Poisonous snakes for sale

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

You don’t expect to see “Venomous snakes for sale” in your local newspaper very often.

Okay, maybe YOU do, if you live in Snakeland, and snakes are what you use for money or something. Where I live, though, we usually try to avoid snakes, especially poisonous ones. Our attitude is something like Samuel L. Jackson’s in the famous documentary movie Snakes on a Plane: “I’m tired of these (Very Bad Word) snakes in my (Very Bad Word) state!”

Because for most of us, it’s not enough to keep snakes away from our home, or our neighborhood, or our city, or our county. No, we want snakes completely out of our state. We want our state to be like Ireland, except with barbecue.

The problem is, I live in a state (Alabama) that has EVERY SINGLE ONE of the four types of dangerous snakes in the U.S.: live ones, dead ones, big ones and little ones.

No, seriously, the four types are rattlesnake, cottonmouth, coral snake and copperhead (so named because it has a design on its back that looks just like Abraham Lincoln’s profile on the penny). These four snakes make up the Axis of Evil on our continent, and most people with at least half a brain (along with over 30 percent of our state politicians) avoid them whenever possible. We even have school programs to help kids identify the dangerous snakes, in which an old man and his wife bring a variety of snakes to the school in cages and then show the snakes to the schoolkids. This will let you know how stupid we are in this state when it comes to dangerous snakes – we want to AVOID them, so we pay a man to actually BRING THEM CLOSE TO KIDS.

These programs also outline the Three Basic Steps to Avoid Getting Bitten:

  1. If you see a snake, run.
  2. Don’t stop to look more closely at it. Just run.
  3. Scream like a girl while you’re running, even if you are, in fact, male.

So we don’t like snakes in Alabama, and that’s why it amazed me to read the story in the paper about two guys who were importing MORE venomous snakes into the state and selling them over the Internet.

The story, written by Thomas Spencer, said officers from the Alabama Department of Conservation and Natural Resources (ADCNR) arrested two men who were “buying and selling highly venomous non-native snakes”. The officers found 13 rattlesnakes, including two from Venezuela. That’s right – they have rattlesnakes in Venezuela. Officers said the two Venezuelan snakes “curled protectively around some cans of oil and bore a striking resemblance to Hugo Chavez.”

No, I’m just kidding about that last part. But the story was quite alarming, even without Chavez-look-alike rattlesnakes. According to Spencer’s story (and you just KNOW his mother is proud of him, don’t you? “My son writes for The Birmingham News. He covers the snake beat.” Which, if true, means that whatever they’re paying the guy, it ain’t near enough), one of the snakes was the Mojave rattlesnake, which has the most dangerous venom of any rattlesnake in North America.

So, basically, these two morons were not happy with the selection of venomous snakes we have locally in Alabama; no, they were actively seeking out other kinds of deadly snakes to bring here, so they could sell them to OTHER morons. Because if there’s one thing we need more of in Alabama, it’s poisonous snakes. Why, just the other day I was remarking to my lovely and talented wife, Kristin, “My dear, I haven’t seen a good Mojave rattlesnake in many years. I wish we had one locally we could purchase for the kids to play with.”

Which raises another question: Is there really a MARKET for these things? I mean, I could understand paying somebody to get RID of the snakes, but why would you want to give up your hard-earned money to bring them closer to you? And is a snake worth more if it can kill you with one bite? “Naw, you don’t want that little coral snake there. That thing would have to chew on you for a good five minutes to kill you. Now, THIS baby over here, all it’s gotta do is lick you with its tongue, and you’ll keel over deader’n a doornail. ‘Course, it costs a lot more, but it’s worth it.”

I’m assuming the people who buy these things aren’t married, either. I can’t imagine striding through the door of my house with a big smile on my face, exclaiming, “Honey, you know how I was stumped on what to get you for our anniversary? Well, GUESS WHAT!”

Thanks to the foresight of the Alabama Department of Conservation and Natural Resources, it’s illegal to sell or trade non-indigenous poisonous snakes without a permit. (“Earl, I’ll trade you my king cobra for your motorcycle.” “Can’t do it, Ralph. That’s illegal.” “It’s ahight, I got me a permit.”) And in the News story, Allan Andress of the ADCNR said his department is always on the lookout for illegal trade in “newspapers, trade journals, the Internet and tips from the public.”

So apparently there are trade journals for selling poisonous snakes. Talk about a specialty market. I bet the fold-out centerfolds in those things are a sight to behold. “Check out the scalesssss on Missssss Sssseptember!”

Maybe Thomas Spencer writes for the trade journals. He could make a killing.

2

It’s not really that surprising. All of the pet shops carry scorpions, and they aren’t nearly as cute and pettable.

3

Mushroom…Mushroom…Oooooh a Snake! :slight_smile:

4

One nitpick. It’s “venomous” not poisonous:

And to answer the OP, sure there’s a market. There’s a market for just about anything. A buddy of mine has four “hot” snakes: a cottonmouth, a copperhead, a death adder, and a cape cobra. They are kept in padlocked enclosures and only handled with a snake hook, not “freehand”. He is a reptile collector with something of a private menagerie of snakes and invertebrates.

Sure, they can kill you. So can a big dog in the wrong situation, and so can a horse. So long as knowledgeable folks are handling them responsibly I see far less concern with the keeping of hot snakes than, say, large predators. This jackass I know has a pet tiger and mountain lion, amongst other things. Why do I have an objection to the private keeping of big cats and not hot snakes? Because it’s relatively easy to provide a sufficient environment for the keeping of a snake. The tiger lives in a concrete floored, chainlink enclosure–following legal requirements, of course, but what a terrible life for those cats.

5

We have toads, which are slightly poisonous, but not venomous. (Just don’t eat one.)

Anyway, I have to drop by the local pet shop that specializes in reptiles and such to get crickets about once a week, and, I can tell you, if that shop sold venomous snakes, they have customers that would buy one.

6

Having grown up in WV, snake-handling churches immediately sprang to mind. The Wiki article on snake handling only lists one church in Alabama, though, which hardly seems enough to support a black market for exotic venomous snakes.

7

Potato, potahto. It’s a SNAKE. Satan’s little handpuppet.

8

There’s definitely a market for venomous snakes, although it’s not a big one. Back when I was an undergrad in college (this was only about three years ago), I lived with a roommate who had a venomous permit and an exotic pet store. Although he didn’t sell venomous in the local store (permit for just displaying venomous snakes in FL is about $1000-- make the check out to the governor, please [sub]no, seriously, that was the requirement. Roomie didn’t want to be giving Jeb Bush money for no reason, so no dice.[/sub]), he had a large-ish stock of them at home for his interest and also for sale on the internet.

Yes, it’s not the safest thing to have in the house, but with proper knowledge and best practices at all times, it is entirely possible to never get bitten and never have a venomous snake escape. It’s also good to be very knowledgeable about things like strike distance and features of the individual snake you’re dealing with. IMO, Elapids = scary, while pit vipers = not as scary.

The coolest snakes I got to see as part of living with this person were both from West Africa: the Gaboon Viper and the Rhinoceros Viper. The Egyptian Cobra wasn’t so bad, but the spitting cobra was kind of cool too. (Kingsnake has a reasonably good resource for looking up these animals.)

9

There are a few churches in the Sand Mountain area of Alabama (northeast corner of the state) that still handle snakes. The practice isn’t widespread any more, though.

nashiitashii: I’m sure it’s POSSIBLE to have snakes in one’s house (or yard, or city, or county, or state, or whatever) and not get bitten, but why take that chance? It’s POSSIBLE to walk around outdoors and never get hit by a meteorite, too, but boy, when it DOES happen, it leaves a mark. That’s why I carry an umbrella with me at all times.

10

I wouldn’t live with the guy again, or in a house with that many venomous snakes, but it’s really just because the cage cleanings were a pain and made the house smell bad. It’s not for everyone, but really, the guy’s schooling was in herpetology, so it’s obviously his interest. There are lots of people who like to do somewhat dangerous things, and keeping animals that bite happen to be one of them. Do you chastise people who own dogs too? They also bite, and bite more often than most owners’ snakes.

Besides, the people who think the only good snake is a dead snake are the stupid pansies that are running the rattlesnake roundups. Really, is capturing a whole bunch of any animal for the sake of killing them and partying helping the ecosystem maintain its balance? None of them know what they’re doing, and all they’re guaranteeing is that they’re going to get bitten by an animal that wouldn’t be bothering them if they left them the hell alone in the first place.

11

Actually, I do. If I know someone who owns a dog that has no legs, no fur, slithers on the ground, hisses a lot, flicks its tongue out to taste the air, and never blinks, I chastise them. Most harshly. I tell them, “Hey, goofball … Fido there isn’t a dog, so that leash isn’t gonna do you any good.”

12

The permit fee for possession of venomous snakes in Florida depends upon the number of animals, but is only (“only” is a relative word, I realize) $150 for a small number. Commercial quantities would be higher.

But the $1,000 you remember is for the bond. The bonding requirement was intended as a reimbursement to the State if you screwed up and cost it any money-- perhaps because of an escape, or by allowing someone to be bitten. Florida Fish & Wildlife Conservation Commission (FWC) has recently raised the bonding requirement to $10,000- a more realistic amount these days.

Some venomous snakes are beautiful. Some exhibit really interesting behaviors. For the careful specialist, possession isn’t so strange. But for the macho idiot who just wants to play with fire, I agree. Get a cat.

Right now, in addition to our own collection of native species both venomous and not, I’m holding some puff adders and some spitting cobras for FWC. They were confiscated from just such a moron who had neither skills, experience, nor permits and I’ll house them until the court case is settled. After which, they’ll probably be donated to us by the court.

13

I’m always amused when Sauron’s threads get such earnest, serious replies. :stuck_out_tongue:

Ssssssssss!

14

I think I’m doing something wrong. Maybe I should make a funnier face when I type, or something.

15

Right there with you. I’m dying here as I read the posts, and then I hit a humour bump or two. At least it gives me a chance to catch my breath.

16

You can’t compare dogs and snakes. Dogs bond to their owners. Snakes don’t. I have had many dogs that I have trusted to never bite me and they haven’t. I have had dogs that have lived long lives and never showed any aggression, never growled or even bared their teeth. I have had dogs that have had unconditional love for all humans and could be trusted around small children. I have had dogs that would let me put my hand in their bowls while they eat, and all they would do is take a step backward and sit. I’m sure there are many expert snake owners who handle their snakes responsibly and with intelligence, and have the competence to never get bitten. But you can never trust a snake. Not all dogs can be trusted, sure, and a family pet is more likely to bite. But in my personal experience, it hasn’t been a concern. My dogs have never viewed me as food or as an intruder into their personal space or threat to their safety. And a dog can’t inject enough venom into a bite to kill 100 humans. A dog bite might necessitate a visit to the ER, but you don’t need a specific anti-venin to counteract against one’s bite.

17

Well, to be fair, you CAN compare dogs to snakes … but it requires a protractor, an overhead projector, and the engine from a 1973 Mustang.

18

It’s as if we’re Norm Maclean watching our brother work from the river’s edge.

I am haunted by picked peas.

19

What the FUCK is a rattlesnake round up? I’d google it, but I’m severely snake-phobic, and there’s no way I could handle looking at the photos.

And another question-how do snakes mate, anyways?

shudder

20

Just a quick post to say that this:

made me fall a little in love with you.

Yes, you are firmly ensconsed on my **Must Read Whenever They Post ** list.