“Absinthe makes the heart grow fonder.”
“This proved that Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent florist friars.”
“And, gosh, we had to give you extra credit for doing it all through the muffler.”
“Answer : Three. One to screw in the lightbulb, one to complain about the violation of the socket, and one to secretly wish she was the socket.”
"The other women ask her what’s wrong; she replies, ’ I’m gonna have puppies!’ "
"The parrot replies, ‘The same person who named that rottweiler behind you Jesus.’ "
“We aren’t God; we just borrowed his ‘smite’ button.”
“Then the Ewok High Command orchestrates a counter-offensive that drives into Mordor and ends with Sauron’s helm beneath the Ewok moccasin.”
"Borg Drone : ‘Sex is…is…um, I mean, yeah let’s go.’ "
I showed it my cock.
Abscess makes the fart go Honda
You can’t wash your hands in a buffalo.
I can’t tell you - Code of Ethics*
*that’s the punchline, not some snarky response to the thread.
That’s a big word for a six year old.
There’s twenty of them!!!
Oh, they fired her too.
One’s a cunning array of stunts…
SSG Schwartz
“Hey, lady! Your sign fell down!”
“Yeast is yeast, and nest is nest, and never the mane shall tweet.”
“A super-callused fragile mystic plagued with halitosis.”
“I thought you said King Kong balls!”
“Vinegar and water.”
“Thalidomide. I just can’t get these damned sleeves to come out right.”
They were up a peak without a Craddle.
And the string says, “No, bartender, I’m a different string, altogether.”
And then the mushroom says “But I’m a really cool guy!”
So the pirate says “Arr, it’s driving me crazy!”
The bartender says, “So, that’ll be two Bloods and a Blood Lite?”
“Hay, bartender!”
A good start.
I’ll have a coke, then.
See, it’s working already !
Whatever God wants, God keeps.
Follow the yellow dick toad.
Two in the front, two in the back, the rest in the ashtray
Consider a spherical sheep.
One misses to the left, one misses to the right, and the third calls it a statistical hit.
…holding a black-eyed rabbit that yells “OK, OK, no more, I’m a bear !”
The gun was empty, I had to beat her to death with the chair.
Excellent! 
…and the father replies, “With Franz like this, who needs anemones?”
“I’m not putting my cock in there; just look what it did to your panties!”
slurp
“I told that old fool to put it in the basement!”
“If you don’t meet our demands, we’ll start releasing them one by one!”
A: Cut the rope.
A: A good start.
A: Not enough concrete.
A: The bucket.
A: To keep the foreskin from crawling over their heads.
A: He gets taller.
“Silly rabbi, kicks are for Trids.”
“What do you call the other one?”
“The Czech is in the male.”
“Then she farted and flew out the window.”
If you can convince my wife I was going to Milk that cow, I’ll buy a tractor.
So the guy says “No thanks, but I will take 10 feet of that fence you have back there”.