that your child will need on it’s first day alive.
It goes on and on.
I’m sorry I can’t tell you of a Straight Dope for preggos. A place with humor and good common sense advice in which people argue over the slightest thing.
A lot of people have said they found it alarmist, but I like my facts right out there in the open. The author does have a lot of information about things that can go wrong, but I don’t think she overstates risks or implies they will go wrong, I think a lot of people just don’t like reading about that kind of stuff. And she has it all in it’s own section, so you can skip a lot of the “what can go wrong” stuff. I really like the way it’s laid out in general, and it’s easy to find what you want.
Which is why I did not like You’r Pregnancy Week by Week all that much. It has good information, but in ever chaptery (and therefore every week) it gives you some new random horrible thing that can happen, which takes up like half the (short) chapter, and may or may not actually be something that could happen that week. Also, it has random nutritional advice in each chapter, but I really would prefer a whole chapter on something like that, rather than trying to remember which week has information on how much tuna I can have. I bought it because I like a lot of information on how the baby is developing each week, and how I might be changing/feeling, but those parts seems sparse compared with the “How your actions affect your baby” (“your actions” aren’t even necessarily actions, stuff like genetic diseases are discussed under that heading).
Yep. Both “What to Expect” and “Great Expectations” are really nicely organized, so you can read whole sections or just use them as an ad-hoc reference.
Also, I just remembered that the (relatively sane, smart) wedding board I used to a few years back also had a “Moms” section. I just took a quick look, and it seems promising. I know a number of those folks eventually migrated over to alt dot life, which also has a moms section (you have to register to see most of the forum content). Both sites look relatively low on the nutjob index. I can’t say for sure, but I figure they’re worth a shot.
The What to Expect has a hugely alarmist section on nutrition. It says that before eating every bite you should consider if what you are about to consume is the exactly best thing you can be feeding your baby.
No one can live up to that standard and you’ll only drive yourself crazy trying.
Doctor called, and among lots of other info, she recommended What to Expect too. Turns out there’s a What to Expect site, so I’ve been looking it over, but I think I can’t recommend it. WTF is “baby dust” supposed to be, anyway? – but the main turnoff on the message boards there, among the many differences from this place, is that no one seems to give a rat’s ass about cites, and overgeneralized anecdotes rule. There is clearly no rule about asking for or giving medical advice, either. Non-message-board factual content seems limited – I suppose they don’t want to ruin the market for the book.
Now I’m going to either go look at the sites Heart of Dorkness suggested, or fall asleep. My husband is headed to a friend’s to borrow baby books. What a day.
Congratulations! I feel for you. As a 45 year old, pregnant with her first child (I am now 31 weeks along), I can kinda relate to the shock and need to educate yourself about all the high risk things out there.
The best website I’ve found was babycenter.com.
Good luck!
Congratulations! I can’t help you very much with websites, but I will say, breathe. Try really hard to only deal with the things you actually know.
And when you stop laughing. . . .try to relax. Most of what happens is up to the baby anyway, so go along for the ride and do what you can to enjoy it. Your body can do this.
Congratulations! I third What to Expect. And I hear they’ve come out with a more up-to-date version, too. What to Expect the First Year and What to Expect the Toddler Years are also pretty decent references on most common illnesses, month-by-month development, etc.
Babycenter.com is a good resource with fairly neutral articles, but I’d avoid pretty much any baby-centered message board, including theirs. Most have a particular slant and ridiculous debates over “hot topics,” most of which are personal preferences.
You’ll quickly find that people assume that if they’ve found something that worked for their kid, it’ll work for every kid and if it doesn’t, the parents just aren’t doing it right. Ignore those people. They suck.
First of all, wow! After finding out you’re pregnant under the circumstances you have, I’m amazed that you’re still not sitting in a daze trying to remember your name! Sounds like you’ve been through the wringer recently, so you deserve the easiest pregnancy on the planet, if at all possible.
I have to say, one of the reasons there are probably so many pregnant dopers appearing here (myself included) is that there is a real dearth of straightforward, pregnancy sites out there that aren’t populated by idiots throwing baby dust over everything (seriously, wtf is up with that?). I haven’t found one single pregnancy message board that I could stomach, to be honest.
Given that you are high risk as well, you may find that even the most helpful books or websites don’t address your specific concerns in any meaningful way.
That being said, I can say that I did quite like the What to Expect book, and can second babycenter.com as being a useful source of general info. Again, avoid the message boards, unless you want a headache or a laugh (depending on the day you’re having).
Most of the time when I have a question I’ll just google, and see what comes up. I’ve found it’s pretty much a crapshoot. I still say that the SD is the best place to come if you have a factual question that you want a proper answer to!
Anyway, welcome to the SD preggo club (sorry, just trying to desensitise you to the appalling pregnancy terms you are going to have to wade through!) - we’re probably one of the best resources you are going to find
I probably wouldn’t want to have sex much if I were going through chemo and radiation either.
I like babyfit.com – it’s done by the Sparkpeople folks, and has a great thing where you can track what you eat and see if you’re getting the right amount of nutrients.
As for books, get The Pregnancy Book and The Baby Book by Dr. Sears.
