Primary anorgasmia in women: A survey

I got my own bedroom at about 15 or 16, and shortly afterward discovered a new toy…my clit. My main sexual problems have been because of medications, mostly antidepressants.

I wonder how many of these young women are on some sort of medication that suppresses the libido?

Nope.

  1. No

Yep.

Went away at twenty-five with the willing help of a rather nice bloke I’d started going out with. In fact, I went from anorgasmic to multiorgasmic in the space of a week. Good times.

Hasn’t been a problem since.

Yup. Usually what happens is things will reach a “peak” where I feel like I’m about to go off, then, like a switch flips, I’m painfully sensitive to the touch and… just, done, but without the good part. Either that, or I just don’t even come anywhere close.

I do have an incredibly enthusiastic and accommodating partner and greatly enjoy our sex life, but no orgasm. I’m in my mid/late twenties, though, so have high hopes that it’ll happen eventually, probably about the time I stop feeling distressed about wanting it to happen this time. Also, health issues. I was really extremely overweight, and as I get in better and better physical shape, our sex is better (both in terms of mechanics and in the physically pleasurable feelings), and I think it’ll happen eventually.

1- Had orgasms way before my 25th birthday. But I have noticed that it took 'til our 20s for many of my female friends to admit to ever masturbating, or to work up the courage to buy a vibrator and take matters into their own hands for the first time (or maybe it was just the release of Sex and the City).

Thanks to all so far, these are exactly the kind of replies I’m looking for!

  1. No

(In the interest of completeness)

Because I discovered masturbation around age 13.

The knowledge gained was very useful when I finally got down to it with a guy.

  1. Maybe. I dunno. Define “orgasm” and then maybe I can tell you.
  2. Definitely can orgasm now, by anyone’s definition.

I think there are such a range of physical sensations and reactions in the female genitalia that it’s hard for most young women to define their experience. I’ve been masturbating since at least age 3. I wouldn’t have spent so much time downtown if it didn’t feel good, you know? :stuck_out_tongue: But is “feel good” = “orgasm”? I’d feel a sweetness, for lack of a better term, and increased lubrication (yes, even as a tot, TLDR) and a classic arousal feeling like I had to pee, only good. Then I’d start to feel really, really good, and then it’d go back to merely good for a bit.

Only with age have I started to have the unmistakably strong rhythmic muscle contractions in the vagina and pelvic floor, most of the time, but not always, associated “waves of pleasure” and occasional ejaculate (whatever the hell it is, let’s not board that boat right now.)

If you had asked me at 25, I would have told you that not only did I have orgasms, but I had them easily and multipley. But what was happening physically back then was nothing like what happens now at 33.

  1. Did you have Primary anorgasmia at age 25? (that is, never had an orgasm by that age?)

No.

  1. And if so, have you achieved orgasm after the age of 25?

Not applicable.

I had to ‘learn’ how to achieve orgasm, though. God bless you, Darren! Age 17 to 20 were very, very good for me because of you.

In the interest, I guess, of making the results of this survey a little less one-sided:

  1. Yes, at the age of 25 it was true that I had never had an orgasm, but it isn’t exactly like I’d spent much time or energy trying to have one, so I’m not really sure it should count as some kind of a syndrome other than maybe Late Bloomer Syndrome.

  2. I continue to be a late bloomer. (To be more explicit, still no orgasms, still a believer in waiting for marriage and just not that interested in exploring the supposed wonders of masturbation).

  1. No. Like WhyNot, I was masturbating at an early age and probably first experienced orgasm when I was about 8. I would differ from her in that I am sure they were orgasms, though the character of my orgasms has also changed with age. When I was in my mid-to-late 30s they also began to involve more intense internal contractions. But I recognize them as being the same type of physical release. Now that I am in my late 40s, and have had a supracervical hysterectomy, they have changed again, but are still recognizable as being part of the same continuum.

  2. Not applicable, obviously.

  1. No.

  2. N/A

I have to wonder why there are so many women (not here necessarily, but in general) saying they haven’t. I have never had an orgasm from just penetration, and I wonder if the myth that a “real” orgasm is had that way and no other is still hanging around. I mean, if it weren’t for my clitoris, I’d be one unhappy woman.

Do you think this survey requires more … uh … field testing?
:smiley:

Preach it, sister! :cool:

  1. No.

My answer is very, very similar to WhyNot’s. I was masturbating by 5, and had what I first recognized as an orgasm at 15. By 25 I was having orgasms as intense and as often as I do now at 37. About the only thing that has changed over the years is how much more quickly I get to initial climax nowadays.

bingo. I think I was probably having some type of orgasm at age 22 or whenever, but did not recognize it as such when it occurred (which was rare, if at all) For example: it was not uncommon for me to “come” later–like 15 minutes to an hour after we had had intercourse–as in, I’d be in the car, and suddenly soaking wet and feeling something close to elation. I never met anyone who had a similar experience (still haven’t) and my 18 year old self shut up very quickly about it when I tried to discuss it with my girlfriends–none of whom had had an orgasm either (those that admitted it, anyway–there was a great deal of “I love sex so much! Chuck knows just how to please me. I come every time” which [given what I knew of Chuck and 18 year old boys] seemed unlikely at best).

I will say that direct clitoral stimulation(even by hand) only irritates me and hurts after about 15 seconds. A vibrator is a machine of torture–too fast, too “buzzy”, too inflexible, too artificial. It’s overwhelming and not in a good way, for me. I put that out there, just to show that there is variation among women (not that anyone here doubted that!). I rarely, if ever, masturbate: I cannot tickle myself either. I liken the two because I need the unpredictability of pressure, rhythm and temperature to press my buttons, so to speak–in tickling and in arousal. I have no idea if I just squicked out the thread; if so, sorry for the TMI.
A slight hijack for a question that intrigues me:
I really doubt that physiology has changed all that much in the past 30 years. I am sure that there are many, many women who have been orgasmic and/or masturbating since infancy. However, I think there are just as many young women today who do not, and I am wondering if the emphasis on sexuality today means that they are perhaps silenced?
IOW, it is presumed (or so it seems to me) that older adolescents are sexually active, assertive and knowledgeable–but what if an older adolescent is not? It is “ok” to admit that or does that set one up for disparagement or mockery? I would hope not. I guess what I’m saying is that I hope that with all the sexual freedom today (gah-even that phrase seems like something out of the 1970s), that there is freedom to not do/to not know.

I hope some of this makes sense. I am just home from a very taxing memorial service and am probably not being clear here. I am pro-sex–married, not married, hetero/homo, whatever.

[/hijack]

No, been masturbating since about 5 and orgasmic since about 10. Puberty hit about 10, too.

I do have a friend who has never had an orgasm, doesn’t believe in orgasms, feels that her pleasure in sex is a non-issue (sexual pleasure is for men only) and has never masturbated because it’s “icky”. I think, from these facts, that her problem is psychological.

(Male here, speaking about an ex-gf)

I dated a girl in college who was anorgasmic. She was open about it fairly early on, presumably so there wouldn’t be issues on my end about why I couldn’t make it work. She still enjoyed sex and all but I always had the impression that it was like a really good backrub to her – feels very enjoyable even if there’s no giant payoff at the end. We had a sexual relationship for a couple years (age 18-21 for her) and nothing changed.

When I was about 30 (which would have made her 26-27), I spoke to her briefly and the topic came up and I asked if anything had changed. She said she had had an orgasm once, alone & in the shower. I kind of felt bad about it since I could imagine it being more frustrating once you know what you’re missing and that it’s physically possible. No idea if anything’s different now.