So the woman replied, “I thought you said OREL HERSHISER”.
Ja, und ze fokker vas flying a Messerschmitt.
Not bad, und how’s your pecker?
Lady, those bags under your eyes are called tits, and if you keep tightening the screw, pretty soon you’ll have a beard.
“Me checkum for bees first.”
“Nice tits, Sister. So where do you want these blinds?”
“I’ll keep an eye out for you.”
“Your Grace, whoever sold you that camera must have seen you coming.”
So the Pope turns to the cardinal and whispers, “Just how ironclad is our deal with Butternut?”
The other inmate shakes his head and says, “Some people just can’t tell a joke.”
Followed up by:
“That’s hilarious! I’ve never heard that one before!”
“Make me one with everything.”
“Change can only come from within.”
“Can I have an ice cream koan?”
“Orange you glad I didn’t say banana?”
Please, please tell me the rest of them? I’ve never heard them before.
“I’ll do the blow job, but I’m not swallowing any sea men.”
No, that’s only mayonnaise.
“It’s a knick-knack, Patty Whack, give the frog a loan. His old man’s a Rolling Stone.”
The squaw on the hippopotamus is equal to the sum of the squaws on the
other two hides.
“About ten gallons.”
“Okay, now–where’s that woman I gotta kill?”
“Call the morgue and have them send over another stiff. This one’s full.”
“Hit the ball, drag Harry…Hit the ball, drag Harry…”
“Death by Ru-ru!”
“Hey, hey, hey, guess I’m gonna stay, can’t get back up the chimney this way.”
“Don’t tell me you have a set of golf clubs in that wet suit!”
“Crunchbird? Crunchbird my ass!”
“Peter…I can see your house from here.”
And why do you ask these questions, Two Dogs Fucking?
I have no way to know, but I’m guessing that’s a version of the joke I know with the punchline “Automatic vibrator, my ass!”
Everyone knows the joke by a different name (same with the “Ru-ru” joke) but I have to say, your variation gives it a whole new twist.
Some of these are funnier by themselves than I think the whole joke would be.
The moron Tab and apple choir.
It was okay, but she wouldn’t quit playing with my ears.
A frog in a blender.
Because if they had four doors they’d be chicken sedans.
A stick.
I heard it as, “Arr, it’s drivin’ me nuts!” (a double entendre)
The next day, the newspaper headlines read, “Small Medium at Large”.
A stick. (oops, sich_hinaufwinden beat me to it)
Is the bartender here?
Hellafino.
One. He just holds the bulb and the world rotates around him.
We’ve come to ferry Caesar, not to graze him.
None, it’s full of elephants.
A mouse going on vacation.