And nobody is better at regulating and tasting, er testing, them than me. 
Can I get National Security Advisor? Can I? HUH?!?!?!
Hey, I live in Nevada, you know, the nation’s nuclear wasteland and home to long-time above-ground nuclear testing. (My grandmother used to ditch school and go watch the tests.) So, who could make a better head of the NRC?
Okay, maybe someone with a degree in nuclear physics.
So, can I head up the The Library of Congress? Dibs!
Oh, and I would say the President desperately needs a Chief of Staff and a couple of Joint Chiefs (of the Armed Forces). Without a Chief of Staff, I don’t know who will run the country when he’s not around. And what about the VP? We might want to find someone for that job, cabinet position or no.
Can I be Secretary of Underpants?
Excellent! And since I have never hired any illegal immigrants to clean my house I should be able to … um … able to …
Hey! Who put a pubic hair on my coke?!
You know last night I was watching this video with Long Dong Silver and not only was he not wearing any underpants but neither was Princess Seka. What are your views on that? Hey any of you broads can feel free to shakes your tits up to the bar and offer your own opinons on Long Dong Silver as well.
You know, I’m as long as he is. Although I have more girth.
Interesting. I suspect I would be soon the equivalent of O’Neill. De facto persona non-grata.
And of course I’d resign should idiocy like the steel thing be forced through. Poor Z-boy, he knows better.
I’m grateful for the honor, GrimBeaker, but I think my regime would be too Draconian–algebra for middle school, Shakespeare appreciation classes, and, of course, making all Straight Dope books required reading.
I’d offer to be the Minister for Silly Walks, but I suspect Esprix would beat me to it.
Put me down for Secretary of Interior Decoration. “The Hoover Dam? This whole wall has to go…”
Esprix
*wring[i/]
New TV show! Instead of Celebrity Deathmatch we could have Cabinet Deathmatch! I’d watch it!
*Big Kahuna Burger[i/]
David Simmons as vet Secretary and Osiris as Ag Secretary is perfect (although someone needs to investigate that pubic hair in the coke… any takers? Wha-? No! Of course it’s not mine!.. sheesh…). Rather see Captain Amazing or minty green as Housing Secretary eh? Could it be? Is this the beginning of Cabinet Deathmatch? 
*gobear[i/]
Nonsense. Straight Dope books will become a “must read”? You’re just what this country needs. Your decision to not accept the position has been vetoed. You start on Monday.
I propose we analyze that tie of Scylla’s.
Could I be the chief assassin and “enforcer,” Like G. Gordon Liddy? I’m good at lurking, AND killing threads, and I think those could cross over well into the field of counter-intelligence.
Here, to prove my loyalty, I’ll burn my arm with a cigarette lighter, so you can-YOW! That smarts! They should put a warning on these darn things!
Ranchoth
Darn! Then I wanna be Vice White House Cat, okay with you? I promise I won’t hog the catnip or anything like that… Holds up a paw Cat’s honor!
Ain’t this cliche? He gets elected to some big whig job and now he doesn’t even have time to come around and even say “hi” to his old friends anymore. Guess we’re just the the “little people” now.
Bastard.
I’d withdraw my nomination to be Ambassadrix to Bermuda if I had any scruples.
Weeelllll… okay. But first time you don’t clean the litterbox, you’re out. 
And Pundit’s got a point… where the hell IS our commander-in-chief? How are we supposed to carry out his every whim if we don’t know what it is? I’ve got a lot of pets here wondering what they’re mission is… sure, we got the whole “Nazi Groundhogs=Evil” thing, but how about a little direction???
Can I be the Secretary of Meteorology, Cold Weather Bureau?
Also, Fenris would be an excellent Vice President. Scylla-Fenris, that’s a ticket you can’t turn down. Airman Doors, you should be the guy who carries the “football” around.
Can I be Secretary in Charge of Inter-American Affairs?
That way, I my ramblings about Latin America can be put to GOOD USE!!!
I can live with that. I can do the intimidating look very well.
I would need to view the video in question over and over - and over and over and over and over and over (and over) - before I can make a statement in that regard. But I will say this much… when I do make a statement, it will most definitely be a statement.