I had to take a new laptop back to Best Buy today because the one I bought the other day was defective. What with Christmas shoppers and traffic, our office busybody, we’ll call her Blanche, texted the girl who was driving on this adventure, we’ll call her Myrtle, with fake concern meant to passive-aggressively scold us for taking too long. I suggested that Myrtle respond with–
Myrtle: Don’t tell anyone but we’re in jail. Will explain later!
Blanche: OMG are you OK? Call me!
Myrtle: How much cash can you get together?
Blanche: Is it because of your expired tags?
Myrtle: Didn’t [boss] Patrizia do a background check on lissener?
Blanche: Not that I know of. Can I tell [office manager] Wilford?
Blanche: Should I get you a lawyer?
Myrtle: Can’t ta
–at which point Myrtle and I walked in the front door to see Blanche hunched over her desk texting furiously.
Luckily she was a good sport. Her boyfriend is a notorious prankster so she was only fake mad for a minute. Myrtle and I were peeing of course.