Product names--what were they thinking?

I saw a product in a catalog today that made me shake my head. It was on sale, $5.95 for a 10oz bar… your choice of Dog Poo or Cat Poo.

It was shampoo, apparently, but what moron came up with those names!??

“Cluemobile? You’ve got a pickup…”
OpalCat’s site:
The Teeming Millions Homepage:

The “Celeron” chip. I know, accelerate, and all that. But watching a commercial, all I could think was, “Celery?!

The Drury Inn. The Atomic Burrito.

Didn’t there used to be an dietetic candy called AYDS…that mysteriously went off the market in the 80’s?

“Predictable, really I suppose. It was an act of purest optimism to have posed the question in the first place.” --John Cleese

I think there’s a website on horrible translations of brand names and terrible slogans… I’ll look it up for you in a minute.

Off the top of my hat: “Nothing sucks like an Electrolux” (Swedish vaccuumcleaner brand :wink: )


“You know how complex women are”

  • Neil Peart, Rush (1993)

Head. Not hat.


“You know how complex women are”

  • Neil Peart, Rush (1993)

Well, your hat is on the top of your hear anyway, Coldfire…

George Carlin had a nice skit about product names and what they are:

“If Janitor In A Drum made a douche, no one would buy it!”

My favorite: Raid Feminine Hygene Spray


Yer pal,

With a name like “Deathcamp”, it’s got to be great jam! Look for the barbed wire on the label!

Ranger Jeff
*The Idol of American Youth *

On a tangential topic, sometimes using irony in product names works well.

For example, there’s a skate/snowboard shop near me started a couple years ago by a couple young guys. It’s named “Failure” (as in everyone told them they’d be a …) and it’s now very successful. Keep meaning to get one of their bumperstickers.

Another (grim) example is the “brand” names certain dealers give their drugs: e.g. little heroin packets stamped “Chernobyl” or “black death” or something similar.

Okay, I said the same thing the last time this topic came up, but: Tombstone pizza??? Couldn’t they have come up with something less appetizing?

When I was in college (in the midwest), I always bought Delightful brand toilet paper. And you know what? Is was delightful!

I have read that Scott Adams (the creator of Dilbert) has come up with a food item called the “Dilberito”, a burrito containing 100% of all daily recommended FDA.

Now why would you want to eat only one burrito per day? Might as well concentrate it all into a pill like in a bad science fiction movie.

J’ai assez vécu pour voir que différence engendre haine.

Several years a go I probed a Ford Probe. :wink:

Caved the back of that sucker in, and didn’t touch the front of my car ('86 Camero). It was a 25 MPH collision, BTW.

I just found out thatGM had a prototype electric car in the late eighties. It was called the Impact.

You say “cheesy” like that’s a BAD thing.

Anyone remember “Death” brand cigarettes? They came in a black pack that had a skull-and-crossbones in the front. Not very good smokes, but the packaging was great. I don’t know if you can still get them or not.

Let’s not forget Reebok’s briliant idea of naming a woman’s running shoe after a demon that rapes women in their sleep…

Back off, man. I’m a scientist.

I thought that shoe (the Incubus) was made by Nike.

How about the Chevy Nova? After all, “nova” means “exploding star” in Spanish … who wants to by an exploding star for a car? (Just kidding. I figured a UL deserved a pun.)

I always thought Corvette was a pretty funny name for a car. They wanted to name it after a fast warship … and ended up choosing a small, ponderous warship that rolled around in the North Atlantic like a cork.

My dad used to degrease his hands with a product called Goop.

There is a canned bean-and-frank meal known as Beanie Weenie.

Nothing I write about any person or group should be applied to a larger group.

  • Boris Badenov

How about “Jolt” cola? “All the caffiene and twice the sugar!” was their motto, IIRC.

“I’d rather have a bottle in front of me that a frontal lobotomy!” - W. Nelson

Jolt is actually a decent name; it does accurately describe the cola’s effect on your average person. (Not that word ‘average’. After a steady diet of Jolt during my freshman year of college, my caffeine tolerance is higher than you’d believe.)

Laugh hard; it’s a long way to the bank.

I almost went to work for someone who, among other things, consulted with businesses about nameing their new products. He actually hired someone with a Ph.D. in linguistics to try to translate the qualties the company wanted to get across into some kind of name. They’d come up with a name like “Luxol” for soap, for example, and then provide a detailed account of how this conveyed just the right aura of “richness and power,” or whatever. Charged 'em a truckload of money for it, too.