Tying kangaroos down is cruel and unnecessary.
I just don’t find your assumptions and presumptions as unequivocal as you do. Since you brought up Neil’s personal facts, it could be about her WASPy parents trying to keep her away from a Polish jew. The song says he’s not our kind, it doesn’t say he’s not your age.
Pop music, especially from that era, has always had lots of star-crossed lovers. Now, Romeo and Juliet may not be a good role model, in the end, but telling a young woman to think for herself is not a bad thing.
No matter how good Norwegian wood is, it is not worth sleeping in the bath.
It could be sure, but the only facts he relates are that she is a girl and he is a man. Given that (and seeing as this is about bad advice not whether Neil Diamond is a creep) it is spectacularly 100% bad advice to tell a girl being propositioned by an adult she shouldn’t listen to her parents and family, and instead she should listen to the man propositioning her, cos you know he really loves her and stuff, and can say so in dramatic emo ways.
The other thing pop music from that era has is loads of songs about adult male pop stars having sexual relations with under age girls. Hence my comment about assuming he means she’s about to turn 18 when he says “you’ll be a woman soon”, given the culture of the time in pop music that is absolutely not a given.
Except those aren’t facts related in the song, girlfriend.
Seriously? It’s like entire chorus:
Girl, you’ll be a woman soon,
Please, come take my hand
Girl, you’ll be a woman soon,
Soon but soon, you’ll need a man
The subject of the song is a girl, too young to be considered an adult woman, the singer is a man. And the man singing the song wants this girl to take his hand.
You can postulate about other things but that’s what the song’s about, it says so in the chorus.
Every girl wants someone who
She can always look up to
You know I love you, of course
Let me know that you’re the bossSo Johnny get angry, Johnny get mad
Give me the biggest lecture I ever had
I want a brave man, I want a cave man
Johnny show me that you care, really care for me
Because how would a woman know a man cares, really cares unless he rages at her like a rabid Neanderthal? shudder
“You Can Leave Your Hat On”.
At some point, the hat has to come off.
Yes, this creeped me out as a young teen girl, despite luvving all things Neil Diamond up until then. Completely skeevy.
And yet, you keep having to insert these statements because they’re not in the song.
You know what else that era had? Lots of parent pushing their daughters into boring, safe marriages, telling them that their hopes and dreams began and ended on a Pleasant Valley Sunday with a provider for their children and don’t embarrass the family. ‘A girl decides for herself? Unthinkable, absurd.’ We don’t have that as much anymore, it’s easy to forget.
I don’t see this being much different than Leader of the Pack. Which, admittedly, may not contain great advice, but he could be in her church or school social group, for all the lyrics say.
The parents you think so highly of don’t claim he’s too old, just that ‘he’s not our type’ and ‘the boys’ no good.’
ETA, I didn’t mean to start a hijack, so I think I’m done.
Tom Lehrer’s advice:
It’s not against any religion
to want to dispose of a pigeon
It is, actually. One the other hand
Maybe we’ll do
in a squirrel or two
is right on for people with bird feeders.
Live fast and die young - Kanye West/Ye
Live Fast, Die Young, leave a stellar corpse -Stellar Corpses
Delia’s Gone by Johnny Cash:
If your woman’s triflin’
You could let her run
Or else you could do her
Like Delia got done
Because murder is always an option.
Although based on the spelling he’s referring to British celebrity chef Delia Smith, so his meaning is unclear 
You’ve got to change your evil ways, baby
Ok, that sounds reasonable at first, “Don’t be evil” sounds like good advise on the surface.
When I come home, baby
My house is dark and my pots are cold
Ok, so when he gets home, she’s not there, and she doesn’t have dinner on the stove. Not being home could be a sign she’s having an affair, but since when is a woman not making dinner for her husband “evil”?
You’re hangin’ round, baby
With Jean and Joan and-a who knows who
So he’s apparently saying “Don’t go hang out with your friends; say home and cook dinner for me.”
Ehh, no matter what your interpretation of “hedgerow” is, you might want to be alarmed. Could be a rabid skunk.
Meh its a hedgerow, it’ll have critters in it, don’t bother them and they won’t bother you.
Unless its a euphemism for pubic hair, then totally be alarmed if you hear an unidentified creature rustling in it. Get that checked out.
I dunno, I’d let the May Queen do a little spring cleaning in my hedgerow.
OTOH, maybe it’s a biblical reference, Ecclesiastes: and whoso breaketh a hedge, a serpent shall bite him.
Oh, and BTW, the line is
My house is dark, and my thoughts are cold.
I don’t think dinner is what’s making him feel like a clown.
This makes no sense. It’s pots. It is a very Hispanic saying and I hate it.
Yeah, it’s definitely “pots”. Do not trust online lyrics sites (if that’s where the “thoughts” version was pulled from.)
Here’s a clearer version vocally in a live setting:
