Here I am in week 13, within spitting distance of the second trimester. I thought that making it this far without complications would help ease some of my fears, but if anything it seems worse. I’ve had three previous miscarriages (all <8 weeks), and in the past month two of my friends have lost pregnancies, one at 8 weeks and one at 28 weeks. I try to stay calm because I don’t want to marinate the kid in a stress-hormone bath, but at the same time every twinge or cramp terrifies me. Any one else made it through this? How did you make it nine months without being institutionalized?
I don’t know exactly how, but I did. My second pregnancy ended in a miscarriage at about 18weeks. The next time everything went fine. The odds are definitely in your favor, as I’m sure your doctor has told you. Take it one day at a time.
I don’t know either. But although I didn’t have the “peaceful,happy,pregnant woman in a rocking chair” experience I would have liked , (because I was freaking out about every twinge, cramp, or episode of gas), I did get through it.
I’ve had two miscarriages. The first when I was in my early 20’s. It was very traumatic, but for the best. They usually are, as something is not “right” and thus the body recognizes this and miscarriages. The second when I was actually ready to be a parent and trying to get pregnant. I can relate to you - I’ve been there. I got pregnant exactly 3 months after the second one on the first day that we tried again. I was nervous during my first trimester, but found ways to relax. One day at a time, as MLS said above. Eat healthy, listen to music, do things that get your mind off things. I did a lot of drawing, that’s what does it for me. I know that it sounds silly, but I doodled and sketched all the time. I’ve been doing so in times of stress (and not) since I was a kid. I’m not sure if this will make you feel better – there is nothing positive that can come from worrying yourself to death. Nothing. If this baby is meant to develop normally and be born, he/she will be. My son is 15 now…beautiful, smart, funny and kind. He would not be here if the baby before him had been born. I know it’s a peculiar way of seeing things, but it’s also a fact. Relax.
Thanks for the advice - I found out I was pregnant exactly one month after my dad died, and I think I’m still working my way up to “one day at a time”.
Oh yeah. It’s awful, isn’t it? What actually helped me most was having an amnio done (bizarre I know), because the first one had ended because of genetic problems, and we knew what they were. I figured that being under that much stress for months would be worse than the risk of an amnio, and it all went fine. I still worried, but it wasn’t as bad after that. Though IME you won’t really relax until the baby is safely out of there.
FWIW, the next pregnancy was relatively stress-free. I didn’t worry anywhere near as much.
You stopped worrying then? :o 
iftheresaway, you might find that something like a meditative yoga class might help you discipline your mind - because its really about discipline. Or see if your OB can refer you to a therapist. There may even be a support group at the hospital (although those often feed fears, and aren’t always helpful). And best wishes for a healthy pregnancy and a healthy baby. Don’t resent not having the “peaceful rocking chair” pregnancy - lots of us didn’t (mine wasn’t a past miscarriage, mine was pregnant after five years of infertility - with my newly adopted son crawling in the house - also not the peaceful rocking chair pregnancy).
I worried constantly. No miscarriages, but the pregnancy was the result of fertility treatments. That doesn’t make a miscarriage worse, of course, but it does mean you know about the pregnancy earlier and have longer to fret! Things got better once I could reliably feel the baby move: I still worried, of course, but at least there was some feedback on occasion. Pre-quickening, every time I went to the doctor it was with my heart in my throat. One of the things I like about my OB is that he really encouraged me to come in for a heartbeat check whenever I wanted. I never actually did, but having that option calmed me and I was comforted that he offered that to me without me suggesting such a thing.
One thing that helped me a lot: stay away from pregnancy boards. I would read these threads and it seemed like everyone had a flock of angels in their sigs. It took me a long time to realize it wasn’t everyone, it was a handful of people that posted a lot, and what looked like hundreds of miscarriages wasn’t really that bad.
We don’t. My wife and I have gone through three miscarriages now, and she’s cooking the latest attempt at baby #2 at the moment. Like you, we’ve made it past the dangerous part, and all our previous miscarriages happened early, but I still get a twinge of panic every time she’s in the bathroom and calls my name, even though I know she probably just wants more toilet paper. We had a scare with this one at about 12 weeks - there was some blood, which has always signaled the end in the past - but it made it through that. Anyway, the point is that we’re both still on edge and nervously waiting. I assume that will end after it’s born healthy.
Yeah, pregnancy boards are definitely a no-no; it seems like everyone there either got pregnant the first time they tried, or has had a raft of crazy terrible outcomes. The former is a bit annoying to hear when I’ve spent more than three years trying to get pregnant, and the latter just gives me more stuff to worry about.
I’m definitely looking forward to feeling the baby move. More than once I’ve wished I could just get a portable ultrasound and scan that sucker every 15 minutes or so. I’m only barely starting to show, and I haven’t had any morning sickness, so sometimes I feel like I’m imagining the whole thing.
Thank you again for all your responses. I can’t really talk to many of my friends; two of them are still mourning their own losses, and the rest either haven’t had kids or had “peaceful rocking chair pregnancies” (love that expression!). And everyone in my family is trying so hard to be positive that I feel like I’m letting them down if I express doubt or worry. It helps a lot to know that I’m not the only person worrying my way through this magical time.
My friend bought a doppler so she could listen to the baby’s heartbeat whenever she felt herself going cuckoo bananas (and she’d never had a prior miscarriage).
I had my three month OB appointment this morning, and it turns out they’ll let me come in for a heartbeat check whenever I want. That’s definitely a comforting notion.
Edit: also the PA was extremely nice and reassuring and found the heartbeat on the Doppler quickly, so that was good. My mom is planning a baby shower already 
I had a miscarriage almost exactly a year ago, and I’ve got my 11 week old son in a moby wrap on my chest right now. I got pregnant two weeks after the miscarriage–I think I blew the clinic workers’ minds with that one. They gave me an ultrasound to make sure I hadn’t just lost half of a set of twins.
Anyway, the way I heard it is once you actually hear a heart beat your chances of miscarriage go from 1 in 3 or 4 down to very, very low. That was a comfort. Also, “women who conceive within six months after a miscarriage are less likely to miscarry again or experience other pregnancy-related complications when compared with women who wait for longer periods of time.”
I also [TMI]checked my own cervix every day to make sure things weren’t getting dicey.[/TMI] I got to feel the differences as he grew and the trimesters went by, and I found it comforting as well.