My experiences exactly. Exactly.
And in business, part of the rationale has been along the lines of FilmGeek’s statement.
I cannot think of anything that I commonly do that is not generally common practice.
I hear that- A few months ago on a trip, one friend took a call from her husband (jeez, she’d left him about 3 hours before- how could he possibly survive??) and had about a 30 minute call about nonsense in the car. I have to admit that the other girl and I were really irritated. I mean, can you NOT be out of touch for a while and focus on the company you’re with? It happened several times that weekend, and it was really annoying.
[QUOTE=BrotherCadfael]
My mother trained me, when walking on a sidewalk with a lady (or any woman, for that matter) to walk on the street side. That is, to walk between the lady and the street. When we go around a corner, I step BEHIND the lady to again place myself between her and the traffic.
You are not alone. Most of the men I have dated in my life have done that little dance while walking down the street. Maybe they were all old fashioned guys, but I like it. It took me a little while to get the hang of it at first (when I was a teenager), and its especially tricky if your holding hands, but it can be done.
Blech, YES! Why cannot people understand “Person X is in right now - I’ll ring you later”. I now even try to remember to switich off my cellphone if making a landline call due to one person who had great trouble understanding that I was not to to abandon a currently ongoing chat immediately but would phone later. Grrr! "An emergency would be different, of course.
Another one - making phone calls to person A while knowing perfectly well that person A is in fact in my house (for a brief hour or so visit, not for weeks, I mean.) I find it very rude that I should be left to feel in the way in my own home while such a conversation takes place. Obviously, in cases of dire need/ emergency all bets are off.)
A lady will absolutely never ever apply lipstick (or any other type of cosmetic) at the table. I see women do this quite a bit in my restaurant, and it just drives me nuts. However, it is impolite to correct another’s faux pas. So, alas, I must sit and cringe inwardly.
Good lord, I wish I had that problem! I cannot stand a man who shakes my hand like it’s going to break. When I was a bridesmaid and a part of a receiving line and my dad came through and laughed and shook my hand I made him do it again right as a limp handshake is worse than the kiss of death and indicates a lack of respect for a woman.
And I can’t stand the sidewalk dance. I’ve only had one guy really do it to me, but honestly, if you want to be polite let me pick the side of you to walk on. My good eye isn’t always the street-side eye.
In general, etiquette is to not make anybody feel uncomfortable. If the fact that you never, ever let me pay for anything, not even a token something, that makes me very uncomfortable. That makes you a jackass.
Damned if you do…
Damned if you don’t.
Now isn’t that what manners are all about? 
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My husband won’t believe that women, especially me, have bodily functions. No peeing, pooping, farting or burping in front of each other while we’re conscious, unless we’re under extenuating circumstances (or I’m laughing too hard to contain a toot or two). That said, my husband rips the biggest farts while he’s asleep.
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Do not argue in public. Ever. Even if your arguments are as quiet as a whisper or as loud as a barroom brawl, no dissention in public with anyone is ever allowed (this does not, of course, cover giving assholes the finger while driving - that is perfectly allowed
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Never take calls while you’re in the bathroom. But if you must take a call in the bathroom, never talk to someone while you’re on the toilet.
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My mom’s old rule - never go outside without makeup on, even if you’re only answering the door or getting the mail. And never dress in anything less than nice slacks or a skirt - jeans and sweats are only for cleaning or working out, respectively. This isn’t something I actually uphold anymore. After all, I work at home, and I also exercise quite a bit, so wearing makeup and/or nice clothes all the time simply isn’t necessary; however, I still feel incredibly guilty when I wear jeans, especially in front of my mom.
I’ve never, never heard this “rule.” I always offer my hand for a handshake when meeting anyone, male or female. And if I meet someone I know, even if I really, really don’t like him or her, I still offer my hand for a handshake. That’s what I was always taught.
My ettiquette rule: talking in the bathroom. The rule is that there is NO talking while anyone’s privates are exposed. As soon as the zipper goes down, even if you were right in the middle of the most exciting conversation you’ve ever had, there is dead silence. Once the zippers come back up, you can resume conversation.
Yes, it is correct to stand when a lady arrives at your table whether or not she is being introduced. Standing will encourage her to sit down quickly. If she is not joining your party, standing for the introduction will also help keep the conversation short so you can get back to dinner before it gets cold.
I don’t know if Doomtrain does that, but I generally tend to walk on the inside, anyway.
My guess is that he probably holds it at the right level. Most guys hold the coat at shoulder level, which requires you to bring your hands UP to the armholes, a fairly contorted postion. I very conciously hold the coat low enough so that the hands can seek the armholes in a natural position. This is possibly because of my height (6’5’’); if I held it at the natural level for me, the armholes would be at head level!
But the men who don’t extend their hand to you aren’t snubbing you – they were probably taught that some women don’t shake hands, some do; and in this lengthy transitional period, it’s best not to risk offending a non-handshaking woman by forcing her into a handshake. Rather, they wait for the woman to offer her hand, or not, as she chooses. If you are a handshaking woman, you sometimes have to take the initiative with us timid, old-fashioned males. We don’t mind shaking your hand at all; we’re just not sure if you mind.
I also hate both the fish-shake and the bone-crusher. My dad, a professional musician, has had his right hand actually bruised enough times that he now extends his left hand only. Awkward and incorrect, but prevents injury – especially since an upside-down handshake is unusual, and tends to put the bone-crusher on his guard.
I do the street-side quadrille when walking with a woman, too. But I never thought of the panhandler aspect; that’s an excellent point. A new dance step for me to learn.
I always try to introduce, and even re-introduce people who may not know or remember each other. It drives me batty when my husband has a conversation with someone we’ve bumped into, without introducing us. A few weekends ago, he invited someone to a party at our house whom I didn’t know, and failed to inform me. I still feel embarrassed about this person getting an obviously blank, confused look from me when he arrived at my front door.
And a well-placed, “You remember Bill, from my volleyball team . . .” is immensely helpful, especially when I met Bill once three years ago, and he’s since shaved his beard, cut his hair, and lost 50 pounds.
I too never heard of the handshake rule. Now at least I’ll understand if it does happen, but until now, if a man offered to shake my male companion’s hand, and then failed to offer a hand to me, I would have taken it to be unbelievably rude. In a business situation (I’m a lawyer), I would have taken it as sexist - an extension of the uncountable times I was referred to as a male partner’s “assistant.”
In general, I agree with elfbabe. I am a fully competent adult. My arms and legs work. Under normal circumstances, I don’t need help putting on a coat or opening a car door, and if someone leaps to help me solely because I’m female, I view it as condescending.
If someone gets a door for me when I’m pushing a stroller or when my arms are full of packages, I’m grateful. But I assume they would do the same for a man in similar circumstances.
I live in San Diego and have been through most of Southern California at one time or another and have never seen an ‘air kiss’ used as a greeting. Apparently the ‘air kiss’ is either some Northern/Central California standard, or something that only your family does. There are a lot of major cultural differences between Northern, Central and Southern California, and to be honest, it always bugs me a little when people say things like “Out in California, where x is the way of doing things…”. Where do said relatives live, more specifically?
On handshakes-
I’m a guy, and I generally assume girls don’t want to shake my hand until and unless they extend their hand for shaking (in social situations, at least). Not really anything I was ‘taught’, I just figure that handshakes are a mostly male tradition and that women shouldn’t be forced into participating in it but should have the choice to if they wish. And I would probably feel uncomfortable if I were a woman meeting a man and the man extended his hand for a handshake.
Well said, and absolutely true.
On another note, I seem to be one of my only friends who tips. I usually say something about it the first time I see a particular friend buy something or pay for some service without tipping, but after that I figure it’s not really my problem. I usually overtip, sometimes horrendously so. (This has the beneficial effect of ensuring that I always get good service at any place I’ve been to before.) Tipping doesn’t seem to be a social standard anymore–just something people do when they feel nice. I’ve actually been told “Oh, you didn’t have to do that” by cashiers when tipping them. Very interesting.
Much like Indygrrl, my bathroom conversation does not extend much past “hello”. (Unless there’s something being discussed in there that can’t be discussed in ‘public’, like drug deals. I have a dealer friend who refers to the bathroom at school as his “office”. 
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(bolding mine)
That sounds like a pretty distracting thing to be doing while driving.
I never learned the handshake rule, and now, like another poster, I’m worried that I’ve appeared rude to people without knowing it. Oh well, I’ll try to remember it.
But on a similar line (and I’m a little surprised no one else has mentioned this one), my father taught me that a gentleman never greets or recognizes a lady in public, especially if she’s with other people. He waits for the lady to greet and recognize him. (The rationale is that she may not wish others to know that she is acquainted with a ruffian such as yourself, so it’s up to her to acknowledge the acquaintance.) Like many others, this rule wouldn’t necessarily apply in business settings.
I was taught the thing about walking on the street side, and I’ve done it occasionally, but I don’t always remember.
Here are some more of the sex-specific things elfbabe doesn’t like. (I don’t practice them unfailingly, but I learned them as a youngster and they haven’t been mentioned here yet.)
When a gentleman is driving and the lady is a passenger, the gentleman opens the car door for the lady and closes it after she gets in. (Opening it for her when they arrive seems to have fallen by the wayside now, except perhaps in very formal situations.) However, I have gone out with ladies (a few years younger than me) who didn’t like this and asked me to stop. (DIYD, DIYD.)
A gentleman rises whenever a lady enters or leaves a room, or the table, if the party is at dinner.
At a restaurant, if the host/hostess is seating the couple, the gentleman allows the host/hostess to lead, and follows behind the lady. If there is no host/hostess, the gentleman leads the way to a table.
A gentleman never leaves his gloves on when shaking someone’s hand. In a formal setting, when she is wearing long white gloves, a lady leaves them on to shake hands. But if they’re ordinary winter gloves, or driving gloves, etc., the lady removes them before shaking hands.
As for paying for meals and things, I don’t mind if a lady wants to split the check or even pick up the tab once in a while. I was taught that the person who issues the invitation should expect to pay, which once meant that the gentleman always paid. What cheeses me off these days is women who insist on always splitting the check, as if they’re worried that letting me pay even once in a while will “give me ideas.” I just find it uncomfortable to make a big deal out of the money. My favorite procedure is to trade off treating one another, without making it into a big deal about who paid last, and who paid how much.
You tip cashiers? They’re right: You didn’t have to do that.
By “cashier” I meant “operator of cash register, general” and I didn’t say I tip all operators of cash registers, I meant that I tip some of them when it’s appropriate and some of those have said something about it. Let me be a little more clear: I don’t tip a supermarket cashier, but I would tip someone operating the cash register at a flower shop, pizzeria, coffee shop, etc., because they’re usually also the person making or otherwise preparing my flowers/pizza/coffee/whatever, and thus are actually providing a service, not just pressing some buttons on the cash register. That is, I tip at the cash register at the kind of place where one would tip at cash registers.
And now you will appear rude to an entirely DIFFERENT set of people! Oh dear… Can’t say I envy you.
Hey! Hey! Let’s not jump to conclusions!
1 - I’ve had this done to me. It’s weird. I can’t say I HATE it, I just find it odd.
2 - Now, this just makes me uncomfortable. I realize people are doing it to be polite, but it’s not something I’m really fond of. Luckily, I don’t normally associate with people who do this, or I’d probably choose to avoid/flee the group or avoid standing so no one else has to stand up. But then, I am no social butterfly and I HATE inconveniencing people.
3 - Eh? This one I can’t say I’d even really notice.
4 - You think I associate with people who wear gloves of the non-winter kind? You can do whatever you’d like with your gloves, it’s going to go completely over my head.
Well, according to Miss Manners, ladies used to reciprocate with things like a fancy dinner at home, theater tickets, and whatnot. But since that’s no longer the custom, inviter-pays or treating one another in an established relationship seems best to me. As for the women who always insist on splitting the check… well, according to capacitor’s post in the thread about ladies’ night in bars, something like 78% of men expect… something… in return for paying for a date. I’ve dated someone like this, it isn’t fun. If I were still in the dating pool, I think I’d prefer to pay rather than trusting that my date either didn’t expect nookie or wouldn’t press the issue.
Another one: When a restaurant hostess takes a man and woman to their table, the man will give the woman the seat with the better view. For instance, if they’re giving a seat near the back of the restaurant, the man will face the wall.
Unless, that is, you’re part of the Soprano family, in which case, the male faces the front, clutching his piece with one hand while eating his pasta with the other.
>> What about opening the car door for a female? I open the door when we’re going somewhere, but not when we exit/alight from the car. The latter is a bit much, as if I’m hanging with Queen Elizabeth.