Shouldn’t a six-year-old girl (or boy, for that matter) already know it’s inappropriate to go about in public with their underwear showing regardless of the reason? I know they may not realize they’re flashing other people, but my two-year-old boy already knows that he needs to wear pants in public.
SHAKES, I think you were entirely correct.
Shakes, in my view you were entirely correct.
I say that as a parent. It would be interesting to see a breakdown of the “yes” and “no” answers on this board broken down as to whether the poster is a parent themselves.
Yes, SHAKES was appropriate. (or “no” he’s not a creep?)
Father of a rambunctious 2 year old girl.
SHAKES, another one for completely appropiate.
I can see the Mom turning her insecurity into an attack, it’s common behavior, but it’s also not your fault. Hopefully she’ll learn to “let go” of her kid some; she’s not her child’s only educator, nor does she expect to be, yet at the same time she’s marking her territory in a way that keeps other educators from doing their job. And yeah, same as I’d expect any adult present to be responsible for the kid’s health, I expect any adult present to mark reasonable boundaries. None of the responses so far indicate that any of the folks responding think that “please don’t flash the world” is an unreasonable boundary; plus, if the actual and exact sentence was what the OP says, it doesn’t even say “please don’t flash the world,” even though it’s what he was thinking, it was “sit down correctly.”
Perhaps not entirely on topic:
I was at a friends place making gingerbread houses before Christmas one year. She had a small child and small dog running around. While she had her back turned I saw the dog jump up onto the table and go to take a bite out of one of the completed houses - I of course said “Hey! Sally get off the table”.
She immediately turned on me and abused me for reprimanding her dog.
I don’t spend much time with her now. I’m afraid if the kid did somthing wrong or dangerous and I utter so much as a peep she might do me physical violence.
MRW
Hi Shakes. You did good. Ladylike (and gentlemanly) behaviour is something children *should *aspire to.
At six years old I suffered my mother raising my skirt in public to hike up knickers and stockings. I would much rather have kept my knickers private. I was regularly subjected to the (sometimes arbitrary) rules of relatives and friends of my parents - and that was just what adults did. I was raised that a guest must follow the rules of the house - and apologise if they didn’t.
I agree completely with the posters who say the mother’s reaction would have been far more damaging than your request for ‘grown up’ behaviour in your home.
I always preface corrective sentences with “In this house the rules are…” It avoids the whole issue of who has the parental control - it’s the rules of the house not a personal issue. Any argument is countered with “That’s fine in *your *home, but in *this *house we…”
She’s just plain wrong.
Creepy would be if you kept on looking, without saying anything. That’s what a creep would do, surely. You were merely observant and mildly concerned.
That said, It sounds like maybe she perceived you as overriding her own role as a parent, and just overreacted.
It’s not ladylike to burp, either, and that has nothing to do with anything sexual. Legs/feet on the table where we sometimes eat = bad manners. I’m with the OP, would have said the same thing.
I have a feeling that the payoff here for the mother is self-aggrandizement. When I was growing up, I bet my parents disagreed about whether I should be punished etc. but they didn’t disagree IN FRONT OF me. They presented a unified front so that I couldn’t “split the defense” and get away with murder.
There are too many parents these days who had children so that the parent can feel like God. The mother in this case perceives the child as a kind of personal fiefdom and you’re not welcome on that turf. I am assuming she didn’t ask the child to leave before starting in on you…and I think that’s deliberate. She’s telling the child, “I am the only person you have to listen to.”
I’m pretty sure you have every right to feel comfortable in your own home. :dubious: People like this mother may find they never get invited anywhere if they do this regularly. And your roommate ought to consider SERIOUSLY the ramifications of a long-term relationship with such a woman.
ETA if there is a place where society-type ladies like to drink tea with their skirts hiked up, how do I get invited? I promise not to stare too much.
“Being called to order for putting your girlybits on display” and “being made ashamed about your body” are not one and the same. Otherwise I’ll come hang around on your doorstep flashing my junk at passers-by, and when called on it I’ll complain about the harm they’re doing to my self-image.
“Ladylike” is something you have to consider when you’re wearing a skirt. It’s polite for “Don’t show your crotch to people, they don’t need to see it”.
And frankly, yes, even the slightest suggestion that someone’s a kiddy-fiddler these days is on a par with dropping a casual hint that the old lady next door might be a witch was back in Salem in 1692.
Mine too, and it worked, until I got away with murdering them both at the same time.
Why didn’t I think of that? :smack:
I would add my respect for adults “generalized.” I.e. if I had a problem with a teacher, I assumed my parents would side with them. I might have a good case and my parents would back me up, but if I had nothing substantial (“he just doesn’t like me,”) forget it. If I were in another home, visiting, I better obey the adults of that home. In general if an adult tells you something, you do it, with exceptions for total strangers and the like.
The mother in this case is setting herself up as the only authority. If she’s not there to witness it or ratify it, or if she simply disagrees, it doesn’t count. I’ve never read the book and I don’t mean to imply political endorsement, but the title rings true: It Takes a Village. What parent in his/her right mind wants to raise a child without the help of alloparents?
I don’t have a story like Manda Jo’s, but I have to say she has expressed my own feelings exactly. There is something so humiliating and shameful about being told something like that and it goes down a lot easier when it comes from the right person.
Well I don’t know that she said anything, but from the way it was phrased in the OP, it reads like she started insinuating that he was ogling her kid. If you say something like that to me you’d better know the exits, I don’t care if you’re a man or woman. Much too serious an accusation these days, even if it was only an audience of 3.
And boo-hoo about the body image baloney. I’ve been humiliated by women more times than I can count and I’m not damaged goods. Not totally anyway.
…which is precisely why this should have been handled at home at some point prior to their evening on the porch. Did the kid suddenly have a burst of inspiration that night and do this for the first time? Nah, probably been doing it at home for some time.
@jpal: I agree, with some modification. I’d probably walk away and later, if I had the mother alone, I’d tell her I never wanted to see her or her kid again. I’d ELIMINATE any potential misinterpretation if she’s that stupid. IMO she’s just too dangerous to be around.
Annoyed that someone corrected your child or that your child was so out of control that they needed to be corrected by someone else?
Or you could have said “I see London I see France…”
Really the Mom should have been proactive, but I think if it was my kid and I heard the “not ladylike” comment it would rub me the wrong way too for the reasons MandaJo states.
How old have I become that I’d forgotten that childhood taunt?
[Matt Groening]Teacher, teacher, I declare. I see Bongo’s bottom bare![/MG]
Annoyed that someone corrected my child. For the most part I had a pretty good handle on my kids’ behavior, especially, my now 17 year old’s. My 21 year old was a handful, actually still is, but I feel that I had a pretty good handle on his behavior. Had he been baring his goodies, I would have been on his case proactively.
Other posters personal baggage aside – you were in the right. If my daughter at that age had ever done such a thing and was corrected by someone else before I noticed (because, believe me, the second my children do anything inappropriate in my presence in public, they are corrected!) I would thank them. You are not a creep to be bothered by a child acting inappropriately in your home. Methinks the mother is the creep and the perv and were it my home, she would not be invited back unless and until her daughter were able to act in an acceptable manner. Telling her it wasn’t ladylike was no worse than saying “one shouldn’t sit like that in a dress.” The fact that the little girl was in a dress elevated the situation to gender relevance. If my son were to pull out the ol’ worm in public, he would be reprimanded similarly “Dude, that’s not very gentlemanly, put it away!”