Pregnant Dopers & Doper Moms

OK, I have finally and suddenly turned the corner about having kids. I’ve spent years thinking I didn’t want kids. Since I’m already 34, I was beginning to think that I was running out of time and that even if I changed my mind and wanted a kid, it would be too late.

Now, suddenly (literally - this happened about 4 weeks ago almost overnight) I am thinking that maybe I AM ready to have a child (for the record, Mr. Cricket is not pressuring me, but would be ready any time I say the word). All of a sudden I’m intensely interested in talking about babies and pregnancy -so, tell me your stories, please! I know from previous threads that there are a bunch of currently-pregnant dopers, and I know there are lots of parents out there too. I want to know - did you have a really easy, wonderful, glowing pregnancy? An awful, terrible pregnancy? Somewhere in-between? Were any of you sort of ambivalent about babies at first? And what about your age? If you’re older, do you think your age made your pregnancy easier/harder?

Even if Mr. Cricket and I decide that all systems are go, we won’t start trying for at least six months as he’s just about to leave his job and go back to school for a Phd (plus I’d want to be on pre-natal vitamins before we start trying). However, I worry that maybe my eggs are already dead (I’ve been reading too many of those articles that have been coming out lately), or that I’ll have a terrible pregnancy since I’m not 20.

Tell me your stories, please!

Cricket

Hmmm…

3 pregnancies. Mostly easy. Normal aches and pains, but nothing serious. I was 29, 31, and 34.

3 births. All easy. All natural (no drugs, interventions, surgeries).

3 beautiful healthy happy kids!

Well, I’m probably a good one to reply, since I started trying at 35 and had my babies at 36 and 38, respectively.

Both my pregnancies were easy. If you are reasonably healthy, there isn’t any reason you should have a much harder time than a 20-year-old. For one thing, you’ve probably developed healthier eating and sleeping patterns and generally take better care of yourself that you did when you were 20.

I was married for almost 15 years before we started trying. We knew we wanted children, but not while we were both in grad school or getting established. As it turned out we had our first child in what was probably the most financially rocky period we’ve had, but it all worked out anyway. If you’ve got good health insurance, babies don’t really cost that much.

I was never a baby-oriented person when I was younger. My friends were always cooing over them, but I just had no interest at all. Somehow, though, I knew it would be different with our own, and it was. I did know, though, that I had to keep working. I’m a good mommy, if I do say so, but I need the time to myself to stay sane. Our compromise is that my husband works at a lower-paying, more flexible job so that our kids spent as little time in daycare as possible. (They are in preschool now.)

Try not to worry too much about the age issue. Things will probably go just fine. One thing that really helped me was having a doctor who is very level-headed about it–she didn’t have her own first child until she was 42. After all, women have been having children “late” in life all along. It’s only starting late that is a recent trend.

Well, I don’t know that all of this will encourage you, but here goes—

I never planned on having children when I was younger. It wasn’t until I was 20 or so that I first started entertaining the possibility that maybe, someday, perhaps I might want children. I became pregnant–while on birth control–the summer I was 22.
I had a HORRIBLE pregnancy. I spent the entire nine months vomiting–even a sip of water would be immediately rejected by my system. I had to go to the hospital for IV’s and overnight stays twice to re-hydrate my body. I had to work the entire time for financial reasons and I’d be running to the bathroom seven or eight times a day to puke. It got to be a running joke with my co-workers and I had to pretend it was funny. I walked around with a constant backache, my gums bled, my legs ached. I was miserable. When the time finally came I was in labor for 34 hours and couldn’t get an epidural because my son was turned in the birth canal. When pushing didn’t work, they had to use suction to help him along.
But when all was said and done I had a healthy, perfectly-formed (if a little cone-headed) little boy to take home and love. I know I spent sleepless nights, I know I was exhausted to the point of tears many times, I know I was frustrated by my inexperience and plagued by doubts about my abilities. I knew none of mattered when my son first smiled at me. For me, it’s all been worth it. Every day when I leave work and head to daycare to pick him up my entire mood lightens. It doesn’t matter if my boss was an ass or I screwed up some report or I got slagged for something insignificant–the second I walk in that room and see him notice me, grin, and run to me with his arms outstretched I’m in heaven. I feel important, you know? And it doesn’t hurt that he’s the absolute cutest thing that ever walked the earth, either! I’m so proud of him sometimes I could just die, and he hasn’t even started talking yet. :smiley:

bella

I love babies and always have. It’s the toddlers I’m not always keen on.

Anyway, I got pregnant when I was 30. It was a pretty good pregnancy (I was plenty healthy) although I felt nauseous for 18 weeks which was overlong and started to depress me. Still, I’d do it again in a heartbeat.

I must confess I spent 9 months wondering if I was too selfish, immature, disorganized, and set in my ways to really be a good mom, yet I did want the baby very much. I just worried about my character flaws, which are many.

Now that I am a mom I am still selfish, immature, and so on, but I love my kid so much I know those things don’t matter. Mother Nature has a way of working things out.

I have an 8-month old son. I had him when I was 37. I had been pretty ambivalent about babies, but my husband wanted them, and I wasn’t completely opposed. After we got married, suddenly babies seemed like a wonderful idea.

I got pregnant right away, within two months of trying (don’t forget to start taking your prenatal vitamins BEFORE you start trying to conceive–on preview I noticed that you said that already. Good for you.). I had a pretty uneventful pregnancy until the end when I got carpal tunnel in both hands from all the water retention and horrible itchy skin. Both went away in about a month or so after Aaron arrived. I had an emergency c-section, but it wasn’t a bad experience–I had a great doctor and the staff was wonderful.

Your age shouldn’t matter too much. My grandma (in 1943 and 1946) had her kids when she was 38 and 41 years old. If she could do it 60 years ago, you can do it now.

When my son is a year old and weaned, we’re going to start trying again. We want two kids. I will be at least 39 when I have the next one. I had amnio the first time and probably will again. <shrug> All part of the service.

Aaron’s the greatest baby EVER. Worth the braces on both hands, the swollen feet, the horrible itchiness, and the scar on my abdomen.

I am a two-time mom, with two beautiful boys ages 2 and 4 months. I was 32 the first time, and 34 the second time. We may even do it again, but it will need to be soon (I really had my heart set on a girl). Not that I’m worried about my egg age, just my energy level!

I get pregnant at the drop of a hat (or ovum) and have very easy pregnancies, except that I’m nauseous most of the time. I never throw up, I just feel like I could. My deliveries were pretty easy, but they both included epidurals. I tried my breathing and all that other stuff, but I just couldn’t stay on top of it. It hurt REALLY bad.

My first labor was 24 hours from start to finish, but that can be deceptive. Most of that labor wasn’t too hard, and you don’t push until the baby is in position and ready to go. I pushed three or four times and Zack popped out.

My second labor was MUCH shorter (second-timers, beware!), about 6 hours. Again, I shot Andrew out with about four good pushes.

Recovery was kind of a drag. Both times I had an episiotomy (an incision between your vagina and rectum, to make the space bigger for the baby’s head to fit through) and had to let my stitches heal. Sitting down was a bitch. Don’t forget to take a stool softener for at least a week after the birth. Whether you deliver vaginaly or via c-section, you won’t want to push ANYTHING for a while! I never got hemorroids during my pregnancies, but I got one after my second delivery. Oh my God. Ow.

I absolutely love being pregnant and having kids. I wish I had been able to start earlier, I would be a surrogate for gay couples! But their cut-off age is 35.

I know women who had their first baby when they were 19 and I know women who had their first baby at 36. I know that age matters a little bit but probably not as much as you think. I would suggest keeping track of your periods (if you don’t already) that way you’ll know the best times to try to get pregnant.

I had my first baby at 22. A normal uneventful pregnancy until I was 35 weeks along and woke up one morning thinking I had peed on myself and it turns out my water had broke. I was very scared because my due date was a month away but two days later I gave birth to my daughter… a month early. Her lungs weren’t developed so she was having trouble breathing and had to be intubated. She was in the NICU for 17 days… the first week being the worst. After the first week she had to stay for 10 days so she could get antibiotics 2-3 times a day… other than the lungs she was fine. I gained 65 pounds with that pregnancy and because my water broke early they induced me and that was really painful. My epidural didn’t work so I felt everything and it hurt really bad. She was 19 1/2 inches long, 5 lbs., 4 oz… so you wouldn’t think she would’ve hurt so much coming out!

I had my second baby when I was 24. This pregnancy was sooooo different from my first. The doctor gave me a cerclage when I was 3 months along… a cerclage is a nylon type rope wrapped around the cervix to keep it closed… because I have a weak cervix and my daughter was born early. The doctors discovered that I had gestational diabetes when I was 33 weeks along so for the last 5 weeks of my pregnancy I had to watch my diet closely and check my blood sugar 4 times a day. It was a pain in the ass and I felt like I was starving all the time because I couldn’t eat as much as I wanted to… but I survived. I still gained 65 pounds. I woke up one morning with contractions but I still went to work because the doctor was going to induce me the following week because the baby was getting really big and he didn’t want me to have to have a c-section. Besides, I thought they were just those fake contractions I’d been having lately. Well… the contractions kept getting stronger and closer together so about an hour after I got to work I left to go to the doctor and get checked. Sure enough… I was in labor. I went to the hospital about 10:00 that morning and the doctor broke my water at 2:00 and my son was born at 3:54. Natural labor was sooooo much nicer than being induced. The contractions didn’t hurt at all and giving birth was easier and not as painful the second time around. My son was 19 inches long and weighed 8 lbs. 10 oz. I was amazed that having such a large baby didn’t hurt me as bad as having a little one!

My kids are going to be 5 and 3 in August and September respectively and they’re the best things in the world! My son just got potty trained and is wearing big boy underwear and we’re really proud of him. It’s kind of sad in a way too because he’s not a baby anymore… but at least I’m done buying diapers!! I’m glad I had my kids when I did… but I was ready to have kids. Being a parent is a lot of work but it doesn’t go without it’s rewards. Having these two little people give you hugs and kisses and tell you they love you is the best thing there is in the world!!!

I am 29 years old and 35 weeks pregnant with my first right now - due August 10. I have loved loved loved being pregnant more than I can say and I actually am starting to feel a little sad that it is so close to coming to an end. On the other hand I can’t wait to meet the baby.

My pregnancy has been shamefully easy. I got pregnant our first month trying, had only a touch of morning sickness and no actual barfing, no stretch marks yet, have been eating like a horse yet only gained about 18 lbs, and though I am slowing down I’m still in bouncing good health and a great mood.

That is the physical side. On the emotional side it is more complicated. I have always known I wanted to have kids, not in the “All I ever wanted was to be a mom - it is my calling in life” way, but instead in a “Go to high school, go to college, get job, wild oats, get married, have babies” way. I just always assumed it would be a part of my natural progression thru the stages of life. After getting married in August 2000 we knew that we wanted kids sooner rather than later, and started our plans, like my going off the pill, right around our first aniversary.

Well here we are almost a year later and like I said physically I’m doing great. Emotionally I have never felt so…um…edgy and nervous in my life. I have this deep and abiding sense of anticipation, looking towards the time our baby is here and living with us, but I’m really frightened of the magnitude of the changes that are coming. I know just enough to know I have no freaking idea what I’m getting myself into, and that nothing will ever be the same. Well I really like my life now, and what if this is a terrible mistake and I’m stuck with this baby??

I’m just having to trust that once the baby is here I’ll be so in love, like belladonna describes above, that I won’t mind all the changes and that it will all feel worth it.

So that is my story - I don’t know if it has helped any but good luck as you decide what is right for you and your husband!

Twiddle

Wow, what great stuff. It really is heartening to hear from so many people who had their babies late in life. After reading the umpteenth magazine article about all the things that can go wrong when you have a baby after 30 it’s sometimes hard to remember that that still isn’t the norm. It’s especially heartening to hear from some of you that you were a bit ambivalent beforehand. I’m glad I’m not a total freak!

Belladonna- don’t worry about discouraging me - I’m not entirely sure yet that I WANT to be encouraged - and I wanted to hear the bad along with the good so that I make a level-headed decision. Still, I’m enjoying feeling like I could do this for the first time and I’m really enjoying reading everyone’s stories.

autz - 3 births all with no drugs? You are my hero. As for me, though, I’d be screaming “get me some drugs” at the very first contraction!
Ceejaytee - Mr. Cricket is all about vitamins - there’d be no question of even thinking about trying to conceive without being first stuffed full of pre-natal vitamins!

wow, on preview I see some new posts

kiki -I do already try to keep track of my periods on a calendar, but I’ve never been the most regular of gals so sometimes it doesn’t help. I’ll have to do some research on that end of it when the time comes
Twiddle- I want a pregnancy Just Like Yours :slight_smile: it’s funny, though, some of the mental stuff you’re describing is just exactly what I keep thinking of -that’s partly what’s kept me from wanting kids for so long. It’s such a scary thing to contemplate a life change like that

Cricket - who’s now beginning to think that maybe 34 is still too young to have a baby!

Sorry - had to post again to say if you are serious about conceiving and are already willing to track your cycle I have to recommend this book: Taking Charge of Your Fertility by Toni Weschler. It is the bible…

Thanks, Twiddle. I’ll take a look at it - it would probably be worth reading and understanding before I’m ready to start trying.

Cricket

I have four kids. My first was born when I was 10, and the last just 1 1/2 years ago, when I was 34.
I didn’t have great pregnancies; felt pretty icky most of the time, and had a lot of problems with severe pain in my pelvic bone. (Well, in the ligaments, I guess.)
My first two were born without any medication, thus the long, eight-year span between #2 and #3. :smiley: #2 weighed over 11 pounds, and it was every bit as bad as it sounds. (Next time you see a four-month old, that’s about how big he was!) He went home in a size medium sleeper.
I will tell you that I had a terrible time emotionally with my third child. I had decided I did NOT want to get pregnant, and oh! dismay is not the word for what I felt when I saw the test results. I was absolutely miserable until about my fifth month, when they did the second ultrasound and told me it was a boy. Somehow that helped me turn the corner.
My fourth baby was a surprise, but it didn’t phase me at all…I figured I already had ONE baby in diapers, bottles, etc, why not two?
Now they are 3 1/2, 1 1/3, 12, and 16 years. Never a dull moment in the poet house.
Good luck with your decision.
~karol

bodypoet said

Umm… you did mean 19 and not 10, right? :slight_smile:

Cricket

Hey, twiddle, your pregnancy sounds sort of like how mine was! I gained more weight though (30 lbs - all gone now - breastfeeding is wonderful), and I never did get any stretch marks. I was really, really fortunate.

Also, like twiddle, me and the man saw having kids as the natural progression of things, and and I got pregnant a few months after our first anniversary.

I have a little girl, just turned one a few weeks ago. I found the pregnancy pretty easy - no real morning sickness, just some footcramps and headaches in second trimester.

Labor wasn’t bad - in fact, everything went perfectly up until the c-section. It couldn’t really be avoided, though - poor little bunny was strangling on the cord, but thank G-d, she was born beautiful and healthy at 8lbs, 1 oz.

It took time to bond, but after a few weeks, I began to love her so much my heart aches just thinking about her. She’s the most fascinating thing on earth, as far as I’m concerned, and she makes me so happy.

It’s not easy, though. The responsibility is overwhelming at times -
it’s my job to make sure that all her physical and emotional needs are met, and it can be overwhelming. Still, I wouldn’t change a thing.

When you were TEN, bodypoet!? If it’s a sensitive subject I apologize, but Oh My God! I can’t imagine how hard the whole pregnancy thing would have been on a ten-year-old psyche or a ten-year-old body. And you kept him too, which just has me in awe. Wow.

bella

Ok, I’m doing the math and there’s no way. :smiley: You kidder, I just about fell off my chair!

I’m 42, and despite being married for 22 years, I just had my first baby a few weeks ago. Not for lack of trying, it just didn’t happen. This was my one and only pregnancy, and it was completely uneventful. I wasn’t on prenatal vitamins ahead of time, just standard womens’ multivitamins, because it was a complete surprise. I’d given up the idea of ever conceiving.

I was in pretty good shape, running two miles each morning when I got pregnant, and I switched to a walking and weight training regimen with my midwife’s advise when I felt up to it.

I had marginal morning sickness for about two months, I only threw up a couple of times but there were a couple of weeks in which I got through the morning only by sipping ginger ale and nibbling the graham crackers (I hate saltines, and grahams are better for you anyway) and willing myself to take it easy and just not puke. I hate throwing up.

Now, emotionally, I was a mess until Christmas. I would cry at the drop of a hat and turn into the bitch that ate Cleveland in the next second. But a big part of that, I believe, was Sept. 11 – living in downtown Manhattan, it really affected me, and pregnancy seemed to magnify all of those post-stress reactions.

Eventually, though, everything evened out and the second half of the pregnancy was as perfect as could be. The biggest problem I had was when it started to get hot – if I had to be out in the heat, my feet and ankles would swell. The obvious answer to this was to wait until evening to go out. Worked well. Keeping my feet elevated when I was working at my desk or watching television also helped.

I had a home waterbirth, no medical involvement, no problems, just peace and music and my family. It was as perfect as any birth could be.

And as for all of the “things that can go wrong” if you’re over 30 or 35, if you look at the numbers you start to realize that these things are literally 1 in 500,000, 1 in 750,000 or even 1 in 1,000,000 shots. Realizing that most of these problems, illnesses, birth defects and so on are really not as commonplace as some scaremongering magazine covers would like to make us think really relaxed me. It’s easy to get caught up in the wworry and miss the wonder, I think. I really loved everything about being pregnant, especially the end result, which is sleeping on my lap right now.

Was that meandering enough for you?

Okay, okay. Sure, make fun of the lady with four kids who has NO BRAIN CELLS left. :smiley:
I blame it all on these BABIES. Heh.

Actually, I was 20 (twenty) (years, I mean) when I had my first. Then I turned 35 shortly before babypoet was born, because I remember the doctor saying oh! 35, eh? Now we have to do all these Additional Tests!

Sorry for all the confusion. (Don’t even ask me their birthdates! Hahaha!)
~k

Twiddle said:

Just wanted to re-visit this thread and tell y’all that I did buy the Weschler book on your recommendation -and it is a great book. I’ve just started reading it and plan to start charting soon.

Cricket - who’s been taking pre-natal vitamins since September but still Hasn’t Decided.