Everyone on SD seems to give great advice, so I figured I would ask everyone for thier help. I have a friends with a problem and I don’t know how to help them.
One of my friends, sadly enough, thinks about suicide. It kills me, it does. I don’t know how to react either. We have been friends for 13 years. We are really close, and I promised not to tell before she told me. I hate to break promises, but words can not express how I would feel if she did end her life. What should I do about her? I want to be a friend, but I am afriad that if I tell, she will do it right away. Or if I don’t tell, she will do it. I asked her why and she says I have no friends and the world hates herand that she is fat and ugly and has no place here. This hurt…She told me she had no friends…yet I have been her best friend for 13 years. I found it best not to start a argument over it because I thought that would make things worse. I tried to tell her I loved her (as a friend) and dont want anything to happen to her. She doesn’t belive me. You see this girl…guys call her hot all the time and she called herself ugly!! She is skinny and very much fun to be around…I just don’t know what to do…any suggestions?
TELL SOMEONE! NOW. A guidance counselor, religious leader, an empathetic teacher, somebody she trusts and who can help. Tell someone essentially what you just told us – that you fear she is suicidal but that she made you promise not to tell.
She needs your support, which you are willing to give, but she needs more help than you can give by yourself. She is obviously in great pain and needs someone to help her find a way to relieve that pain without ending her life. I don’t know where you are and what time of day it is, but if necessary try to stay with her tonight and tell someone tomorrow ASAP.
Another possibility is to see if there is a suicide help line in your area and try to get her to call.
Do not ignore what she told you – it is a cry for help.
First of all, don’t make promises you can’t/are not willing to keep. You need to immediately tell her that if you are aware she is putting her self in immediate danger that you will tell ANYONE who might could intervene.
Secondly, if she is truly intent, there’s going to be very little you can do.
Lastly, your post leads me to believe you are very young (well, relative to this old fogey, anyway) so perhaps an adult can help her. If she refuses help, then maybe someone can help YOU. Is there a teacher, a clergyperson, or a relative that she is close to and trusts? If not, find someone that fits that bill for you (I mean a professional of some sort, not just another friend).
Either your friend is trying to get attention, which in itself means she needs professional help, or she is clinically depressed, in which case she needs medication. This is too big a problem for you to handle alone.
I want to reiterate - if she refuses any kind of help, then get some yourself so you can learn how to deal with her.
You might try a trick my counselor used with me (when I was terrified of reporting child abuse I was aware of): He told me it was my responsibility, and since I had divulged it to him it was now also his responsibility by law to report it. So, he said, if you don’t do it, I will. Just tell her, “You clearly need help, and if you don’t ask for it, I WILL tell someone.”
She will probably feel betrayed if you tell anyone. That said, your friend needs to talk to a professional. She is contemplating a permanent solution to a temporary problem. It is obvious she has significant self-image or self-esteem issues. Find out if she is anorexic or bulemic. Either of these conditions can affect blood sugar and hormone levels to the point where it interferes with sound reasoning.
Try to invite her over and get her (in private) to call a suicide help line. Tell her that you care and are very concerned. You were wise not to dispute her statement that she has no friends despite you longstanding effort. It might just complicate things more.
Tell her that you really want her to talk to someone soon. Suggest a special teacher or counselor at school. Maybe a pastor or rector at your church. Anybody with experience in counseling would be better than no one at all.
It is good of you to help. Confront the fact that you may have to save your friend’s life at the cost of your friendship. Tell her that you’re willing to sacrifice being her friend so long as she gets the help to pull her through this.
I’d suggest you call the local crisis line, hotline, suicide line - whatever it’s called in your area - for yourself. They will talk with you anonymously and confidentially. They will know the local resources, who to contact and how. They can give you support and help you make a plan. You need to take care of yourself. Please call them - tonight if you can. A human voice gives more help than words on a screen. If not, look up the number for later.
This is too big a burden for one person to handle alone.
The National Hopeline Network 1-800-SUICIDE provides access to trainedtelephone counselors, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.
I had a long discussion with her last night and by the looks of it…she isnt doing this for attention. I am having quite the time trying to talk her out if it because I myself am trying to get over being suicidal. I tell her what I think of everytime I want to do it, and how it helps. I will talk to mr Guidence counsler to see what I could do. As for being anerexic or bulemic…she eats lunch at school…but doesn’t eat at home, so i dont know.
I had a long discussion with her last night and by the looks of it…she isnt doing this for attention. I am having quite the time trying to talk her out if it because I myself am trying to get over being suicidal. I tell her what I think of everytime I want to do it, and how it helps. I will talk to mr Guidence counsler to see what I could do. As for being anerexic or bulemic…she eats lunch at school…but doesn’t eat at home, so i dont know.
Your friend has to get help. And she has to get it now.
I know how you feel - I’ve been there. And I didn’t tell an adult. And I will always feel guilty for that. Just her telling me was a cry for help. She finally sought out medical help, and she’s still with us. But she has told me that she wished she had gotten help sooner so that so much of her high school life wasn’t miserable. It’s been 20 years and I still wish I’d gone to someone.
Tell someone - let someone help you help her. Please.
Hang in there. Even really intense depression CAN be helped. It may take some time, some therapy, maybe some medication to help at first, but you and your friend can do it. You have taken the first step by talking to each other and recognizing a problem exists. Keep in touch.