Poll for the single men.

[Sunspace]

Damn, tdn. That was good.

:: prints out and saves post #120, and also post #78 ::

[tdn]

Thanks!

[The_Tao_s_Revenge]

@tdn

I’ve made a few of observations that you guys may find interesting or helpful.

For one, when I was horrible at this stuff, I was amazed at how many women had boyfriends. “Oh, that’s sweet, but I have a boyfriend” was something that I heard all the time. When I started adopting a better attitude, suddenly fewer and fewer women were attached. The Stupid dice started changing into Lucky dice. I had an experience a few weeks ago where I saw a certain very cute woman several times a week. She always made it a point to say hello, even when it was inconvenient for her to do so. I finally decided to talk to her and find out who she is. As it turns out she owns a house, and oh yeah, something about a roommate, and oh yeah, he’s been living in the house for yada yada mumble mumble. I think she was trying to hide that she has a boyfriend! Now, I have no interest in breaking up relationships. I won’t go down that path. But isn’t it interesting that the number of women in relationships goes down as your confidence goes up?

For another thing, a lot of guys say “I want women to love me for who I am” or “I don’t want to manipulate women just to get them to like me.” Well guess what? When you don’t do the inner work on yourself, you are NOT who you really are, and you already ARE manipulating women. Working on this stuff is a path to authenticity, and that’s a powerful aphrodesiac. A woman of quality can tell when you’re faking it.

If you haven’t learned this stuff and you try talking to women, you come off as trying to take something from them. When you’ve got your life together, every interaction that you have is a gift to them. It’s like handing out ice cream on a hot day.

I’ve read on this board that the only women pathetic enough to fall for this stuff must have really low self-esteem. No! When you get this stuff, you start to learn to weed out the women who are going to be bad for you. You start to feel like you deserve the type of women that feel like they deserve the best.

Lastly, since getting this stuff is not really about getting chicks but being the best version of you that you can be, you’ll start to see every other area of your life improve. Your job, your friendships, your family relationships, and your overall happiness will skyrocket.

I hope that was useful. I’m loving life right now.

…

…

Wow.

I’m going to set google calendar to show me this post everyday. It just crystallized ideas and things about this I’d been struggling with for months, and showed me the way. Thanks

[Covered_In_Bees]

tdn, you have a private message good sir.

Tao’s Revenge: Don’t you already know all that?

[tdn]

@The_Tao_s_Revenge

I’m going to set google calendar to show me this post everyday. It just crystallized ideas and things about this I’d been struggling with for months, and showed me the way. Thanks

Awesome! Maybe some day I’ll teach this stuff. I think that’s many years off, though.

[The_Tao_s_Revenge]

@Covered_In_Bees

tdn, you have a private message good sir.

Tao’s Revenge: Don’t you already know all that?

No I’ve been described as an outsider looking in, is apt description if I ever heard one.

Knowing and understanding are different things. I knew alot of stuff, but now I understand why it applies and why the direction I was going was kinda wrong and kinda right.

I took a break from the dating world to understand myself, and respect myself. Aside from a geek chick who turned out to “have a boyfriend” I had few interests during this time. This was a good direction, but what was a bad direction was the way inwhich I went about it. I let myself slip back into my natural vices. For example shyness and social awkwardness are natural parts of me, why should I change? It would be UnNatural™ to be anything else, or so I figured.

The mistake of that is respecting myself means pushing myself to improve, not letting myself go. That drive to make myself more then I was has been a part of me for many years. It has come to define me.

Trying to improve my attractiveness was part of that drive. I did it for me. I liked being desirable. During my long walk in the woods I questioned whether it was really me. “Am I wearing this because I like it or cause it looks good according to my improved fashion sense?”. Ultimately I can never understand nor respect myself by ignoring that drive.

Also I hated the idea of it being a process. I thought maybe I could reject the rules. I have a habit of breaking rules and getting away with it, by either being very good intentioned and/or very entertaining while doing it*. However this isn’t one of those breakable rules. Atleast not yet.

I must return to that drive to improve, or stagnate.

[tdn]

@The_Tao_s_Revenge

I must return to that drive to improve, or stagnate.

Exactly!

Life is growth. Without growth, life closely resembles death.

[Sunspace]

@tdn

But isn’t it interesting that the number of women in relationships goes down as your confidence goes up?

I’ve been thinking a lot about the nature of confidence, and how to acquire it. It’s not something that can be faked; that just comes across as a brittle surface layer of bravado that has nothing to back it up if it’s punctured. Confidence is inner certainty born of experience.

So how does one acquire confidence? Through little steps, one after the other, in the desired direction, with small successes one after the other.

For instance, thanks to a storm bringing down streetcar wires this morning and insufficient communications, there was confusion on the streetcars and buses near where I live. I ended up helping two pretty Filipina women find the way to where they were going. And an exceedingly cute white woman–brunette, big eyes and elfin features–joined us as well. We found the way to where we were going, and meeting them made me feel better all day. Evidently I’m not as much of a troll as I feel like sometimes.

Interestingly, I noticed that the third woman felt okay to speak with me only after she saw me speaking to the first two women.

@tdn

For another thing, a lot of guys say “I want women to love me for who I am” or “I don’t want to manipulate women just to get them to like me.” Well guess what? When you don’t do the inner work on yourself, you are NOT who you really are, and you already ARE manipulating women. Working on this stuff is a path to authenticity, and that’s a powerful aphrodesiac. A woman of quality can tell when you’re faking it.

Somebody said, “Be yourself. But be the best of all your possible selves.”

@tdn

If you haven’t learned this stuff and you try talking to women, you come off as trying to take something from them. When you’ve got your life together, every interaction that you have is a gift to them. It’s like handing out ice cream on a hot day.

This is important. If you can imagine yourself as being able to give something of value, rather than always almost being in a begging position psychologically, that’s a huge change. And it’s so difficult for many people to do this, who grew up thinking of themselves as unworthy worms. But little steps, little steps…

@tdn

I’ve read on this board that the only women pathetic enough to fall for this stuff must have really low self-esteem. No! When you get this stuff, you start to learn to weed out the women who are going to be bad for you. You start to feel like you deserve the type of women that feel like they deserve the best.

Lastly, since getting this stuff is not really about getting chicks but being the best version of you that you can be, you’ll start to see every other area of your life improve. Your job, your friendships, your family relationships, and your overall happiness will skyrocket.

Emphatic agreement.

[tdn]

@Sunspace

Somebody said, “Be yourself. But be the best of all your possible selves.”

Or transform into your best stuff.

Isn’t there some parable about a poor man who spent his whole like sitting on a chest full of gold?

This is important. If you can imagine yourself as being able to give something of value, rather than always almost being in a begging position psychologically, that’s a huge change.

Yes. It’s about having an attitude of abundance instead of one of scarcity. If you think there’s not enough (of anything, not just love) to go around, you start to act in ways that are self-destructive. You act jealous and insecure, or greedy. If you have a scarcity of good feelings, you’ll try to take them from others. But if you’re overflowing with good feelings, you can afford to give them away like lolipops.

[tdn]

:rolleyes:

Or transform into your best self.

Isn’t there some parable about a poor man who spent his whole life sitting on a chest full of gold?

And for God’s sake, learn how to type!

[The_Understander]

tdn, that right there is some great advice, and it really speaks to where I am right now. Getting the girl is not as important as getting the good life–family, friendship, career, activity… I’ve always liked a line in Luther Vandross’ Don’t Want To Be a Fool:

Originally posted by One Soulful Brother
And if I don’t find nobody, then that will be all right with me.

I think that’s really a helpful attitude to have, though I’d just add the word ‘too’ at the end of that, because let’s face it there’s a reason a lot of us (guys and girls included) make fools out of ourselves for even a chance at romantic love… it’s damn nice when it works! But if you aren’t able to live a fulfilled life… even what you do find can turn sour quickly.

[tdn]

@Sleeps_With_Butterflies

Oh I know that, no worries! If I was fat it might sting, but then again if I was fat I’d have been foolish to start with the teasing about it. Plus, if my bank account could talk it would tell you that it wishes I’d shop at Goodwill

I thought it was funny, so no worries.

I forgive you.

If this goes great, one of us is going to have to change our user names. I refuse to change mine to “Butterflies.”

[Sleeps_With_Butterflies]

@tdn

I forgive you.

If this goes great, one of us is going to have to change our user names. I refuse to change mine to “Butterflies.”

That’s never going to be necessary.

[Covered_In_Bees]

@Sleeps_With_Butterflies

That’s never going to be necessary.

If you sleep with butterflies, wouldn’t you wake up with a bunch of the poor flutterers squished and stuck to your face and other exposed parts of skin?

Just askin’.

How lame does it make me that I actually laughed out loud at the mental image of someone waking up with a bunch of butterflies stuck to them?

[tdn]

@Sleeps_With_Butterflies

That’s never going to be necessary.

Thank GOD! It was starting to feel like a freakin’ wedding band! I love that you let me have my freedom.

[tdn]

@Baby_Driver

Is it at all telling that this thread has considerably more responses than the sister thread asking for the ladies’ opins?

Yes, come to think of it. This thread has tons of learning in it. I’m getting massive emotional nourishment here. Anyone else? Is this fantastic or what?

[tdn]

I just got a newsletter in my inbox this morning. I haven’t finished reading it it yet, but this part caught my eye:

@Michael Marks

We are what we constantly think and do.

By the way, this has massive applications beyond
your inner game as well, it will help you become
attractive and get a quality woman as well in the
sense that a quality woman wants a man who
has CONVICTION and PASSION with regard
to integrity, honesty, etc, so you can also surround
yourself with messages that HIGHLIGHT these
things as well, which will make you become
the living EMBODIMENT of not only confidence,
but also INTEGRITY.

And like attracts like, so this will attract the same
kind of woman.

This guy blows my mind.

[Sunspace]

@tdn

I just got a newsletter in my inbox this morning. I haven’t finished reading it it yet, but this part caught my eye…

Just reiterating that ‘surrounding oneself with messages’ is all very well, but the messages have to arise naturally from what is within.

Actually, I guess that we always surround ourselves with messages. Only by changing what is within do we change the messages without.

Now I want to go out and get a new wardrobe. I’m not fitting very well into my existing one anymore.

[Sleeps_With_Butterflies]

@tdn

Thank GOD! It was starting to feel like a freakin’ wedding band! I love that you let me have my freedom.

Is this part of the dating technique?

Part 2: Insist there is something there even when there is nothing!

[tdn]

@Sleeps_With_Butterflies

Is this part of the dating technique?

Part 2: Insist there is something there even when there is nothing!

No. That was more a personal learning for my own benefit. One thing that’s been a problem for me is accepting defeat too easily and taking it too personally. I think there were a lot of times in my life when I’d interpret things negatively when I really didn’t need to. So this idea of turning things around and keeping them fun is an important skill for me to nurture.

So joking around with you was really good for me. Thank you! You’ve been awesome.