I don’t shower at home during the week, as I shower at the gym every morning. But it’s a quick utilitarian “rinse/hair/pits” shower. Maybe 3 minutes.
Once a week I need a kind of long “grooming” shower for want of a better word. Shaving (female), pumicing, deep hair conditioning, moisturizing etc. Whatever needs.
I like to shower Sat. evening after dinner & dishes-typically there’s been yard work etc, so I need it. I always ask the BF if he’ll think he’s gonna need the bathroom for an amazing 15 minutes of privacy. For some reason (age?) when he has to pee, it’s a matter of NOW. And2 weekends ago, despite being asked and responding in the negative, there he was. On the can while I’m in the shower. And got an earful from me.
So this Sat. nite when I asked if he needed the bathroom, I got a whole bunch of grief about why it was such a big deal if he came in, and yes, we’re together 10 years, so it’s not like he hasn’t seen me naked, but I simply want my privacy. All I could do was turn it back on him and ask why it was such a big deal to him that I did want privacy for a bit while I shower.
Thoughts welcome. And yes, there are other times I could shower, but the issue would be the same.
Absolutely, I prefer privacy while I’m in the shower. If you have to pop in to grab an Advil, no big deal. But unless it’s an emergency, please hold it until I’m done.
The bigger issue is that it’s not a crazy request and he seems pretty annoyed. Whether anyone else in this thread likes privacy is not really the issue (IMHO), you do and it seems like a small thing to ask.
How about asking him to go urinate (even if he doesn’t feel the need) before you go in for your shower? I can’t remember the last time I couldn’t wait fifteen minutes to urinate.
I agree with this. It’s a minor request from you, and there’s no good reason for him not to respect it.
But in general, yes, I’m with you on the privacy in the shower. I tend to do a lot of day-dreaming and/or puzzling through things in my head when I’m showering, and I prefer to be lost in my thoughts without interruption if possible. Occasionally, my wife has to come through while I’m in there (especially since we now live in a place where one has to walk through the bathroom to get to the closet), and it’s not a huge deal (nor is she trying to be disrespectful by doing so — I shower in the mornings, and she has a right to get ready for work). But if possible, I like to have that time to myself.
give him advance notice for privacy request for elective excretion.
things can go from being OK to going to go in 15 or 20 minutes, depends on the person’s situation that day. most shower enclosures (glass or curtain) have opaqueness or distortion included.
if you don’t object to him pissing in the kitchen sink or a potted plant then much of the conflict would be resolved.
Did he linger around? Want to discuss vacation plans? If all he did was quickly take a leak and leave, I don’t get why that was a problem. I don’t think that qualifies a disregarding a simple request without reason.
But in general I’d say I find it weird to feel this strongly about privacy from you SO during a shower.
I had a gf who was fine with showering together but at the end of the shower she insisted that I had to get out and give her privacy (I guess she didn’t want me to see her washing her bunghole).
My big objection to the spouse walking in when I’m showering is that I shower without my glasses on so I can’t see. Thus, he can easily startle me, which is a bad thing on potentially slippery surface with things like soap or shampoo involved. Which is one reason I prefer baths - if I startle when sitting down I’m much less likely to fall over and hurt myself.
He’s generally pretty good at announcing himself which eliminates that, but sometimes he forgets I can’t see without the damn glasses. I also kind of get cranky if he moves said glasses because then I can’t find the damn things when I’m ready to put them on again.
What I’d really like privacy for is pooping. I really prefer to poop in private. Some people have a bashful bladder, apparently I have a bashful pooper. Unfortunately, the Other Half also has incontinence issues and we only have one toilet resulting in occasional interruptions. I will spare you all the gory details.
To me my time in the shower is sacred and relaxing, it’s a ritual and it’s one of the few times in my household I might have a few cherished moments of privacy so I totally understand where you’re coming from, I lock the bathroom and bedroom door, but even then sometimes I am intruded upon.
Don’t need privacy showering, but I do prefer privacy for using the toilet. Apparently your BF is one of those weird people who doesn’t mind an audience for this. Maybe if you got out of the shower one time and applauded his performance he would change his mind.
What I need is privacy from people using the toilet in front of me, whether I’m in the shower or not.
If it’s an emergency- that’s fine, but on a regular basis I’d expect my SO to be understanding about it and respect my request (with the understanding that I’d be nice about any emergencies that come up and know he’s not being disrespectful).
Has he been doing this for 10 years or has it increased recently? Since it happens on a Saturday night is he drinking more than normal? I am in the camp that thinks a medical condition may be responsible for the lack of boundaries.
Drinking? Wow, that came out of left field. He rarely drinks at all and never at home.
You know, the door may have a lock, I’ve never really checked as silly as that seems, and truly, if it were a REAL emergency, I wouldn’t want to lock it.
Thanks everyone who said pee in the yard. That’s been my suggestion.
And perhaps a medical condition? I think so, but he’s not about to go to an MD. Men is funny.
I just wondered if I were the only one who just simply wanted to shower in privacy. I can’t imagine his big issue. And yeah, it’s a pretty important thing to me, so damn, 15 minute???
