Not enough! Capt. Picard, hubba hubba. 
ST:TNG
Hey, everyone. Sorry I haven’t written lately. The ship was taken over again. Yeah, I know – AGAIN. You’d think there was a big “WELCOME, INVADERS!” banner on the starboard nacelle the way it keeps happening. Those aliens with the mind-control device disguised as a game did it. Those other aliens who blanked our memories did it. The Bynars did it. Hell, even Data and Barclay managed to do it. Oh, and Wesley declared himself Captain once. Some flagship this is.
We were actually having a lot of fun, because the ship was taken over by a gang of near-omnipotent frat boys. We played this awesome drinking game where the loser had to run through Engineering naked shouting, “Yes, I would love to touch a Ferengi’s wiener!” I think Worf was playing to lose, to tell you the truth. Unfortunately, Picard ruined everything by discovering their fatal weakness. I think HE’S a Ferengi’s wiener.
Next time I get bored, I’m going to round up a few seventh-graders, walk onto the bridge and claim that we’re possessed by evil phantoms from Gerbilzon V. It’ll take them maybe 10 whole seconds to surrender. With any luck, we’ll get to lock that dweeb Riker in the brig and maybe fire a few photon torpedoes before we’re figured out.
ST:TNG: I am really bummed out about missing the Earth Winter Holiday Season. So what was our stupid Captain decide to do? Reenact the entire text of some ancient Earth Book called A Christmas Carol. Like that is really going to make things better! And attendance is required!
I swear, Capt. Picard is nothing but a two-bit frustrated actor.
I’m guessing you were thinking that crew evaluations are NEXT week.
Either that you enjoy being a FORTY-TWO-year-old ensign.
Seen in ATMB:
Will the Reader get mad if I try to download the SDMB to my padd?
Seen in GQ:
Is Grandpa nuts? Swears he once travelled at warp 12
Seen in CS
“24” - Season 387 - Episode 22 - Stardate 71054.6 - 71054.7
Um, if the species has more than two sexes, how many does that count as?
From Great Debates
**What would God want with a Star ship and Does his request for one prove he exists? **
From The Cafe:
** The Simpson’s stardate 25698.5 (Has the show finally jumped the Mutarian Mega Shark?)**
From IMHO:
** Enterprise Class vs Constitution Class vessels: love 'em or hate 'em**
From General Questions:
If I sign up for security Duty do I automatically get danger pay?
From MPSIMS:
** I burried 100 0000 of my Tribles today (sad story) **
From Comments on Cecil’s column:
**How does one contract space syphillus? ** (two word answer: Starfleet Captains)
From the Pit
** Pitting The President’s speech to the Klingon’s: “This president is not above the law.”**
Posted to MPSIMS, the MMP, from Deep Space Nine
Happy Monday all! Well, you would not believe the weekend we had here. First, we were visited by a Klingon ship; I shouldn’t be telling this, but the Klingons are very loud and they even tried to insult Quark (which is pretty hard to do!) - a group tried to leave without paying their tab! I saw Mr. Worf with a couple of the Klingons, they were headed to the holosuites in Quark’s bar; I don’t even want to imagine what went on in there, but when they came out, one was taken directly to the Infirmary.
Then the Enterprise docked at the station! I caught a glimpse of that nice Captain Jean-Luc Picard; he’s really handsome (although not as handsome as our own Captain Sisko!). The Enterprise crew were all very nice, although a few of them visited Quark’s as well, and believe it or not, they were nearly as loud as the Klingon group! I’m starting to think that Quark isn’t watering down the beverages as much as he normally does, because his clientele seem to be getting more drunk than usual.
Then, late last night, after the Klingon ship and the Enterprise had departed, I went for a walk on the Upper Deck of the Promenade to observe the Celestial Temple for a while. Suddenly, it burst open in brilliant flashes and one small ship slipped through, moving at a very high speed. I couldn’t see where the ship was from; it did not stop at the Station (thank the Prophets!) but kept going. After I had caught my breath, I headed towards Security to report the opening to Odo, but they were already aware of it, so I returned to my quarters, where I lit a candle and made an offering to the Prophets. The Gamma Quadrant is still unstable, so any ship coming from there may bring trouble. I hope not!
Would a Federation Starship Take Off From a Treadmill?
Can you re-route the Warp Drive through the Deflector Grid to generate a 1920s Style Death Ray?
Some mostly original series Enterprise threads:
GQ:
How to break free of a temporal causality loop?
Anyone recognize this organism?
What does that hooded thing at the bridge Science station do?
GD:
Time for the Federation to reconsider anti-genetic enhancement policy
Organian “peace treaty” = tyranny?
Do I die when I go through the transporter?
We are losing the culture war against the Klingon Empire
CS:
What’s your favorite version of “Headin’ Out to Eden?”
What kind of Romulan ale goes wiht Soctch WHisky?
Recommend me some good Pon Farr music
IMHO:
Does anyone else think most M-class planets look strangely identical?
Phaser enthusiasts: what do you think of the new Mk III Rifle?
Resolved: Caitians are HOT!
MPSIMS:
Tribble Pics!
I became omnipotent today!
Ceti Alpha earworm (TMI)
BBQ Pit:
Green-blooded Vulcan bastard!!!
Logic dictates that your ill-advised pit of me is illogical, cracker.
Just because I hand you a report to sign, does not give you permission to TOUCH MY ASS!!!
I pit the Regulan bloodworm who didn’t properly fold the giant inflatable starship decoy
I’m posting from my quarters in the Habitat Ring - I wanted to post from Quark’s, but you won’t believe what he charges for wireless access. Given the cost of a single cup of Raktajino, you’d think he’d let us caffeine addicts have wi-fi for free!
Meanwhile, on the Enterprise-D:
Hi, I want to sign up and become a member, but my civilization doesn’t use money. Can anyone help me out?
Threads from the Star Trek universe:
MPSIMS:
Grandpa is trapped in the holodeck
May 5, 1945 - we shall - oh, no we won’t
BBQ Pit:
Don’t feed the fucking tribble, moron!
The horror of antigravity play pods
Why are there still telemarketers - we don’t use money anymore
I stood next to the Emperor of the Federation at McDonald’s
GQ:
Why can’t we just use the transporters to make copies of people?
Do they sell Jeffries Tubes large enough to fire a goat out of of?
I am very grateful to the creators of the original threads that inspired these titles.
Greetings, Hu-mon.
I am Quartz Rak Krsytal, Ferenghi Princess of Ferenghinar, not allowed to wear clothing or conduct business.
My late husband, Bauxite Al Uminium, died leaving 7,040,300,234 bars of gold pressed latinum to his family.
I understand that you are an honest Hu-mon, and will assist me in moving my late Husband’s wealth from Ferenginar to the Federation, where I may find more marks, er, may live as an honest, upright, wealthy citizen.
Upon receipt of your bank account number, the social security numbers of all members of your family, passwords to all your ebay and email accounts, I will deposit my Husband’s money to you and we will live happily ever after.
Regards, Quartz.
I burning your Cardassian Vole.
Found in MPSIMS:
Who’s up for a Risan Dopefest?
Another Targ picture thread!
Cafe Society:
The Survivor: Ceti Alpha 5 thread
Batman vs. a Gorn. Who’d win?
Batman, of course. He’s always prepared.
TOS
Why are black on the right side Cherons so loud?