Oh, I dunno. I can see some possibilities in that(How you doin’ Mrs. Brady?) 
The ability to make your penis any length, between 1" and 2.5".
Able to eat 100 lbs of cardboard per day without any side effects.
Can morph into an address label, displaying any international address that conforms to the local postal agency’s standards, but unable to remove self from a surface once the glue has set.
Can change self into any size Tupperware lid, up to 2" x 4", but only in blue.
Post-it notes are incapable of sticking to your forehead.
Thermos-looking device for left hand, though it keeps neither hot stuff hot, nor cold stuff cold, and leaks like a sieve.
Vary length of pubic hair at will, up to 3 feet.
Can make pens that have run out of ink write exactly two more alphanumeric characters.
Incredible ability to repair 8-track tape players in under three seconds, regardless of what the problem is. Same for Betamax VCRs.
Can punch self in chin 16 times per day without pain.
You are Embellishment Man. You have no idea what your superpowers are, but you know you’ve got a million of 'em.
My dad has that ability.
Other useless powers:
The ability to straighten cheese.
Perfect memory of past winning lottery numbers.
The ability to perfectly roll socks.
The ability to teleport exactly 1.27 light years, no more, no less.
Super-indecision.
The ability to read the minds of jumbo shrimp.
The ability to produce mucous any shade of purple.
A penis that glows only when inserted in a vagina.
The ability to eat frozen foods at any speed and in any amount without getting the dreaded “ice cream headache”.
The ability to have voluntary panic attacks.
The ability to believe any lie, no matter how obvious.
The ability to ejaculate lutefisk.
The ability to smell helium.
The ability to hear mildew.
The ability to taste the difference between “damn it” and “mother fucker”, and thus discern them even while deaf and blind.
The ability to see if someone has hemorrhoids, because they appear to glow if so afflicted.
The ability to sing the first 4 notes of any song.
The ability to remember exactly how many times the word “other” is used in any piece of literature.
The ability to sit cross-legged for hours on end without getting leg cramps.
Hey, I have that ability, I’ve got superpowers cool.
other abilities not worth having…
Imunity to soap.
Ability to lip read what anyone is saying as long as it isn’t in a language you understand.
Ability to dodge meteorites. (I supose this could be helpful, but very unlikely to ever get a chance to need this power)
The skill to teach Dodos Karate and Jujutsu.
The ability to stop time. No way to re-start it, though.
The ability to turn into any animal you wish. For one microsecond every other week.
The ability to turn a white dwarf star into solid gold by touching it.
The ability to annoy lobsters.
Complete knowledge of every word from every script of Friends
Hey, I’d take that power. It wouldn’t be useless to me. Maybe I could teleport to somewhere cool, take a backpacking trip or something for 5 months, and then teleport back. It would save me airfare on the trip of a lifetime.
The ability to overturn horshoe crabs using pure thought.
The ability to suck the color out of Maraschino cherries, and transfer this color to your earlobes.
The ability to psychically draw earthworms to your navel.
The ability to cry tears of Dijon mustard.
The ability to grow a 14-foot-tall mohawk.
Arms that can move so quickly, they routinely dislocate your shoulders.
The ability to flare your nostrils at supersonic speeds.
Retractable eyebrows.
The ability to make your armpits smell like petroleum.
Edible teeth.
Power of super-spelling.
Super Gullibillity.
Super Impotence.
Ability to move at super slow speed.
Uncanny ability to locate a laundromat.
Ability to transmute gold into lead.
Ability to flare nostrils really wide.
Being born a Shampir*—you inherit none of the powers of a vampire, and all of the weaknesses.
Demi-Alchemy—able to turn Lead into Bismuth.
The amazing mental ability to perfectly rationalize your behavior to justify any action or inaction you take.
The power to change your skin composition to that of any other animal’s skin.
The ability to read video or audiotape by running it through your fingers.
The ability to breathe pure Fluorine.
The power to turn glass into sand.
A skeleton bonded with Zinc.
A detachable penis.
The ability to project fear…onto your identical twin. (He has the power to project nausea, but only onto you.)
*Someone with one Vampire grandparent on one side of the family, and one Vampire grandparent on the other side. Obviously.
The ability to telepathically communicate with yeast
the ability to turn yourself inside out (but not back)
the ability to annoy toast
a magnetic field that stops digital clocks
the ability to program a computer by smell
the ability to eat pure sodium
can turn yourself into a whiff of hydrogen, ozone, and carbon monoxide
can cause computers to crash by looking at them funny (works best on windoze based boxes)
the ability to “scare” electronic devices into working by mumbling
the ability to fart helium
<MST3K Reference>
Man Man!, he has all the powers of a man, but…he’s a man
My bad, I was looking for an interval that was long enough so that you’d be aware that you had such a power, but too short to be of any practical use. So may I suggest instead…
The abiltiy to comunicate telepathically with yeast infections
Man that’s cutting it close, but I’m sure I could find a way to gamble myself into a fortune with that power.
The ability to use commas correctly under any circumstances!
The ability to increase your penis size, combined with total and incurable impotence.
Bart Simpson: My dad can hear pudding.
The ability to shake exactly two aspirin from any aspirin bottle with two or more aspirin in it.
The ability to recall exactly, with perfect comprehension, any text read at any rate less than one word per hour.
The ability to make your breathing sound like an out of key kazoo.
The ability to juggle skunks without being clawed or bitten.
I actually have a useless superpower!
I am immune to brain freezes, just don’t get them no matter how hard I suck on a milkshake straw.
I imagine someday it will come in handy when I have to rescue the world from the Infamous Dr Slurpee and the Legion of Blended Drinks.