Oooh! Up above, I meant to say that I have no objections to polyamory. I’m sorry if I offended any polyamorous people. I have no bones with you.
It’s interesting to me that you are comparing poly relationships with mono marriages. If you look at monogamous relationships (not marriages) I would say that they are pretty fragile- otherwise everyone would end up with their first partner ever. Very few people find a forever partnership with their first partner ever.
NB: I’m not poly, but I have friends who are (as I said above) . Maybe those who are see their poly relationships as more fragile than their “main” relationships- I don’t know for sure.
Okay, I know they have conferences about every single thing under the sun these days, but what’s a poly conference like?
Poly relationships do seem like something not everybody could do, though. Jealous types and such. I can see why some people would consider them unstable, just because if they were in one it would be unstable.
Of course, some people can’t do mono relationships either, but I’d say that set is smaller.
There’s a lot of 3-way calling?
Most relationships, poly or otherwise, are not permanent. It sounds like you’re comparing all poly relationships with monogamous marriage - but, of course, the vast majority of relationships a poly person enters into are not going to be permanent, any more than the vast majority of relationships a monogamous person gets into aren’t going to be permanent. A monogamous person might date Andy, then Brenda, then Carl, then Diane, not staying with any of them for more than maybe a year or so. A polyamorous person might date Andy and Brenda, then Brenda and Carl, then Carl and Diane, not staying in any of those relationships for more than a year. That doesn’t indicate that poly relationships are more fragile, it just indicates that poly people and monogamous people both go through a similar selection process before finding long term partners - the poly people are just a bit more efficient at it. 
Also, a lot (possibly most?) poly relationships aren’t about forming a stable triad. IME, it’s usually a couple that have a stable, long term relationship, but both partners have permission to “casually” date outside the relationship. You also sometimes get two people in a relationship, but both have a constellation of intimate, long-term friends that they also sleep with. Usually, there isn’t a lot of overlap between partners - A and B are dating each other, and A is dating D, and B is dating E, but D and E don’t have any relationship with each other.
Actual triads are pretty rare, for the fairly obvious reason that it’s hard for one person to find a person they want to spend the rest of their life with, it’s even harder for one person to find two people they want to spend the rest of their life with, and it’s damn near impossible to find two people they want to spend the rest of their life with who also want to spend the rest of their lives with each other. That particular model of polyamory can be fragile for that reason, but that’s not what most people who describe themselves as poly are looking for in the first place.
One more than me.
On the Poly side, I’d say there are likely some men and women who use the label “polyamorous” as cover for their perpetually and uncontrollably wandering genitalia. And there are other people trying to use that label to describe a loving stable relationship that isn’t exactly the same kind of relationship that you or I might prefer.
I didn’t pay attention to whom I was responding to. I would have remembered that you didn’t have a moral problem with swinging.
Since this thread is meandering anyway, I will add a joke:
Q: what is the difference between a slut and a bitch?
A: A slut sleeps with everybody. A bitch sleeps with everybody EXCEPT ME.
I’ve known a lot of monogamous couples over the years. The percentage that could be described as “stable, long-term” is in the single digits. I don’t see how polyamory could do much worse than that.
Also, why is “spending the rest of your life” with somebody the be all end all of a successful relationship? Seems like a decidedly one-dimensional view of things. I just knew the set of friends I had in the seventh grade would be my friends for life. It’s nice to hope for long term stable relationships, platonic or otherwise, but they’re rare at any age for most people, monogamous or not.
Personally, while the OP is silly and wrong, there’s a kernel of truth. One of the seminal works of polyamory is a book called “The Ethical Slut”. It’s a term that has been embraced by the community.
Personally, I’d love to be a slut, but I guess I’m not young and sexy enough to attract the quantity and variety of sexual partners I would like. That said, I love sluts. I don’t use the word much because most people take it as an insult, but if you hear me say it, rest assured it is meant as a compliment.
My main complaint with the OP is the word “just”. We may be sluts (or aspire to be), but that’s not all we are. We’re also (mostly) nerds.
There was a long-time poster here who was in a polyamorous marriage of the type **Miller **described above. She was quite open to talk about it but not “overly” so. I certainly don’t remember any of the negativity exhibited here expressed toward or about her.
I hope stuff like this isn’t why she’s not around, and I’m glad for her she isn’t.
Wait… no… what is wrong with you people?
Don’t think I’ve seen the word “polyfidelity” used here, but it sounds like most true poly relationships are like this, or at least aspire to it; in other words, it’s a relationship of more than two people, be they men, women, or a combination of each, who are faithful to each other.
This is not the same as polygamy.
I did misunderstand what polyamorous means. I copped to that. But why is it not the same thing as polygamy?
Polygamy is one husband, many wives. Polyandry is one wife, many husbands. Polyamorous is a less restrictive definition, of multiple relationships of various natures with the consent of all involved. Polygamy/Polyandry could be considered a subset of polyamorous relationships although there’s a strong implication of the sole male or female being in a position of power which isn’t necessarily there in polyamorous relationships.
Polygamy literally means multiple marriages. Most of us aren’t doing the actual marriage thing (insofar as it’s not legal to marry multiple people etc)
Got it.
I believe it goes
polygamy = more than one spouse in general
polygyny = multiple wives
polyandry = multiple husbands
i.e. the last two are subsets of the first
Then of course there’s polyester, when two wives have the same name; and polygon when the family loses the pet parrot.
I know a couple polyamorous couples. In both cases I got the impression that the man couldn’t hack monogamy but they didn’t want a divorce, so they opened the marriage. Not sure it helped because one of the women ended up committing suicide. Granted, it might not have had anything to do with that.
I became involved with three different women about a decade ago, all of them knowing about the others and being on board with the notion. All three either had other boyfriends from the start or did at some point have other boyfriends. Each pairing is its own relationship rather than the whole bunch of us being some kind of polymorphously perverse sexual puppy-pile.
A1, the first (of three women whose names or OKCupid aliases began with "A), was already in a relationship with a poly guy when we began dating. She alone, of the three, would proudly define herself as a slut. She also does swinger parties and likes a lot of action, making up for a couple decades of dreary and almost sexless marriage. The other poly guy she is involved with had other girlfriends and honestly I think she went into her dates with me with a “what’s sauce for the gander is good for the goose” attitude and didn’t necessarily expect to have an emotional connection equivalent to what she had with him, but has found it nice to have an auxiliary intimacy that includes being able to talk about the day to day emotional interplay with Other Poly Guy and the other live-in girlfriend.
A2 went in from a different angle. She didn’t think of herself as poly so much as she thought of guys as wanting too much of her time and attention. She’s an artist / performer and had never been in a poly situation but decided it might be just the ticket, a guy who also has other girlfriends and hence will be less demanding. Later she ended up dating another guy while still being involved with me but found it kind of discombobulating. Ultimately she concluded that she wanted me very much for a friend but didn’t want to share. (One nice thing about poly is that you never feel like you’ve wasted your time being connected with someone who later decides they don’t want to be your sexual partner or your romantic partner; because you didn’t sacrifice all other possibilities to be with this person). We aren’t a “couple” any more but we’re best friends.
A3 had been in several relationships where sexual exclusivity was assumed but she perpetually felt like there was no reason for that and was again and again in the position of denying herself opportunities (and then resenting it) or else not denying herself opportunities (and then resenting the situation of slinking around and being dishonest) (and in particular resented being some involved or married guy’s dirty little secret). She ran into the concept of polyamory and said “this is possible? you can just be honest about it and stuff?” and opted in. She was seeking this option when we met and since that time has had other boyfriends; I think she would like to connect with someone new these days but is constantly letting me know I’m still important to her and highly valued.
Me, I’d just come off of a 12 year relationship with a conventional mono person and it had soured and shallowed out over time; we still cared for each other but our relationship wasn’t adequate for either of us and neither one of us was sufficiently spectacular to the other to make up for giving up on all other possibilities. Her way of handing that was to become increasingly contemptuous and hostile towards me, while at the same time internalizing some kind of attitude that I was all that she deserved. I just wanted to be able to date someone else and eventually told her so.
Poly people are people. Each story is different.