I recently heard it said that, in general, men have a tendency to make more eye contact with someone they’re listening to than with someone they’re talking to. And that with women, the tendency is reversed. That is, women tend to make more eye contact when speaking, and less when listening. Just tendencies, mind you, and just generalities.
That said, I usually shrug off these kinds of things when I hear them, but I can’t help noticing that it’s pretty much true, at least in my experience. And speaking for myself, I do indeed tend to make more eye contact when listening to someone talk to me than I do when I’m speaking to them. And I’ve noticed that in others, it generally holds as well. With my wife, for example, so long as she’s talking, we both usually maintain eye contact. But if I’m talking, when I see her in my field of vision, I notice that, in listening, she’s mostly looking away.
What about you and people you know. Does this hold true for you in general as well? Please state your gender and your tendency with eye contact while speaking and while listening, and also what you observe in others. Thanks.
Something that could be a factor is that it is uncomfortable to look each other directly in the eye during a talk. So, I tend to look at my partners face when he is not looking at me, and I look away soon after when his eyes return to my face. FWIW: While lookign away when formulating, most people’s eyes return to the others face at the end of a sentence, as a signal that they are done tallking.
So, it could be a matter of who “sets” the rythm of looking-not looking, and who follows. Maybe that is more af an individua matter then a gender-matter.
Do you get the same pattern you noticed when you, as a guy, talk to guys?
My $.02 on this is that women tend to be better multi-taskers. My wife can be listening to me, but also looking at something else, or even doing something else with her hands.
When I’m listening to her I look at her. If I were to try and look at something else or do something else I’d be distracted by it too much.
I’m a guy. I think that I look people in they eye pretty much all the time when I talk to them, but I’ll look away from time to time when I’m listening to someone, unless I know them well.
Yes, typically when he’s talking I’m looking in his eyes but he is looking all about, as though searching for words in the room. But when I’m talking, it’s the reverse. And again, I don’t mean that every single moment of time I am either locked onto his eyes or averting them. It’s just a general tendency, for me at least.
It occured to me that someone might say something like that, but only for an instant until I realized that I wasn’t on Fark. Please just respond to the poll if you’re going to post. Thanks.
As a man who has been fighting off my shyness with an axe handle for many years, I strive to maintain eye contact with the person I’m speaking to. It forces me to be less distant. When I’m talking to a woman, it also keeps my from staring at her tits.
However, some people take it for flirting. More than once, I’ve had a guy get riled because he thought I was coming on to his girl.
Long ago, when college profs were trying to get me to be a teacher, I learned of a cultural difference between black and white children. Black children look down as a gesture of respect, when talking to an authority figure. It drives some white teachers batty, and they waste time saying, “Look at me when I talk to you.”
I tend to stare off into the distance when talking. I like to think this makes me look sage and wistful. In reality, I probably look like I need my neck re-aligned.
I probably maintain eye contact more often when listening.
Well, I wasn’t trying to be . . . FARKy. Honestly. I was at work, and as I was trying to come up with some theory about why the whole eye contact thing might apply in certain ways to certain groups of people, I was interrupted, so I just hit “Submit” really quickly and then turned around to see what my coworker needed.
So. To answer your poll, I’d agree with what Maastricht said. That, and the fact that I tend to get really distracted by facial expressions. So if I’m talking, I can better concentrate on what I’m saying and get to my point if I look at something neutral, like a lamp. Otherwise, I’m thinking, “Her left eye just twitched. Does that mean that I’ve just offended her?”, etc. On the other hand, I find it easier to “read” people (and catch any “subtext”) when they’re talking if I’m looking at facial expressions.
I don’t know if that’s a gender thing, though (despite what some people might say about women being more attuned to non-verbal cues or whatever). Again, I agree with Maastricht that it could just be an individual thing.
When talking, I often find it difficult to concentrate if I am looking at a person - especially when it is a left brain conversation. I am very visual, so am easily distracted by visuals.
When listening, it is not a problem, since listening requires less brain power. Thus I can spend more time looking at the person, which is a good thing because most of what a person ‘says’ is communicated visually.