Warning: involves sexual inclinations/preferences. Please leave this thread if you think you may be offended.
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Okay?
I am a woman who enjoys reading about and watching male/male sex, much as many men enjoy reading about and watching depictions of female/female sex. I know I’m not alone in this.
What I’m wondering is–why? I mean I really enjoy it, to the point that I often fantasize about being a man with another man, or to seeing a beautiful actor or character and wishing I was a man. I’m content being a woman, I have a great sex life, I don’t want to be a man for any other reason or in any other situation. My parents, while relaxed about nudity, were very strait-laced about sex, so I don’t think I picked it up as a child. I was supposed to–absolutely, positively–be a boy; perhaps there’s some sort of biochemical reason?
Are there other women out there who feel like this (I mean, not just turned on, but extremely turned on)? Anybody out there with theories or suppositions?
I used to hang around yaoi mailing lists, and this question came up all the time. No two explanations were ever alike. My take: there’s no way to explain away what turns you on.
Dang, I’ve been making nothing but drive-by posts lately. Will make a coordinated effort to write longer posts in the future.
I’ve been writing slash (male/male stories) since I was 16.
I’ve been to slash conventions, where the “why” of it does get a lot of discussion. I’ve also read a few scholarly papers on the subject. There are a number of theories out there, mostly having to do with sexual empowerment, with the woman putting herself psychologically between the two men in her fantasy, or with there being a more equal balance of power in sexual relationships between two male characters. I was just reading one of these online last week. (I’m listed in the bibliography, but my name is misspelled.) While I don’t agree with the author–she makes some broad generalizations and sees women’s slash writing as an act of rebellion against patriarchal oppression–you might find it interesting. I’ll see if I still have the link.
For me personally, however, it comes down to one central point: I’m not interested in women as sex objects, and am interested in men. Traditional hetero erotica (that I’ve seen; admittedly, not much) focuses on women’s bodies, and usually bores me. I can get a lot more out of a mildly explicit, or even not at all explicit, homoerotic scene.
Some years ago I read an article where the author had exactly
the same MO for sexual arousal and interest you describe, and would pal around with gay men so she could watch them make out with their boyfriends. She also was a male gay porn afficianado and was very aroused by hot and sweaty man on man action.
One of the proposed explanations of why men are often interested in lesbian girl on girl action is that two women represent an unbalanced situation, and that the fantasy for the man is that they will invite him to participate and that he will “balance” the equation with his presence. Possibly the motivation is similar in your scenario but as a WAG, if this were the case, you would probably be into “balance” philosophies like Feng Shui.
Here’s another weird one: I’m a (slightly) femme bisexual woman who loooves to watch two guys go at it. In my younger days (now a ripe old 27) I was something of a fag hag. Mr. Jane and I are reformed swingers striving to become poly, and even though he’s 100% straight, I still envision him holding some sweaty, cute little boy by the back of the neck while he…oh, wait. :eek:
Yep. I don’t know why either, but two guys together is a major turn-on for me. It’s not that I want to have a threesome with two guys - we’ve done that several times, and while fun, was not exactly what I was looking for. I want to watch THEM get on it. With each other. By themselves. While I watch.
Miss Mapp, yeah, I’m a slash writer, too. I like writing slash because there are so many possible variables; although in RL I love having sex with men, heterosexual erotica is pretty much a foregone conclusion.
The variety of responses here is interesting; much to ponder. BrokenDoll–wow! That is a curious situation.
FWIW Broken Doll: when I used to have access to lots of free porn magazines, a lesbian acquaintance of mine asked me to reserve the gay male ones for her.
Well, me too, but it’s never struck me as worrisome or even particularly weird. I mean, I like one man, so two men? Yowza. It’s everything I already like and am attracted to, only more so! Woo hoo! And there’s definitely no “insterting myself to complete the picture” involved, either. I’m just there (in my fantasy) as an omnipotent observer.
I don’t identify with the woman is hetero stuff, either. I compare myself to her, and wind up identifying with the man so that I’m not hung up on how my boobs are smaller and my ass is bigger. That’s, I assume, a lot weirder, but what the hey.
I’ve heard this in regards to hetero men liking lesbian imagery:
By definition, the one sex act you can never ever commit (barring major surgery) is to have homosexual sex with the opposite gender. It’s the ultimate forbidden fruit.
It may be the same with hetero (and homosexual, it seems) women and gay men.
Maybe it’s just because, although I certainly find women attractive and have had sex with other women, that I find men stunningly beautiful.
Maybe it’s just the sheer dirty joy of two sets of male sex organs.
Maybe it’s the element of suspense: who’s going to what to whom.
These are all sociological/psychological explanations… anyone think there might be a biochemical explanation-- like, maybe it’s because I have a strong animus?
My God… I thought I was the only one! (Straight Dope fights ignorance once again!!!)
Actually, there was maybe a six-month period in my mid-teen years where I consumed massive amounts of yaoi. Hence the aforementioned mailing list haunting. I’ve met at least one other woman like us, and I know of the existence of others… so yeah. I’ve even heard of lesbians who are professional yaoi artists. Believe that.
That’s why I don’t put much stock in the stock explanations, because most of them assume the woman in question is interested in men IRL.
I’m a gay man who hangs out at YAOI MLs. I went to the YAOI con in San Francisco last year, and to the YAOI panels at Anime-north. I was usually the only man in the room. Women kept asking me if I’m sure I’m in the right place. I get funny looks and weird questions.
So, in some places, it’s more normal be a woman likes male/male erotica than to be a gay guy
As for the OP, I don’t see anything wrong with it – desire is desire is desire – sex and desire only become moral issues when it comes to issues of consent.
I’m a yaoi fangirl, and when people ask me why I explain it with the ice cream analogy: you like ice cream, right? Well, then, you like one scoop of ice cream? Then of course you like another scoop, right on top.
This isn’t, of course, really a good answer.
If they keep asking, I say something about it being interesting and fun to experiment with gender roles - height rule notwithstanding, nobody is predefined in a role, so relationships are more to play with.
Both of these are true, but not in any sense the whole truth in any sort of comprehensive way.
