So it’s New Years Eve 1986. My roommate and his friend are just about ready to take off for Smittys (neighborhood bar). They ask me if I want to come along and I said okay. We get there grab a booth and order a pitcher and right off my roommate and his friend start playing this drinking game called Quarters. They ask me if I want to play and I say no that’s okay. I sit there and watch them for awhile then go up to the bar and watch some TV.
A little after midnight I go back to how they’re doing and I see my roommate has this dazed look on his face, his friend is sitting across from him bent forward holding his head in his hands. I walk up to them ready to something nasty and that’s when I notice my roommates friend has been throwing up and there’s a big puddle of vomit in his lap. This of course is my cue to leave so I grab my coat. My roommate seeing this stands up and says wait I wanna go too. He stands there for a second then looks down and throws up all over his shoes. See ya later guys!
My roommate didn’t show up till about noon the next day. I asked him what happened after I left and he said, they got out mops and buckets and made us clean it all up.
My gross [puke] story happened toward the end of my high school partying phase. We had been drinking at a friend’s apartment, our usual party spot. I went to bed early and, I guess, missed the action.
Here’s what I’ve been told happened that night.
I had a big stuffed animal lizard that had a contraption in it that made it grumble when you shook it in the correct way. An acquaintance, C, was plastered and started wrestling with the toy. It kept “growling” at him. C was getting more aggravated by the minute because it wouldn’t be submissive.
Of course, the other drunk people thought C’s ire was humorous. Someone decided they were in need of more hilarity, so he or she told C that the growling was actually the lizard’s mating call. A few mentions of alligator ejaculations later, and C was leaning over the patio fence, puking… alot. Remember, I was asleep when all this transpired.
The next morning, I wake up and prepare to leave. Nobody else is awake, so I don’t get to hear of the antics of the previous evening. Because the apartment was on the ground floor, we often parked behind the patio and jumped the fence to get from vehicle to apartment and back again. (You can see where this is going, can’t you?)
So nobody’s awake, I might as well leave. I grab all my stuff and go outside. I make the leap and fall on my ass. Hey, that’s never happened before! I look around and notice a slightly frozen (this was in winter, thank Og) puddle of… stuff. Must be vomit. Sicksicksick.
I actually got over the revulsion fairly quickly when I realized none of the mass had stuck to my clothing. I got C’s story from friends later that afternoon. The lizard did not survive the ordeal, having been slashed down its midsection by C when he was done hurling.
One time I put on a puppet show with some organs that were in the cutting room in the pathology department. We had a student in the department at the time who had never seen dismembered body parts. She left real fast when the dismembered penis started talking to someone’s elses dismembered testicles.
I was attending a “Day On The Green” back in '82 featuring The Clash and The Who. We were sitting on the outfield grass, next to a group of people who were partying quite heartily.
One young lady in the group stood up, and began to dance. After a few minutes, she took her top off. A few minutes after that, she pulled her jeans down around her ankles. Not surprisingly, this attracted the attention of quite a few of the males in the vicinity. A small crowd began to form around her. Cameras were brought out.
Then, quite to everyone’s surprise, she reached down and pulled her, er, um, tampon out of it’s, er, um, location, and began to swing it around over her head. Boy, that cleared out the area pretty quickly!
After that, she collapsed, and was taken away by the medical staff.
Once in Berlin, in broad daylight, I saw an old Turkish man drop his pants, crouch and take a crap next to a light post.
Another time, once again in Berlin, I was on a subway late at night and two people who had had more than a beer too many suddenly decided to have sex. I mean, strip down and screw right then and there in the subway. At the next stop, everyone cleared out of that compartment except me…I only had one more stop to go and figured, what the hell.
A friend of mine told me he and a girl had gone out for drinks and got a little loaded and came back to his place and started making out and she threw up…while French kissing him. It was their last date.
