Leave at least ten minutes before the meeting for that all important pre-meeting smoke.
There will be treats, however the ratio of Coke to Pepsi will be 1:5. Enlist a tall friend to reach over the crowd and snag you a precious Diet Coke.
Upon entering the meeting area, in this case the auditorium, sit in the back row. Have a close friend on either side of you.
The meeting will begin with a forty five minute PowerPoint presentation of department statistics. When the lights are dimmed, place your head on your friend’s shoulder and take a well deserved nap.
When the lights come back on, there will be certificates handed out for meaningless accomplishments. Now is the time to utilize sarcastic applause. ::Clap,pause,clap,pause,etc::
There will be a question and answer session at the end. Watch as management deflects questions as deftly as Wonder Woman deflects bullets with her bracelets.
[sub]Two hours of this, first thing in the morning. I am not a morning person either. It was BRUTAL.[/sub]
Try a minimum of 5 hours of meetings a week at this point. With 4-5 people per meeting. There is no chance of hiding in the back of the room when you’re sitting at a round table.
Ok, but now imagine that you have to sit at the FRONT of the meeting room, WITH all the management shmoes. Not actually to say anything, but because at some point your “efforts” have to be “acknowledged”.
Look guys - how’s about buying me a big fat bottle of Glenfiddich, and skipping the public humiliation of your “acknowledgement”.
The one time I was acknowledged during one of these circle jerks, oops meetings…
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The dress policy where I work is week long dress down. They had to make uo for the fact the maximum yearly raise possible is 3%. Most people wear jeans, however the Brownnosers Guild usually dress up. They also usually win the most acknowledgement.
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I received acknowledgement for having an audit with a perfect score. I had chosen to wear that day…
Black Harley Davidson platform boots, black jeans, and a black ECW (Extreme Championship Wrestling) t shirt.
Part of the ceremony is you have your picture taken with the other award winners for the department newsletter. The picture went as follows…
Corporate clone, cc,cc,punk rock chick,cc,cc,cc,cc.