Santa will finally lose it, fed up with dealing with stroppy kids demanding the latest i-whatever from Apple, and he is unstoppable. Capable of moving at many miles per second and transporting hundreds of thousands of tons of materiel in a single night, it would be trivially easy and a minor change to his routine to deliver the world’s supply of explosives down our collective chimneys. Once he gets bored of that, he can simply accelerate his “sleigh” up to it’s maximum speed, and flatten entire cities with the shock waves he leave behind him.
In a state of drunken merriment, a group of slack-jawed American patriots set off some fireworks near the Russian embassy. Unfortunately, one determined bottle rocket lands in the fuel line of a Chevron truck as it is refueling, causing a massive TV-esque explosion and setting the Russian embassy ablaze. The building burns down within minutes. Medvedev is in a bad mood because his wife was just caught cheating, so Russia declares war on the U.S and launches its full nuclear arsenal. Hijinx ensue.
February 14, 2013.
It’s all in the numbers. 21 July 2021 = 2172021. The two 21’s cancel each other out. What are you left with? 720. 7+2+0 = 9. 720 is 6!. 6 and 9 are the second and third multiples of 3. 720 degrees is two complete circles. We cancelled on two 21’s (3x7). What do two 21’s equal? 42 - the answer to life. What did that book start out with? The end of the world.
Again it’s all about the numbers, but this time it’s a clerical error - the two 1s in 2011 will be misplaced into the 29, making it October 31, 2000. Based on this clerical error and thinking that it’s the halloween of the new millenium, Satan will burst forth from his cage and incinerate the world. And then realize his error and apologise for his tardiness to the survivors, which will consist of himself and a portly janitor named Fred, who he will then kill.
April 28, 2026 (my 50th birthday)
If you rearrange the numbers to 204013, turn the 3 around and squint like you’re undead, you can make out the word “zombie”. It’s obvious: On April 12, 2030, the human race will be overrun by … rats!
Because zombies aren’t real. Duh.
September 31, 2232
After having floated off into space, the combined populations of China, India and Pakistan are going to suddenly realize that when the planet stops rotating gravity increases (minisculely) rather than ceases, and their corpses will come plummetting down and crush everyone who was tethered down or inside during the first apocalypse in 2118.
September 8th, 2032
A race of advanced extraterrestrial beings decides that the Sun has got to go because it muddies the view of the rest of the galaxy. However, they agree not to destroy it if they can locate intelligent life dependent on the Sol’s existence. Not finding any, they extinguish the Sun and the Earth freezes.