Poltergeist? Haunting? HELP!!

This could be a long post so let me begin by saying I am seeking help,
I understand completely many people beliefs are different and this entire post could seem like the ramblings of insane person.
Genuine advice, or some kind of explanation I what I am seeking with this post, I am tired but cannot sleep with fear!!

Some months ago I felt I was the target of some kind of spiritual entity, at work I would see giant sweeping black figures cross the kitchen (I am a chef) with continual feeling of being watched, my phone would untouched fly across the room from one side to another (witnessed by a colleague) and taps which were broken turn on at full pelt. Combined with sometimes while sleeping or just before the sensation of being strangled or someone bearing their weight upon me left me with a genuine fear of what was happening. And lastly one morning last winter my mother was deicing the car while I was inside, I stepped into our living room and flicked the switch when the lights began to flash in a bizarre fashion until my mother came back inside when they returned to normal. We have experienced nothing similar before or since. I was so terrified I asked my mum to come to work with me and we laid salt down around the doors and I kept salt in my pockets (unsure what else to do) until last week that was all that happened and I began to feel safe and try to laugh it off as a joke though still deeply worried by it…

Until last Saturday morning (I start at 5:30 and am alone until 8am) I saw the black figure leaning round a door way with it’s hand around the wall and bright shining White eyes lit out of the smoggy figure. I felt no fear so convinced myself to remain calm and felt no prolonged sense of being watched. Later on I left the kitchen to visit out freezer room an left the door on the latch, but when I returned the door was locked, it had been changed only days before and has worked completely fine but was self locking before replaced…
And lastly today I was visiting a friend for the afternoon, I woke up at 9am got ready and cleaned my bedroom an made my bed before leaving at 2pm. My family was all out by the time I left, my father returning at 7pm and myself at 10pm but he never goes in my room (but I did ask)
On returning my bed was still made and still tidy bar my ashtray which the contents of was all over the floor and my new rug!! However the ashtray was away from the spillage and the right way up, as if placed out the way deliberately with no ash or cigarette butts anywhere near it. Stranger still my bed which was made was very wet in the middle, the top was bone dry, it had no distict smell and was clear, my room when shut is unopenable by my cats and none were inside before or after.
Our ceiling does not leak and we have no problems with damp, The bed was dry before I left as I made it and always sweet the bottom sheet so I certainly didn’t pee!!
Might be relevant that it is the side I sleep on?? And I noticed last week a giant puddle in my room underneath a pile of clothes but didn’t think too much about it assumed I had spilt something but could be relevant??
Please any help would be greatly received I am scared witless as to what this means and what avenues I can take as to help ?!?

Sorry for any funny spelling I’m writing this from my phone and am very tired.

This won’t end well.

The part I can’t believe is that you wrote this all on a phone???!! That IS crazy.

Oh, dear…

You shouldn’t smoke in bed.

Your mother is doing all of this. She told me that she’s tired of you living at home, even though you are grown up and work as a chef, and she’s sick of you peeing the bed. She wants you out.

This might be a good first read: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hypnagogia

That IS Gordon Ramsey, and I claim my £5…

Do you really blame the cats? Nobody wants to be sniffin’ spectre nectar… :eek:

Dude, wash them Immediately after the work out. After smelling week-old funk, I wouldn’t blame the cats if the Did piss on your bed…
…or try to bury you in sand.

This may not be the board you want.

JREF perhaps? :cool:

If the poltergeist is just screwing around flickering lights, throwing things and dumping ashtrays, what’s so frightening about it? The electricity and cleaning bills?

Seriously, not trying to be an ass, but I never got that about ghosts. They basically just act like annoying two year old dicks. I’ve never heard any story about someone actually being killed (or even seriously injured) by a ghost even after years of hauntings, so what’s there to really be afraid of?

  1. Set up cameras.
  2. Realize that HOLY SHIT there really is a ghost.
  3. Make fucking millions on the discovery.
  4. Chill in your new giant mansion, if mr creepy crawly follows you move to different room in your 50 room house.

Alternate path:

  1. Set up cameras.
  2. Replay the tapes.
  3. Realize that everything you saw was actually just something boring and explainable and move on with your life with a new peace of mind.

Ridiculous! There’s no such thing as ghosts!

It’s clearly aliens.

I’ve always wondered if there was a name for this kind of joke (dismiss something ridiculous and counter straight-faced with something equally or more ridiculous). It’s just so common it feels like it should have a name.

George

What kind of ‘cigarettes’ do you smoke. If you get my drift.

Dress yourself up and your dog up as service industry workers, like waitstaff or hairdressers, and confuse the ghost be serving him dinner or giving him a perm. Then, when he wises up and chases you, lead him into the trap that your friends have set for him, at which time you can unmask him. My money’s on the shady old character who wanted to buy your land to expand his haunted amusement park.

You know ghosts won’t follow you across a body of water right? Simple answer is to move to the UK. Contact their embassy and tell them you are seeking asylum and explain your reasons as you have above. Come to think about it, you might have better luck at the French embassy.

I think it was Umkay!

Irony?